I

am...

such a procrastinator!!! Delay search for house la, delay bathing la wtf, delay any research whatsoever la, delay any form of learning whatsoever la, delay this delay that... As my mum simply loves loves LOVES to say, I always DILLY-DALLY wtf.

Digressing, I think dilly-dally is THE most disgusting phrase ever! I've been bombarded with it since God-knows-when (since I started dilly-dallying and never looked back I guess wtf), so many times that I just want to fucking strangle it! And the person who came up with it. Why the fuck did you decide to torment mankind with such a disgusting, revolting phrase like dilly dally??! Have you gotten sick of the phrase yet? No? Try repeating it ten times everyday. That would be suffice to make you sick to your stomach.

Ok, so I should be surfing for some plausible places to stay. But what do I do first? Well read blogs of course wtf! And I do that every single time wtf. No matter that I just clicked on those links a few moments ago. No matter that I know those blogs won't have new posts up anytime soon. Still, I click on those bloody links. OR, I click on new links! Discover more blogs wtf! The possibilities are endless cos no worries, there are millions of blogs out there yo! And in the end, didn't manage to accomplish shit. Sigh.

What is wrong with me can someone tell me? Can you? Or you? Or you? *points everywhere even if nobody's there wtf*

***

should...

learn how to be grateful yadda yadda...

not feel so stressed? (But how can one not in times like these sigh)

be excited wtf?

be calm and composed wtf.

repeat this to myself:

There's nothing to fear but fear itself. There's nothing to fear but fear itself. There's nothing to fear but fear itself. There's nothing to fear but fear itself. There's nothing to fear but fear itself. There's nothing to fear but fear itself. There's nothing to fear but fear itself. There's nothing to fear but fear itself. There's nothing to fear but fear itself. There's nothing to fear but fear itself. There's nothing to fear but fear itself. There's nothing to fear but fear itself. There's nothing to fear but fear itself. There's nothing to fear but fear itself. There's nothing to fear but fear itself. There's nothing to fear but fear itself. There's nothing to fear but fear itself. There's nothing to fear but fear itself. There's nothing to fear but fear itself. There's nothing to fear but fear itself. There's nothing to fear but fear itself. There's nothing to fear but fear itself.

be fearless, as a result of repeating the mantra wtf.

practice what I preach.

not avoid.

learn.

organise.

Note: Wtf this list can go on forever and ever... so I shall not continue.

***

don't plan things too far into the future. I don't have a list like,
By 28:
1. Get married.
2. Earn first million.
3. Buy bungalow.

29:
1. Have kids.
2. Earn first billion.
3. Buy a continent.

You know, a list like that. I'm sure some people do.

It's just, easier to face life a day at a time. (Partly due to procrastinating nature wtf) Life just doesn't seem so heavy that way.

That's why I don't really want to look into the future, say 10 years from now, and ask where would I be. Who knows, I could be dead by then. The future is unpredictable shit, accidents can happen, sickness can happen, anything can happen.

And that is why, I'm not bervisi like other people wtf.

Or at least, that's what I tell myself.

Maybe it's also because I don't see myself advancing anywhere in life doing something I don't give two fucks about. Because I gave up, the moment I found out that life is fucked up and so is the world.

Arghhh. Think happy thoughts happy thoughts wtf.

Er er... world peace! Freedom! Rainbows! Teh tarik! Instant noodles! Ramly burgers! Chicken rice! Ba gua! KFC! Pizza! (Wtf once start with food confirm cannot stop one)

Ephemeral

Last November, after finals when I came back home and was immediately unpacking, my mum said, "This is not the end, you know. It's just the beginning!" (insert awkward/nervous laughter some more). Partly cos I was putting things back and she thought I should set them aside for when I head abroad instead.

That time all I felt was, "Not. Funny. At. All. -_-... just leave me alone la ugh."

Suddenly, I really am nearing that supposed beginning. Tiba-tiba jer, flung into this whole whirlwind of information, anxiety, worry, stress, fruitless search, terror, fluctuations, answerless questions, endless questions, pressure, responsibility, independence and a lot more. It's a bigass whirlwind all right.

WOI! what happened to my holiday wei?!? Why gone already one??! GIVE ME BACK MY MUTHAFUCKING HOLIDAY LA WEI!!!

Holidays. Such fleeting moments.

Damn.

Then, Now

Yesterday,

a new life was brought to this world.

All I would say to her if she was here is,

Welcome. But I feel sorry for you. *sigh dramatically*

Then today,

I cooked! Wtf.

Edible? Check. Didn't burn down the kitchen? Check.

Hello God you DO exist wtf, and I would like to thank you wtf.

Ok ok it was just fried rice... but first time mar.

WWUD : What Would the Unsub Do (wtf)

So well yeah today consisted of only 4 activities : Sleep. Eat. Read newspapers. Read blogs.

If bumming around is considered another activity, then make it a 5th. But personally, I think it encompasses all 4 activities. Hey, wouldn't that ultimately mean that I should have typed "today consisted of only 1 activity?"

The complexities we face. Damn.

Anyway, there was this article in the newspapers. The first paragraph contained words that immediately struck a chord in me.

..."avoiding the inevitables of life".

Ah something that I'm all too familiar with. Way too familiar.

***

Random thought of the day:

If I were to have an alter ego name (whatever that means), it would be Unsub. Don't you think Unsub sounds cool? Viewers of Criminal Minds would know what I'm talking about.

I had no idea what Unsub meant, didn't even put a thought to it actually. Clueless as to why the pepretrators were being called 'the Unsub'. Until I finally found out that oh it was short for Unknown Subject (of an Investigation).

But of course! What a doofus I am.

**

Post ends abruptly here cos don't know how to continue wtf.

Today,

I did nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

Wow.

Do I sound surprised? Why do I still sound surprised at my ability to do nothing?

You look back and wonder, what the hell happened?

Life happened.










Must life turn all of us into cynical, jaded people?

He; She : Red

She was to be frank, a little nervous. Names were being called. Why wasn't it her turn yet? That, and because it was well, a test. The mere mention of the word 'test' could make her jittery, and butterflies would start sprouting like mushrooms in her stomach. Not that it was necessary, cos she always ended up doing well.

So, she was on one of the uncomfortable plastic seats in the stuffy, cramp place. Anyone claustrophobic would be running through the door by now. But not her, she needed to concentrate. Flipping furiously through the pages of the book for the millionth time, she practically could have recited any page by memory.

The door cracked open. Everybody looked up, thirsty for a reprieve from the yellow book in their hands, to look at their newest member. Almost immediately, nearly everyone's eyes darted back to their books. He wore sleeves of tattoos, multiple piercings and a scowl. And in everyone's mind the words "BAD NEWS" flashed like a siren.

Nearly everyone. Her eyes stayed fixated on him. His feet, to be exact. They bothered her.

He scanned around the place for a seat. Seemed like the only unoccupied seat was beside the girl. The one wearing a beige knee length collared dress and yellow cardigan, and was strangely eyeing his feet doggedly. Ugh, what the heck. He thought, and planted himself on the seat.

Twiddling her thumbs, she couldn't take it anymore. It was gnawing at her system, chipping away at her nerves like a woodpecker would a tree bark. All her life, she was one to follow the rules and regulations, never questioning them. A good old law abiding citizen. Hence, she just had to be the good Samaritan.

He was examining his fingernails when she cleared her throat. He didn't suspect anything. Didn't have time to, really and was totally caught off guard. All of a sudden, he was thrown into the abyss of what known to humans as "Conversation".

"Excuse me, Mister..." Ever the polite. "Sorry to bother you but, maybe you didn't notice... the sign on the door says that slippers are not allowed?" Her face painted a picture of total earnestness. Her finger pointed to his flip flops, one of the many pairs that he own.

He was taken aback. Unsure of how to respond. He could have flipped her the middle finger like how he would usually do in these situations, but there was something about her that suppressed that reflex of his. Was it her big doe eyes? The way she bit her lips? The way she regarded him like he was any other normal person? How she called him 'Mister'?

Ah, he was intrigued. And struggling to come up with a response. Thus, he went "So?" nonchalantly, without even moving his lips.

"So? So, you may be forbidden from taking the test!" She blurted out as if it was preposterous that she needed to tell him that. She emphasized the word 'forbidden' a tad too much though. "Are you here to take the test anyway? You seem kinda erm, mature." Seconds later, her eyes widened in realization. "Is it cos your license was exterminated (she couldn't think of a better term at that moment)?" Hell, she was on a roll.

"Er." What the fuck. "Yeah, you can say that."

"But why?"

"D.U.I."

"Oh." She continued, "You really shouldn't drink and drive, you know."

No response, only a slight grunt. Why is she still talking to me?

Not a conversationalist, huh. Oh well. She returned to her book.

*****

A few moments later, finally her name was called. "PC SATU!!!"

Number one! A good sign. She grinned inwardly. She stood up, not forgetting to turn back to the taciturn one and chirp, "Wish me luck!" All she got was a reluctant "Yea" in return.


*****

Less than 10 minutes was all it took. She grabbed her bag and headed out of the room to get her results printed. 49 over 50. She was pleased, but she could have done better, she told herself.

*****

Before she left, she glanced at him and smiled, wondering if he would smile back. Surprisingly, his features softened, just for a sec. The corners of his mouth curled up, just a wee bit. Evidently, he wasn't one who was used to the expression of smiling.

*****

That, was their first encounter. An encounter that occurred at where mostly teenagers took their Undang test.

Neither of them thought that they would meet again. Not anytime soon, not ever.


But oh, how they were so wonderfully wrong.

Stick-it-to-da-man-noisis

Once upon a time, these people wanted me to go to the Uni of Merlin to further my studies. It was as if, it was the only university worth going to. Like other universities weren't worth their time of the day. Uni of Merlin... Uni of Merlin... endless discussions and soliloquy about it. Like other universities didn't even exist.

There's a sensation I've gotten familiar with. Which is hearing about one thing so often, you get sick of it. You don't even wanna go near it or acknowledge it anymore. You just get plain sick of it. So yes I got sick of hearing about Merlin. And now, I'm not going there, as much as these people wanted me to.

I have no idea if this other uni I'm heading to may suck less than Merlin or suck the same extent. Heck it could suck way more. It's not really about that. My choosing to go to this uni was more like sticking it to "The Man". You know? It's more about 'Hah! Take that! I'm not going where all you people ask / expect / want me to go to. So suck on that, bitches.'

Who knows, perhaps a few months down the line, peers at Merlin would be gloating after all cos they're having such an awesome time there. And me living in hell where I would be. But fuck it, it's about sticking it to "The Man" ok.

Dewey Finn: Those kids have a rare blood disease: "Stick-it-to-da-man-noisis".
Battle of the Bands director: What's that? I've never heard of it.
Dewey Finn: You're lucky. Because it's hell.

Haha. Man, I love School of Rock.

Comfort food :Defined as food that gives emotional comfort to the one eating it, these tend to be favorite foods of childhood, or linked to a person, place or time with which the food has a positive association.

The equivalent of comfort food in terms of emotions? Fucking dulan.

In other words, it's

wolfing down a mass of cake even though you can't even taste it anymore.

devouring forkful over forkful just for the sake of stuffing yourself silly.

cutting a piece of cake into half just to finish all of it anyway.

thinking that carbs are gonna make you feel better, when all they do is the opposite.

Why all that? Cos you're fucking dulan. That's why ok.

I have to keep telling myself to "suck it all up!" "breathe in... breathe out..."

Have to remind myself that hey, it'll all be over soon. I think wtf.

But man, how to make the constant yakking stop, I don't know.

Hmph. No more cake for me wtf.

Wah lan eh. What am I supposed to do now. I just wanna sleep now T_T. Sleepy lah dei.

Till then

Meh. Don't feel like blogging anytime soon.

I also wanna go on hiatus already lah. Till when also unsure.

Till then, live life and prosper wtf.

So this is it

Where to begin. *takes deep breath* Well I was writing a post few nights ago then there was this whole virus/scam episode and my browser couldn't even be opened for more than a sec so I gave up and it was fixed the next day thank God so now I'm writing another post cos it'll seem too disjointed to continue on the train of thought from that few nights ago. *phew*

I see that I've been missed ey, judging from the comment by Mr / Mrs Anonymous. Tell me anon, what is it that makes you come back for updates after these few weeks? What is it bout my incessant vapid ramblings that seem even remotely interesting to you? It baffles me, really it does.

As you can see, I am still alive. Yeah. Physically. Mentally and emotionally? Barely I guess. Languid would be the proper word to describe these couple of weeks. No I don't feel like doing anything. I don't feel like going out. I don't feel like carrying conversations or dressing up or wake up in the morning or learn how to cook. How I've been feeling is all I wanna do is lie down and read. Yeah an ideal day for me would be lying on a couch, sipping coffee from a big mug and shutting out the rest of the world while a good novel accompanies me. That's all I need right now. Except that now I don't really fancy coffee that much... well I used to, but it yellows teeth and there's that acidic aftertaste on the tongue.

Reading's good. It's akin to listening to music, where you can be totally absorbed in this medium with nary a care in the world, until the next bark of orders from your mum that is, in my case wtf. I feel that she literally barks orders wtf. So anyway, languid, lazy, bumming around, being a total appendix wtf, full time slacker etc... that's what I've been up to.

I wanted to disappear for a couple of weeks. Maybe a month. Not go online, not get out, just vanish. That's just how I felt, after finals. I wanted to be with myself, avoid the world. Can't really explain why I felt that. I sound totally inert and introvert, but hell yeah I am those right now. Not even gonna deny it. Having said that, I did go out on a few occasions, cos I didn't really have any excuse to decline did I. "Hey, wanna go out?" "Er no I can't... I'm busy staying at home being useless" Now that would sound like a pretty weak excuse wouldn't it?

Geez, I'm so hopeless at sounding even a teensy poetic. You know, I wish I had the flair for writing like pinkpau of quaintly.net, where expressing anything just seems so effortless for her. Reading her posts is just like navigating through the streets of Rome or something, turning around narrow corners, walking on brick roads, going through alleys and discovering quaint little coffee shops, never knowing what you'd find next. That's why quaintly.net is such an appropriate name for her blog wtf.

I wanted to be a writer once, or more precisely a columnist, not unlike Mary Schneider of "But Then Again" in the Star every Monday. The thing is my English teacher complimented me once, that I had a "flair for writing", and that pleased me, so I went home thinking that I really had a "flair for writing", and started conjuring dreams of becoming a writer, a journalist, a columnist and sorts. But now I see that I lack... everything. Wit, humour, skills, talent, everything. So that was that, I wasn't writer material *shrug*.

Even with my extremely slow pace of life, time seems to go by real fast, as usual. Next week results are gonna be out already. Like, holy shit. That fast? Wtf I just came home like a few weeks ago wtf. Why oh why? Can't you delay all the franticness for perhaps another week or so? Getting the results would be like the gun shot in the air signaling the start of the race. Things have to be done. Procedures. Forms. Over-enthusiasm of my parents wtf. Finding out which Uni you'll end up in. Applying for Visa. Medical check-up. AGAIN (fuck). Sigh, I just wanna put life on hold a while longer. Maybe forever wtf. Delay it, please someone delay it. I'm not ready. Don't know if I ever will be. I'm not cut out for living wtf. I'm not a do-er, in fact I'm anything but a do-er. I'm an avoider, a procrastinator, a coward, a wimp. A total wimp *vehement*. I dunno myself very well, but those I'm pretty sure bout myself by now wtf.

I used to draw. It was the only thing that I thought I was good at. But having such an impractical talent or something was well... impractical. And now having time on my hands, I haven't felt the urge to pick up a pencil and draw. No images in my head, like before. Nothing. The only thing that I felt that I was meant to do, I don't even do anymore. So where does that leave me? I wonder.

A shell. A blank. A vessel. A hollow.

I am nothing.

And, I'm pretty good at doing nothing. Just sitting and spacing out. Stoning. Yeah.

Calamitous; Disastrous; Catastrophic

Have nothing much to say for Spec...

... cos it was a DISASTER. How many synonyms of disaster are there? Lemme go check.

Ah, here they are:
act of God*, adversity, affliction, bad luck, bad news*, bale, bane, blight, blow, bust, calamity, casualty, cataclysm, catastrophe, collapse, collision, crash, debacle, defeat, depression, emergency, exigency, failure, fall, fell stroke, fiasco, flood, flop, grief, hard luck, harm, hazard, holocaust, hot water, ill luck, misadventure, mischance, misfortune, mishap, reverse, rock, rough, ruin, ruination, setback, slip, stroke, the worst, tragedy, undoing, upset, washout*, woe

LOL @ act of God. More like act of the people who set the questions.

What's with this year and ASS-LONG questions? Huh can someone tell me wtf? By the way there is some scientific explanation on why the sky is blue, so can anyone answer my question instead wtf?

With 45 pages (if my memory serves me right) a short novel could have been written on the whole freaking booklet already. Serious.

Nope I didn't finish the last question. Heck I only did maybe 2 and a half sub questions wtf. Over 10 marks flew out the window just like that. Yeah just like that.

By the time I reached Question 10 I was already like "wtf how come got so much more to go~~?" Section B also haven't started wtf. *shakes head* And complex number never fails to defeat me, as it's just too complex wtf (lame attempt for a pun).

History repeated itself hurhur. Econs had to use fugly writing, Spec also reverted to fugly writing in the end wtf.

But am feeling so numb.

So anyway, just like my post-exam bitching, another thing is also a sure occurrence after every exam paper.

My mum's interrogative SMSes LOLOLOL. Like seriously wei she can fit so many questions into an SMS, I dunno which question to answer first. And then also will have few scrolls worth of advice that she dishes out every exam. Very the professional one I tell you.

Sense It

So yesterday (more like after midnight wtf) when I was supposed to be burying my hands, feet, every inch of my body in Spec, I went and did my header instead. Le sigh. When will I ever learn?

Mind you it wasn't easy ok. All those pictures? All from One Republic's Apologize music video. God knows how long I spent print screening alone. That day I just watched and thought, 'hey this music video is quite the nice... aesthetically nice... maybe I should turn it into my header or something...' somewhere along the lines lah. Wtf how the hell did I know that I was gonna do it in the middle of my exam wtf. Sigh.

So anyway, that is not the main point of this post. While I was feverishly working on Paint wtf, a friend let me watch this. Watch it people.

LOL. And heck she was so damn confident. "Don't you mean 'Without You'?" Her blatant reply, "No." Surprising stuff, I might say. That one, Bulgaria also have their Bulgarian Idol wtf. That two, she went for the audition singing "tulibu dibu douchoo..." perhaps she did it on purpose in hopes of becoming the next female William Hung or something.

But anyway, that is still not the main point of this post. Patient a bit lah.. I'm getting there lah wtf. Today, while in the toilet wtf, I had the sudden urge to listen to Mariah Carey's own rendition of Without You.

Over here my eardrums vibrated.

Le sigh. Isn't it quite the bomb? At that time, she was all covered up. All she had was a voice, and her passion. (Not to mention she kinda looked like Alyssa Milano eh)

But why, oh why does she now resort to cleavage baring and sleazy music videos? Why?? Having a good voice ain't enough to pay the bills anymore? Must ones cleavage and thighs be bared to gain attention these days? Why Mariah? Why? What if I donch wanna touch your body? What then huh? Why can't you go back to the days when you looked like Alyssa Milano and just, SANG?

I concur that she's not all to blame, knowing the fact that if there's no demand, there won't be any supply. People, why must we force singers to bare it all and leave little to imagination when all we need is just to close our eyes, and listen. And let one of our five senses take us to a journey where good music takes us.

Major Sien-ness

WAH SIEN ARHHHH.. SIEN LIKE HAI LIKE THAT...

Every few minutes or so I'll start opening new tabs and go to blogs...

that I just went to a few minutes ago... Grr what patheticness!!!!! What a sad existence I have wtf...

I know that's one of the consequences of opening my laptop, but but.. I need to go online to check for them damn Spec Maths answers... wtf give excuse wtf. Really one lah trust me lah wei.

ARGH SIEN ARGHHHH~~~~

I can barely complete one set of past year trials yet I'm still not panicking wtf.

Tsk tsk tsk... someone slap me please.

I pergi mandi sekarang jugak.

Are you kidding me

Econs was a joke, I tell you. A total joke.

Part A. 3 questions. Part B. Choose 2 essays to write.

Easy peasy japaneasy right?

WRONG.

How bout 3 ASS-long questions, especially question number 2. And 2 ASS-long essays to write.

Granted the essay questions weren't as tough as past years', but still a LOT had to be written.

Till this day I still have no idea how could anyone manage to complete an ASS-long A20 Econs essay in 35 minutes. And I'll guess I'll never find out. Sad case really.

I know I'm gonna get like a C for the second essay I wrote. I hope I'll get a B for the first just for the fucking time and effort I put in, biatch. More than 40 minutes I think wtf. That's right, I spent 40 over mins on an essay that's probably gonna get a B wtf. Fail. The marker should be able to tell my desperado-ness in finishing those god damn essays as my writing just got hell alotta fuglier. And fuglier. Geez I hope they can read it. So gimme some sympathy marks please wtf. Heck, time was running so damn short that the whole situation was hilarious. I tried real hard to hold the laughter in wtf.

What a freakin joke. Hur hur. Perhaps I should have been training my hand instead of my memory for the paper... but I'll guess it's too late for that wtf.

By the way, why must the profile picture for someone who didn't upload any be the silhouette of a guy's head? Why cannot be girl meh? What kind of sexism is this wtf... Being jakun again wtf.

And wtf, I'm blogging more frequent than ever during exam period. The irony is not lost on me...

Urgh

Was in a major piss poor mood. Took me an hour plus to wake up just because I didn't even feel like waking up. Some major PMS shit. Even cried a little as all the pissed-offness were festering, waiting to burst out. MAHAI.

BUT, after replying anon's comment I've sorta calmed down a little. Wanted to go on a hulk rage over here but ended typing like this instead. Er, not using Caps Lock I mean. I wanted to go all "FUCK PMS! FUCK HORMONES! FUCK EXAMS! GAHHHHH!!!" but now maybe I'll just go "Urgh, fuck this shit." Ya get what I mean? WTF. K please do not insult your mind by actually trying to read that whole load of bullcrap.

So, I'm one of those type of people who absolutely cannot conceal their bad mood. Like totally cannot. If there's a black cloud hovering over my head, then sure as hell I'll be having attitude problems wtf. My whole face would be saying "Fuck off I couldn't care less bout your shit" stuff like that. And I'm sorry to those people around me who have to deal with that kind of attitude but sometimes, I just can't help myself. I know that at that time I'm being a bitch and all but I. Just. Can't. Seem. To. Control. This. Urge. To. Kill. Someone. Wtf. Er so that's just something about me wtf. Nothing else to continue already hur hur. Time to face the whole stack of papers again. KNNCCB.

Do I Sound Crazy? Do I HUH HUH HUH?!?!

Walao wei... why must 5 papers be spread over three freakin weeks ler? Why ler? Granted yeah we have more time to study hur hur but it's pointless what, if the extra time of studying doesn't amount to better results pun! Or the extra time is used to read blogs and blog wtf.

So the most dreaded paper is next, ie Econ. Whoever that thinks Econ is easy should study under my lecturer. Hah! I shall not elaborate wtf. Cos the experience of being her student is pretty indescribable wtf. Maybe the word 'scary' can sorta sum it up wtf. Btw I need some guidance for Econ essay wtf cos I totally suck at it sigh.

Some people will finish next week.. JEALOUS WEI. WTF la why do Accounting students have to suffer for one more week what did we do wrong wtf the fella who came up with the timetable was dumped by his / her other half that's an Accountant isit. Wtf I know that was pointless lah ok.

blablablablablablablablablablablablabla...

Mindfucked. Like, totally.

Another paper down, hence another day that is going to waste wtf. So here I am, wasting precious time while others are probably busting their asses, and reading this --> Blog Anak Mat Nor.

The 'Aku, Mat Nor dan Uma Thurman' post really cracked me up LOL. Too bad I can't really laugh out loud here lest I want my house mates to think that I've lost it wtf.

Kinda pointless blog pimping kan since I have only uno follower heh wtf.

What's it with being bored out your skull when you're supposed to be cramming notes, books down your throat?

My eyes are burning from the lack of blinking wtf. I wish people would update their blogs more often wtf. And good, funny bloggers would never stop blogging wtf.

Some people rant with style. Not I eh.

Bangang, Jakun

It starts tomorrow people!

Strangely not really feeling anything wtf... just want it to end I guess. Sure I'm not the only one who feels this way kan kan. Wait, I do feel something. Some kind of elation almost like I'm on a high or something wtf. This is sorta like 'wui guong fan jiu' (Cantonese) You know like moments before a person's last breath he / she'll suddenly be semangat like dunno how, like nuh-uh he / she ain't on the brink of death then.. eh?? Sudah meninggal dunia wtf. You know you know? Movies always got one.

Which signifies what? HAHA I'm in serious deep shit? I TAK TAHU LOLOLOL cos I'm too busy bullshitting here wtf.

Ok enough. Kthxbai.

Have You...

...Ever been washed over by a sudden feeling of loneliness for no apparent reason?

An Update la duh

Strangely enough, stress levels have not been through the roof even though there's only a few days left. It's weird. Could it be that I've achieved some sort of nirvanic (no such word wtf) state wtf. Must be partly due to the fact that I know that I'll never live up to my forecast results wtf. Let's take a look shall we.

Acc - B16 ... Erm this may be feasible if mistakes are few and report is decent (which is pretty unlikely)

Econ - A17 ... Hahahaha I'm sure glad that mah Econ lecturer won't be marking my paper cos judging by past year papers I'll be lucky if I even manage to attain a B16 wtf.

ESL - A18 ... Based on past experiences, my ability to synthesize is still that of a 'weaker student' and it's at the state of 'tak boleh diselamatkan' already so I'm not even gonna attempt to salvage it wtf. So it'll depend on pure luck and astute hearing for listening wtf.

Maths - A20 .. HAHAHA. HA. HA. Bound to have mistakes. Very very low possibility.

Spec - A19 .. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? I would barely make it to a A17 sumore you expect me to get 20 wtf? WHO PAID YOU TO MOCK PEOPLE LIKE THIS WTF.

Can these people be more realistic wtf. Tsk tsk tsk...

Having said that, I think we're having it way better than those studying Sciences. The only subjects that really require reading are Econ and Acc. Lucky kan? Kan? Kan?

So anyway, level of absorbency have been low, it takes like dunno how many hours to read ten over pages. Wtf kan. Can stay at the same line for dunno how long wtf. Nevertheless plod on people, plod on.

On a pretty unrelated note (as usual), my roommate and I seem to have reached a whole new level of strangeness (for the lack of a better term) any pair of roommates could ever reach. What I mean is, yeah we stay in the same unit, sleep in the same room but it's almost as if we're strangers, y'know? We rarely talk. She'll be doing her thang, and me mine. Leading our own separate lives. Is this a whole new level or what... maybe it's me and my psycho analyzing again but I wonder if she feels the same way. Or maybe it's just me who's naturally awkward :P (A friend used that phrase to describe her friend once and I think it suits me too wtf).

Oh yeah and this question has been bugging me for a pretty long time, "Should I or should I not get a tattoo???" WTF HAISH. Malaria do you remember when I asked you bout tats wtf... well yeah I'm STIL thinking bout it wtf.

4 AM Insanity Streak

I sure as hell hope that time can be fast forwarded now. Or my brain can hibernate til exam time. Even a mere 2 weeks seem SO FUCKING LONG. Mahai. WHEN'S IT GONNA END. END END END. WHY'S IT TAKING SO LONG.

Pre exam period is the worst, ESPECIALLY when you're staying with a bunch of fucking rajin people. You ask yourself, Am I doing enough? The answer is FUCK NO. It's NEVER fucking enough when you're co-existing with a bunch of fucking rajin peeps. Heck, what you're doing seems practically useless and insignificant compared to what others may be doing at the same time. What you did, others have already done and they've done more. You ask yourself, Why can other people do and accomplish more during the same time span? How the fuck does one manage to be at it day in day out for fucking 24 hours? Gawd are they not human.

One thing I've learned alright, staying with fucking rajin people sucks. Major. Shit I feel like going on a murderous rampage. Or digging my heart out from its crevices and closely examine why the fuck does it feel like it's clawing its way out of my chest. Fuck. Either stay in or out. Why are you acting up. I need to punch someone or something and SCREAM SCREAM SCREAM.

The feeling of typing gives me kicks. You?

Unfortunately there's nothing to type about hence i don't get to type as much as I'd like.

On a totally unrelated note, man I'm so addicted to Jimmy Eat World's Stay on My Side Tonight.

Where's Strength When I Need It

This post is a constructed as a reminder for myself. (eh ceh why sound so formal wtf)

I shall NOT lose my sanity. I shall not lose my sanity I shall not lose my sanity I shall not lose my sanity I shall not lose my sanity I shall not lose my sanity I shall not lose my sanity I shall not lose my sanity I shall not lose my sanity I shall not lose my sanity I shall not lose my sanity I shall not lose my sanity I shall not lose my sanity I shall not lose my sanity I shall not lose my sanity

and

I shall be grateful for all the things that I have.

Am pretty much mentally and emotionally drained, and impaired wtf.

Honestly a part of me just wanna fuck it and leave it to fate and luck, but of course I'm not supposed to do that.

Just.

Gotta.

Chug on.

For a few more weeks. I SHALL NOT LOSE MY SANITY BY THEN.

****
Oh ya, I know it's pathetic but I still wanna display it wtf... that I have ONE follower! Hehe another person except myself reads this shit? So what it's only ONE? WTF rambling here wtf.

Back From the Dead wtf

Damn. It's been over a month since I last blogged. How sad is that?

Well, only two words are required to describe mah one week holiday. And they are : EXTREME LAZINESS.

Heck, even the thought of getting my laptop out of the bag and switching it on TIRES me. How much lower can one sink? And that explains my absence from the vast world of the in-ter-net. (Say it like how Lucy Liu did in Charlie's Angels WTF nevermind)

So, it has mostly been a lot of staying up till morning, sleeping til afternoon wtf. I'm the epitome of fucked up biological clocks alright.

From here on it's gonna be a documentation of unorganized thoughts. (Ha. Ha. Since when was it organized wtf)

I miss Jay's blog. : (.... the beloved isorule.blogspot that I once frequented a long time ago. Now it's a private blog HAIH. He went on an indefinite hiatus and one day I discovered it became private. Does that mean he's blogging again?? SIGH I'll never know. Heck it was funny, interesting and so GAY. Lol. The little snippets into the life of a gay Malaysian Chinese guy now living in London with his boyfriend, M (if I remember correctly) (I hope they're still together haha). And his family had no idea of his sexual orientation, so he was always afraid that they would find out. HAIH I so miss it. I think I read through his entire archives... all the pornography stuff, the art stuff, the narcissistic stuff. DAMNIT I MISS IT T_T.

I sure as hell hope that one day, oh one day... I'll finally read that Mr Malaria has decided to kick Accounting's ass and go screw something that he likes instead. Donch brainwash yourself please. Oh c'mon do it for mankind lah please. (Pretty please? *pouts*)

It's Sunday already. Meaning, back to that place. Back to that college. SIGH and having to go through all the stressful, meaningless crap again. Gawd help me. You know what that day I even dreamt that I got back mah Econ trial paper and fuck it wasn't pretty. Stupid dream. Why all my dreams also stupid one wtf.

I hate having to go back. I hate having to go back. I hate having to go back. I hate having to go back. I hate having to go back. I hate having to go back. I hate having to go back. I hate having to go back. I hate having to go back. I hate having to go back. I hate having to go back. I hate having to go back.

I hate having to go back. Gee can you tell? WTF.

So... back to living like a zombie again. Don't think that there'll be any updates anytime soon. There's nothing worth updating anyway.

Beach Session

She sat listening, to the rhythm of waves splashing against the shore. Her eyes were transfixed to the horizon, the darkness that saw no end.

A tap on her shoulder. "Hey... thanks for comin." She needn't look, who else could it be?

"What, how could you know that I wasn't some psychopath with an axe?" He exclaimed.

"Well then I'd be dead by now, wouldn't I? So it wouldn't matter anyway." She rolled her eyes at him.

"Sheesh. You're the one who called me here." Feigning indignation, he sat down beside her.

She smiled. "Heh. Yeah... I guess... I needed someone to talk to." The words came out slowly, while her eyes wandered back to the ocean again.

For a few minutes, there they sat. Inhaling, exhaling.

"Er... miss? Your idea of talking is you looking at the ocean while I'm here trying hard to decipher your telepathic messages?"

"Oh all right, I just wanted some company that's all." She snapped.

He chuckled. "I know... I know..." saying it with a tone meant to pacify a dog. Of course he knew, God knows how many times he has been 'dragged' to one of these late night sessions with her. So of course he knew perfectly well.

Her finger started to trail a line along the white sand. She exhaled loudly. "Y' know, sometimes there's just so much stuff going through my mind, sometimes there's nothing. You ever get that?" Her eyes looked into his questioningly.

"Mostly, it's the latter." He said it matter-of-factly, and smiled.

Ignoring that, she continued. "So many questions that I know have no answers, cos they're stupid questions. With no answers! Like what does it meeean when people say some crap like, live life? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

Oh dear. She's getting into one of her animated heated debate pose again. He thought to himself and laughed.

"For fuck's sake, what're you laughing at?" Her eyebrows were crossed. Then she came into realization, "I started to look like a cartoon again huh." -_-. Bravely, he denied it, "Nooope. Nuh-uh. Not. At. All."

More eye rolling from her. She wrapped her arms around her knees to prevent more over enthusiastic movements.

"Every single day, without fail, it's dragging oneself out of bed, going for classes, back home, sleep and repeating the cycle... Man, even zombies have better lives, at least they eat people or something... Even I know I need to get a life, but fuck! I don't even know what "life" is..." She paused for breath. " And later. Later! It'll be dragging oneself off bed, going to work, go home, sleep and repeat. FUCK. That's just fucked up, man, y'know what I mean."

He listened and nodded thoughtfully. "I hear ya, woman." He held his right hand out and showed off his L I F E tattoo on his knuckle. "You wanna know what "life" means? You wanna know it means huh? Well I'll tell ya what it means!"

He crunched his hand into a fist and started, "Life. Is in your hands." He looked at his fist. "Uh.." He closed his left hand on his fist. "See? Your life is in your hands. It's whatever you make of it. What it means is totally up to you, how you mold (uttering the word passionately and deliberately) it. Fuck, it doesn't have a specific meaning, a specific definition! Go to dictionary.com, type in "life" and what do you find? A whole bunch of crap, that's what!"

He looked like a deranged maniac delivering that speech and she couldn't help but laugh out loud. "Jesus. That was.... kinda... corny! Heck the corniest shit that ever came out of your mouth!" They both burst into fits of laughter and collapsed onto the soft, fluffy sand.

"Oh God..." Laying down on the sand and catching her breath, she said, "Then fuck knows what my life means. Worries, responsibilities, being a bore I guess. Sheesh. What bout yours?"

"Mine? I try not to dwell on it. Maybe it's not worth knowing, heh."

"I guess we'll never know the answers... see? Questions with no answers! Shit, we're back to square one..."

They stared at the stars and settled into a long silence.

"Hey, mind if I bombard you with another unanswerable question?"

"Briiing it on, lady! Maybe I have another tattoo to help mah point."

"Fuck! Your knuckle tat didn't prove shit!" She laughed.
"So anyway. Another thing I don't get is when people say they're "searching" for themselves." I sure as hell wanna know how to do that cos I have no idea who or what am I either, so how does one do that ol' wise one?"

"Ah... I think my butt tat can explain on that. Wait a sec." He motioned to unbuckle his belt.

"What? Since when you had your ass permanently scarred?"

He giggled. That old monkey giggle that made him look like a 5 year old. She thumped his arm, "I knew it! Sheesh. Now answer me using your mouth, not your ass. Dumbass."

"Truth is... you can call me dumbass all you want and I still can't answer cos I have no fucking idea too." He finished it in a breath and resigned to his unanswerable fate.

They sighed together. "Well at least we can be clueless together." She finally said. "Yeah..." he agreed. "Something tells me, we're not the only clueless fools."

A!V!R!I!L!

In point form cos lazy to organize thoughts:

• HIGH HIGH HIGH! I screamed till my throat wanted to burst already cos I wanted to fully utilize my throat this time wtf wtf.

• Avril Lavigne is so damn petite! And cute and pwettyyyy...

• Unfortunately we weren't as close to her as we were to MCR, cos there was a freakin VIP section in front wtf! Deng... the place where they were sitting was where we stood last year for MCR ok? We were at the 3rd to 4th row at the Red Zone there... Pengacau betul lar VIPs ni~ We're like WTF? Mana datang VIP-VIP ni? Sumore so many small kids one? Go home and sleep la wtf~ (fan oh kei fan gao la deng...) @ Go home and study la wtf~ (fan oh kei duk shu la deng...)
  

• Her guitarists are effin HOT lor! The drummer also damn yeng... during a short break the drummer entertained us with his skills, bagus nyer. Ala her whole troupe was fanfuckintastic lah, including the dancers wtf.

• So she began with Girlfriend, and ended with Girlfriend remix version and Sk8er Boi.

List of other songs not according to order:
The whole Best Damn Thing album except for One of Those Girls, Contagious, Keep Holding On & I Will Be (I think)
Complicated
I'm With You
Don't Tell Me
My Happy Ending
Losing Grip
He Wasn't
I Always Get What I Want (I think)
Well, I may have left out a few.

• Oh ya and why is she cute? Haha one song at the starting, which song forgot liao paiseh, the music was playing, and she raised her hands, we cheered. Hands down, stopped. Raise again, "WOOOO!!!!!!". Down, *near silence*. And hands up! "AHHHHHHHH!!!!" Then she put her finger to her lips (basically 'shhh' la). This went on for quite some time hahaha. LOL damn she was smiling like a cheeky monkey, playing with us like that. And we followed like a bunch of dopes hahahahaha...

• She was actually better at performing live than I expected. Dunno why I've just had this perception that she's not that good live but hahaha maybe cos all the shouting I couldn't hear mistakes anyway wtf.

• She had maybe... 4 outfit changes?

• Her hair was curly.

• We went in at about 6 sth to 7 o'clock? Then OMFG it started to raaaaaainnn... Wtf it looked like it was really gonna pour but luckily it stopped. We were provided with plastic raincoats wtf, more like plastic bags la with a hood and sleeves wtf. Damn hot and stuffy lor when wearing that plastic thing wtf.
  

• It started at a little after 9 I guess and ended at 10.30 like that. So, less than an hour and a half : (....

• She really did comply with the rules, left out "motherfucking", "hell" and I don't think I heard "shit" either.

• A pink piano was rolled in for her to play during When You're Gone. And she showed off her drumming skills too (for which song forgot liao wtf)! WOOT!

• Was there an encore? Well she said and waved bye and went backstage. So lah we shouted "we want more we want more" After awhile the pink background was dropped and another black one with the star was revealed (WHOAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!). And she sang the last two songs. But is that considered an encore? I don't think so hor... Sk8er Boi ended liao we shouted for encore but to no avail wtf. :'( (MCR pun takde encore how come...)
  

HELL YEAH I had fun!!!!!!! WOOHOO~!!!!! If anyone wants a good workout they really should attend a concert wtf. My face was damn red after the concert ok, and I was sweating all over wtf. Good workout or not lah you say?

But honestly it made me kinda miss MCR wtf. Truth is I would prefer MCR over Avril anytime... T_T... (sorry Avril) We get to head bang a lot more at rock concerts wtf.

Before the Ride Begins. Again.

There is nothing much to say now. Except for stating the obvious. I IS PHAIL!!!! SO DAMN PHAIL...

It's currently 5 in the morning la what do you expect. And I'm not even sleepy wtf. But I don't feel like doing Econs stuff either, so I shall succumb to the pleasures of my bed after this wtf. (read: FUCK THIS SHIT MY ECONS DIE DIE DIE T_____________T)

Don't know what to think anymore. It just feels like nothing's going on in that skull of mine wtf. Things that are not worth thinking are shut out.

Vacuousness. The scary thing is, I'm getting so used to it already. Way too used to it.

Going through the motions of life. Sorta like a train chugging along its tracks. No idea why I thought of that but I just did. Probably something to do with the chugging motion. Don't you feel like that too sometimes? That you're chugging through life wtf?

Go through it a day at a time. It won't be so heavy that way. Well yeah I guess so.

Mathematical Relevation

It's another gloomy day... which equals to?

Gloomy day = No mood to do homework lah! Simple equation also don't know... ish...

This is not just some lame excuse ok! Just think about it, when you envision someone doing homework, don't you think about he or she completing it in a bright, sunny, airy environment? Preferably in a space with lots of huge windows so the sun rays can be welcomed in and there would be no need for artificial lighting. And outside birds are chirping, butterflies are fluttering, lush trees are swaying... aiyah so anyway you get the idea kan wtf...

So agree with me lah wtf today's not a day to do anything wtf.

URGH.

WTF I BEH TAHAN ALREADY LAH IS THE CONCERT ON OR NOT WTF????!!!! IF NOT ON THEN NOT ON LAH I CAN LIVE WITH IT LA PUKIMAK MACAUHAI BUT APA PASAL SAY IT'S BACK ON PULAK??? MAKE UP YOUR FREAKING MIND LAH PEOPLE!!!!! GRRRRRRRRR GERAM LAH WTF!!!!

BEH. TA. HAN HAN HAN HAN HAN HAN......

Sekali-sekala bolehlah, kalau selalu tentu I dibelasah

Hari ini saya membuat keputusan untuk belog dalam bahasa kebangsaan! Kenapa, anda tanya?

Ini adalah kerana saya mendapati BM saya yang teramat pasar amat sesuai untuk mengekspreskan crap-crap yang saya hendak sampaikan ketika ini. Ataupun mungkin jugak I nak belajar cara-cara percakapan mat-mat rempit ...

Mula-mula I nak tanya sesuatu.... KENAPA ULSER ATAS LIDAH SAYA TAK SEMBUH-SEMBUH LAGI????!!!! KENAPA???? KENAPA??? IA BUKAN SATU SAJER TAU! DUA! MCH CCB KNN! ATAS LIDAH! SATU KIRI SATU KANAN LAGI! KENAPA??? I PUN TAK TAU SUDAH BERAPA LAMA I ADA 2 ULSER YANG AMAT BENCI INI... T___________T

Aduhai, walaupun BM saya yang tertulis di sini tidaklah amat teruk *batuk*, kesal bagi saya cakap bahawa saya tak boleh berutur (betul tak??? I tak tau...) selincah begini wtf. Kerana otak saya lembap atau apa, perlu masa yang lama untuk proses perkara-perkara yang hendak dicakap atau apa, I jugak tak tau.

Erm, actually takde banyak benda yang I nak cakap sekarang. Tapi tadi baru sajer tengok satu siri terbitan tempatan yang teramat lucu. Kenapa ia begitu lucu? Lu buatlah judgement anda sendiri.

Ia bermula dengan monolog dalaman seorang intern perempuan.
Ada satu cardio-thorasic (tak pasti tu ejaan) surgeon.
Ada satu neurosurgeon.
Ada 4 interns.
Ada seorang yang suka flirt dan sepatutnya jejaki hensem (sebenarnya sedikit pun tidak) tapi I tak pasti dia surgeon apa sebab tak tengok habis.

Dan yang paling teruk lagi.....

TAJUK SIRI TU IALAH AMPANG MEDIKAL!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Amat ketara ia ialah rip-off dari siri medikal yang mendapat sambutan hangat - Anatomi Kelabu!!!!!!!!!!! Aduhai mengapa???!!! Mengapa nak buat perkara macam ni??? Tak bolehkah penerbit-penerbit tempatan buat sesuatu yang original???

Aduhai.... tak henti-henti abang-abang dan I ketawa semasa menontonnya. Mungkinkah ia sebenarnya berniat untuk menjadi siri komedi dan bukan siri medikal?

Saya rasa sampai sinilah crap saya dalam BM. Semoga anda terhibur dengan bahasa pasar I wtf.

BANYAK STUPIAK

Today, on 20th August 2008, the Malaysian government has once again showcased its stupidity.

By canceling Avril Lavigne's concert in KL on 29th August!!!!!

Citing " it may taint the Muslim-majority country's independence day celebrations after the Islamic opposition slammed her show as being "too sexy." " as a LAME EXCUSE FOR A REASON.

Can I hear you all say, WHAT THE FUCK???

First of all, SINCE WHEN IS AVRIL LAVIGNE SEXY???? (sorry Avril)

There are a lot of events on Aug 29 and the Ministry does not want the independence and the near Ramadan month to be filled with such pop and rock culture, he said.

"As the Minister of Unity, Culture, Arts and Heritage, we should be instilling good culture in the young but here we are allowing other parties to organise things,"

Well I say FUCK TO THAT. If you're so afraid of other cultures "tainting" our precious suci culture then go be the next North Korea lah! Go on, shut yourself out from the rest of the world lah! WELL FACE IT. FACE THE PRICE OF GLOBALISATION WTF. Even if you ban all the concerts you want, Avril fans are still gonna be Avril fans. They'll still be "tainted" one way or another wtf.

Oh the monstrosity that is the Malaysian Government.

This is not so much about not getting to watch Avril on stage.
This is not so much about feeling cheated after reading that "oh everything's fine everything's on track the show will go on" wtf.

It's about our freakin freedom to have a concert in Malaysia without narrow-minded people protesting that it's gonna be "too sexy!" "too much of a bad influence!" "unsuitable!" "inappropriate!" "not good for our youths!" !!!!!

It's about our right to simply attend a concert to HAVE FUN! To experience that high from shouting and cheering in unison! And for diehard Avril fans, to see their idol in action! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR MCH?? Stop taking that away from us!!! As if after one measly concert all the concert goers are gonna fuck around, drop out of school, become mat rempits, flash their boobs (wtf) and so on! You see how ridiculous is that? Maciam mana mereka pikir punya? I TAK FAHAM BOLEHKAH ANDA MEMBERI SAYA SEDIKIT CAHAYA (enlighten me a little wtf) ???!!!!???

I don't get that just for once, can't the Government focus on getting their act together, govern the country properly instead of thinking whether to cancel concerts here, there, everywhere??? PULL YOURSELVES OUT OF THE FIASCO THAT YOU'RE IN FIRST BEFORE DEALING WITH THESE PETTY ISSUES. LOOK AT YOURSELVES!!!!

Oh the monstrosity that is the Malaysian Government!!! I'm sorry I wanna love Malaysia but the government makes it so hard for me to do it T______________T.

Last year, R&B singer Beyonce moved her show from Malaysia to Indonesia, and Christina Aguilera skipped the country on an Asian tour after a controversy erupted over a dress code for foreign artists.

Malaysia requires all performers to wear clothes without obscene or drug-related images and be covered from the chest to the knees. They must also refrain from jumping, shouting, hugging and kissing on stage.

Refrain from jumping, shouting, hugging and kissing? Oh I know what you want, then. A freaking kindergarten story telling session wtf. Go eat shit lah. This is why Singapore is getting all the good acts. Only a causeway apart and so much difference wtf. *sulks*

GO HERE.

Hell yeah it was so stupid to go through the whole 'oh she's comin! oh she's not gonna make it... oh she's comin!!! oh no...' roller coaster ride. Bunch of douchebags.

Questions

One thing's for sure. Studying Economics is depressing.

It makes you wonder, how can some people siphon off the funds that were intended to help the people in their country, just for their own materialistic pleasures? Do they think that living life in luxury is more important than staving off poverty and famine?

Money that amounts to way more than they can use their entire life, do they really need it??

How do they sleep at night, having full knowledge that their wants are satisfied at the expense of the lives of many other people? Do they not feel anything for their own people?

Confusion. Is money really the root of all evil... or are humans just too easily tempted and consumed by greed.

***
It makes you think, what are you doing worrying bout your own dreams and aspirations when there are so many people out there with not even a chance to dream cos they're starving, diseased, trying to make ends meet?

It makes you think, what can you do? What are you supposed to do?

How does one strike a balance between living for themselves and living for others?

It makes you question. Everything.

It's easy to forget about billions of people suffering around the globe when you're living your own petty lives. More often than not, we'll be focusing on ourselves.

"One man can't make a difference." I think these are words of cowardice. And sad to say, I'm a coward too. If not even one man starts paving the road for a better place, a better future, how can the process even begin? How can we even see the light of a better world?

You'll be amazed at the things one man can do. I remembered the music video for 'If Everyone Cared' by Nickelback.

It asks the simple question of "What would happen if everyone cared?" It shows that one man CAN indeed make a difference.

"1984. Bob Geldof. Music journalist turned punk rock frontman was inspired by a news report about Africa's famine epidemic and began his fight against world hunger. He organized the world's first global charity concert - Live Aid. Performances by 100 artists around the world were viewed by 1.5 billion people. Live Aid raised $150 million in one day."

(Sigh let's just hope that the money DID go to people who needed it)

That's just one example of the strength of one man. Go watch it. And I'm sure there are many more Bob Geldofs out there. To all of them, I hope that they continue their efforts and let nothing break their spirits.

"Never doubt that a small group of people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."

- Margaret Mead

Isn't it time we did something too? But how do we begin?

Man, sometimes I feel so unworthy.

It feels good

It feels good to have great friends. : )

Beached Whale

Can someone please tell me why I'm on a constant search for food when I'm at home?? WHY? It's not like I starve at my hostel what! How come ar? T_T... I'm so gonna pay for all the binge eating.

***
Sounds of crunching leaves permeated the cold, silent air. Her footsteps came to a halt.

And she sat down where she always sat. Aches and pain. She was all aches and pain.

How she missed everything.

Like how patient he was whenever she threw her monthly tantrums. She would always be consumed with guilt after that, and make up in her own little ways.

Or how he always gave her hugs whenever she looked like she needed it. He didn't need to utter a single word of comfort, all she needed was him, by her side to wipe her tears and hold her tight.

The feel of his body against hers when they cuddled to sleep.

How he tickled her mercilessly just to annoy her.

His infectious laughter. His crooked smile that would just totally melt her heart.

His breath, his warmth which never failed to make her feel that every thing's gonna turn out fine.

How he made cute little videos of himself before he went on his business trips, to keep her company and let her know that he was missing her too.

How he made her feel that she was great just the way she was.

She reminisced.

She learned how to bake his favourite chocolate chip cookies just for their anniversary, when she had no clue there was tapioca flour and corn flour. She thought there was just, flour.

She bought a set of skimpy lingerie to be wore to bed, but it turned out that he found her sexier in his work clothes.

Their fights. Really huge, major fights which involved endless insults and curses being hurled at each other. Things that shouldn't have been brought up would surface. Then, regrets and tearful apologies.

Their break ups. Their moments of doubts and insecurities. Peculiar times when they felt that they couldn't stand each other anymore. Wondering why they became an item in the first place. But, somehow, they always got back together.

But not this time.

This time, they couldn't reunite no matter what.

She buried her face in her hands. Loud sobs now permeated the seemingly unforgiving, cold air.

As she sat there, in front of the stone that bore the letters,

R.I.P.

..l..

Creeping laziness. Stark contrasts. Grunting monologues. Uneasy silence. Piercing numbness. Empty minds. Lost thoughts.

It's a freaking Sunday & I have nothing but work to do

Presentations are fucked up. You know why? Cos for that meager 4 minutes of talking, you have to slave for a wayyy longer period to get prepared. WTF. What happens in 4 minutes I ask you? Walk out of classroom. Take deep breaths, amble around, glance glance glance. Walk back into classroom. There. 4 minutes.

Another pointless post brought to you by moi.

HOW COME~~~

How come....??? How come my room mate is so damn hardworking~~~ make people feel guilty like hell only la wtf... How come she can stay in the room for the whole day and diligently do homework / study ?? HOW COME??? T_______________T

Eh where she went har. Don't tell me she went to discuss Accounts without me har T_T. Haih never mind also lah, I can't contribute anything also T_T.

Scared shitless

When I'm inspired, maybe I can come up with more him; she stories.

Now, all I am is fucking scared k! OMG like scared till dunno how! T___________T

I hate this feeling. This feeling of impending doom. Feeling lost like a fucking sheep in a jungle. Damn fucked up. Nothing gets more fucked up than this wtf. Maybe other than discovering that your girlfriend just got knocked up.

By someone else wtf.

Oh God, if You are there and listening, please bless this child with the sudden ability to conjure up a good Economics essay on Thursday. T_T. I BEG YOU WTFFF....

Again, damn fucked up wtf.

Motivational Talk 101

"Life is constant suffering. So you must learn how to enjoy suffering." - (My Dad, 2008)

Wow, I'm like so fucking motivated.

Motivated to eat shit, that is.

Yearning for Hair Free-ness and More Randomness

This.

Wa I also want lor can???? Damn ma fan lor those unwanted hair at unwanted places! Dunno what's their purpose also. Reduce friction my ass lah. We can function perfectly well without them what!

***
More random snippets.

She sat on her living room couch. Inhaling deeply, she stared out of the window. At the moving shadows. The trees. The engulfing darkness. The silence.

The light wasn't even on, as she didn't feel that it would make any difference. All she needed was to imagine that she was in a room brightly lit by the sunlight. It was pristine. The breeze that blew in from the outside smelled like summer. It caressed her hair ever so lightly. Outside, the trees were not malicious, but extremely benevolent. Outside, it was so... welcoming.

Despite the scene in her mind, she was still in her living room. Surrounded by nothing but silence.

She slumped.

Him ; She

It was late night.

She got into the car. Looking sweet in a white ruffled halter dress. His expression didn't change, as nonchalant as ever.

"Hey." She smiled at him.

"Yea." He uttered lazily, leaving behind a slight drawl. He had one hand on the wheel, and looked straight ahead on the road. She couldn't keep her eyes off him, as she simply couldn't resist the sight of him driving. There was just something about the juxtaposition of his concentration and recklessness that drives her to watch.

"So... where to?" "You'll see." He answered in his usual laconic manner. Her curiosity wasn't satisfied, but that wasn't unexpected.

On the road, they only had the radio to provide some background music. He lowered the volume before she came in, because he knew she didn't really favour it loud. As usual, she looked out the window after watching him driving for awhile. They have managed to achieve comfortable silences in their times spent together.

So, neither of them spoke. They just needed to be in the presence of each other. To be cognizant of the existence of the other.

She wondered sometimes how people would think when they see them walking together. The girl was always prim and proper, the one people would expect to be a valedictorian. Some would call her kiasu, others nerd. All will agree on straight As student. While the guy, he has this permanent cynical expression on his face. He didn't care much bout his appearance. Not that he needed to, he exuded style no matter what. Shorts, a grey shirt, ear studs, silver ring, flip flops and he's good to go. Oh and don't forget a couple of tattoos on his arms. One simply asked people to "Fuck Off". Some would call him slacker, others badass, all reckon that he should be avoided.

They seemed to be an odd couple. Not that they were a couple, heck none of them could tell you what relationship they're having even if you asked. They just were.

Comfortable with each other. Slowly discovering things bout each other's world that they wouldn't have known had they not met before.

In unusual circumstances they met and got to know each other. Then they grew accustomed to each other. She, waiting for his arrival in his car; he, tuning down the radio before she sat in.

"Almost there."

"Kay."

Library Moments

The reason why I'm blogging at the library is, I've resolved to NOT on my laptop for the rest of the week! My determination is as hard as steel wtf.. yeah right.

So anyway! More wisdom!

The art of feigning interest when you really don't give two fucks!

Lecturer: ... blablabla... Are you guys ok?
You: *nod thoughtfully* *paste that expression on your face as if you've just discovered the path to nirvana*

***
If you're sorta like me, and have spent a fair amount of time thinking about life and all that shit, let me tell you something.


DON'T.

It's not worth it, and definitely won't lead you to any epiphany. It's just a waste of time, cos deep down we all already know the truth of life and its not so mysterious mysteries.

That is...

LIFE SUCKS. Live with it.

Yeah, it really is as simple as that. That's reality. Stop trying to figure out if there's a way around that.

This is more like talking to myself la wtf.

There won't be any updates for some time (I hope).

K bye.

Gut Busting Wisdom

Let me share some profound wisdom here in my humble blog... that will totally blow anyone away with its sheer simplicity and how so very true they are.

"Life is pointless."

"Life sucks to the max."

"Life is stupid. Nope. Make that stoopid."

"Life is like throwing shit on a boomerang. You always get the shit thrown back at you."

"Life is... argh.. I give up."

You get the idea, yea?

So feel free to spread the wisdom!

Hello People

Since I don't want the previous depressing post to be the first post anyone sees when they stumble into here, I shall update. Pfft.

I am now feeling better, FYI. Thanks to lame jokes and a mildly disturbing movie I guess. Lol.

But now I'm feeling guilty cos I practically whiled my weekend away instead of putting it to good use. Le sigh. Is it really supposed to be that way? The feeling of guilt to emerge whenever one is idle?

And now am I making up for the lost precious hours spent moping? Nopeee... obviously here I am online and blogging wtf.

I should be studying! Revising! Religiously completing exercises! Poring over books instead of my laptop! RIGHT???

I wasted 3 days! 3 DAYS FFS!

K I'm starting to sound really kiasu, but what to do? I'm forced to adopt this kiasu attitude nowadays. So I have to force myself to study lor. Force force force! Must continue forcing till the year ends!

Crazy already. Stoopid. -_-.

p/s: Seeeee!!!! I got update my blog! Instead of a certain someone named A_ _ _ n! Cis! Hehehe...

Tired

You want me to express myself?

You really want me to do that?

Then should I tell you just how sick I am of feeling this way. How so sick I am of going through the same old cycle over and over and over...

How sick I am of crying silently in the toilet, or crying myself to sleep and waking up with swollen eyes. How many times, I've lost count.

How sick I am of laughing my heart out when I'm with my friends, but when I'm alone all I wanna do is curl up and disappear.

How sick I am of letting you guys get to me more than I want to.

How sick I am of listening to you guys talk and talk and TALK.

How so very TIRED of it. Wondering why the fuck can't I just suck it up and DEAL WITH IT? WHY?

IT IS JUST. SO. DAMN. SICKENING.

I tried telling myself that it's OK, all I need is to take a few deep breaths and let it pass. Wait it out. Smile a bit. But I couldn't even force a smile out wtf.

I wish I could tell you why I'm like this. But I can't. Cos I don't know. I wish I knew too, but I DON'T.

I've never said that I hate you guys. I never will. I assure you that.

News Flash

Hmm.. okay 2 things I guess:

1. Happy birthday to someone! (He won't see it here anyway... lol)

2. HAHAHA I made a new friend/MSN buddy/whateveryouwannacallit today! (Technically it's yesterday... but whatever...)

Heh I blogged! Lol. So I go sleep now lor wtf.

Keep Holding On WTF

There's nothing much to say. Or rather, there are no words to say. To express.

Technically, around 5 more months to go, right? It'll end soon right? Right?

After that, what? The same cycle repeating itself? What's the whole fucking point of it all.

Sigh dunno lah. Really dunno what to say lah. Dreading going home and facing them. Ya lah I'm definitely in the teenagers stage la wtf. (Recall Egg Shell Lollipop text production lesson WTF)

Tahan xia qu~~~ Chang lok huiiii~~~

Can't really be bothered to use proper English. Or even try to be articulate. That's basically how my mind speaks anyway. Damn rojak one wtf.

WTF Duffy's "Mercy" is playing right now and damn, it's annoying. No matter how many times I listen to it, me still not really likey wtf.

To My Beloved Hehehe

This is a very special post! Cos it's not about me, or other lame crap, it's actually a dedication to someone spesel! Lol.

Who is this post dedicated to, you ask? Jeng jeng jeng!!!! (lame dao)... She's my beloved wife eh wtf!

So today's my beloved's birthday, the day when she popped out of her mother's womb and made life on Earth more awesome with her mere presence wtf. (People's bday ma, of course must sweet talk a bit lah wtf...)

Let me tell you more about this spesel person. Before we knew each other, I noticed her during orientation week, cos ya know, she looked yeng (HAHAHA) and NOT Chinese! I thought she was Malay or what due to her *cough* hitam manis *cough* skin colour. Mana tahu she's 100% Chinese la wtf. I'm not to be blamed lah, I wasn't the only one who thought that way kan? Hehe, she has a cool exterior, but BUT! Do not be deceived! She's actually super duper 38 / cheap / jip / murah! A fine example of do not judge a book by its cover man. Sumore always try to act posh, but actually she's cheap till dunno how one. LOL. Thanks to her influence, I also became cheap already. WTF man. Bad influence lor can!

DESPITE her unbelievable cheapness, hahaha I love my wife for who she is :)... She may look hardcore and try to act posh, but inside she's really a sensitive, kind, thoughtful, sweet, caring (insert positive trait lol) girl. A fun person to be with. When she was absent from classes due to sickness, we all missed her hahaha... partly cos the class would be so quiet without her la wtf. (Cos she's damn bising lidat wtf hahaha)

I'm very glad to have known such an awesome babe! Although we've only known each other for less than one year, I feel that we've been best friends for a long long time! Right right babe? Lol, damn cliche wtf... Damn, I really hope that we all can go to the same university lor! Wouldn't it be great if we did??

And! I tell you she has the coolest hair styles everrr.. lol. Her current one is her coolest yet me thinks! Really like it la babe. Wanna kidnap your hair stylist. But then also no use cos my hair damn lembik like that wtf. T_T.

Anywayyy, moving on... obviously lah this post is to wish her a

VERY VERY VERY HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Babe you're officially of legal age already! Although you already look old mature, NOW you can finally proclaim that you ARE old mature! Hope all your wishes come true and all that lah!

Hope you have a great birthday ya! Did you enjoy your 2nd clubbing experience? Lol. Tell me all the juicy detailsss!!!!! Mwahahahaha...

Lastly, apart from the card that I made for you with all mah lurve, you get a BIG FAT WET KISS from meeee!!!!! *MUACKSSSSS!!!*

Love you loads!

I Know...

I'm not good enough. I'm never good enough.

I'm not a straight As student lah, I know that ok?

I'm not my eldest bro, or third bro or fourth bro, I'm not ok?

1st day of col and I'm already broke wtf

Kinda unsure what feelings are brewing now... Boredom? Sense of lost? Dazed? Just can't pinpoint it... could be a mixture of a few. This sensation, unfeeling yet real, is really quite annoying. It gnaws at you, grinding ever so slowly at your nerves, but you have no fucking idea what the hell is wrong. If you look at yourself from a third person point of view, you can't see anything wrong. No, nothing's wrong. But the first person just knows something's just wrong. Somewhere. Somehow.

Jesus, seriously annoying, cloying and boiling WTF.

Update #18238972839

Another day I decided to wake up in the morning, my uncle was here. So I stayed in my room and started to read a book. And fell asleep. GAWD.

Now I feel groggier than ever.

Crap.

Why I didn't wanna go down was to avoid any conversation whatsoever with my uncle. I dread those obligatory small talk about studies. College. How's it going and all that shiznit. I fear it. So I run from it wtf. It's so painful. Agonizing. I'm thinking in choppy sentences here so forgive me.

***

All of the above was written yesterday.

So anyway, I just had to chance upon some site called addictinggames.com, and FFS I just had to get addicted to this game called Fashion Solitaire. T.T

I'm a sucker for these kind of stuff I know.

I woke up, in the afternoon, ate my lunch, and started playing. Almost non-stop. 40 plus rounds. 46? 47? Somewhere there. Now my eyes are like two useless piece of shit cos they almost lost all function due to lack of blinking wtf.

I just can't help it! It's like being in a trance, always clicking the evil 'Continue' button even though you feel your already mushy brain is turning into well, slosh.

Good thing is it's some way to pass the time, albeit a stupid way wtf.

Imma continue playing wtf. Just kill me, this useless piece of meat. Lol.

More self amusement

Despite the thunder thighs and cellu-freakin-lite, I think I'm still a child at heart.

Cos you know why? When there's nothing to do, I resort to self amusement. In mah blog. Yesh, I'm that pathetic. Children resort to self amusement all the time. How many times have you seen a kiddo laugh his head off due to some reason that you simply can't comprehend? Somehow our ability to amuse ourselves have diminished over time. Ain't that a pity. Nobody will feel bored if those abilities develop with age.

But I digress.

You know how people always come up with stuff like "Things to do before I die"? Now ain't that total bullcrap. Those are just wishful thinking, and they are fully aware of it. Cos logically speaking, who can have Jessica Alba's body and get to indulge in all types of cuisines around the world? Impossible right? So don't you just feel like slapping these people to their senses.

But anywayyy, since well I have nothing better to do, I came up with my own to-do list before my last breath. In no apparent order.

Behold! My most "impressive", "awe-inspiring"...

TO - DO LIST!!!
1. Bungee jump

2. Have sex Make love wtf

3. Travel around the world (So typical pffft)

4. Be a ROCK STAR wtf (Seriously. lol)

5. Tell people who deserve it to just shove all their crap back up their ass

6. Start my own foundation named "Education is Overrated". Simply cos education is often overrated. Yeah. I'll teach children (future tunggak negara wtf) the real skills required to survive this harsh, harsh world. How to pluck your eyebrows, how to cut your nails, how to kiss major ass and all the shiznit, ya know?

7. Get invited to guest star in a series like Desperate Housewives, or Ugly Betty, then the producers get so impressed by my performance they ask me to replace one of the main cast. With a superb high fee. Oh yeah.

8. If I can't be a rock star, Imma marry one wtf

That's all I can think of so far in my bloated state wtf. I swear I've accumulated so much crap in mah intestines they're gonna blow anytime. Ok that's gross wtf.

Sigh I love my blog. As crude and distasteful and dumbass as it may be, it reflects just how crude, distasteful and dumbass I can be.

This turned into such a freakin long post that nobody reads anyway lol

I can't believe it. I can't fuckin believe it.

The one day that I decide to actually wake up in the morning~ I'm freakin home alone. Boohoo... With zero driving skills and sense of direction, there's no possible way that I'm going anywhere. Le sigh.

So since I'm practically ensconced in mah home, I shall do what I do best here wtf. That is to fill mah blog with incessant crap.

You remember last time in primary school (seems like eons ago... GAWD i feel like an old hag) when we were required to fill in these stupid forms, we had to state our 3 ambitions? Well I shall say, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?

As if some innocent, wide-eyed, undeveloped kids would actually KNOW what they wanna be some 20 years later?? Heck, even at the age of seven-fucking-teen, I don't have a single clue! So how do you actually expect a midget who barely knows anything about the sucky world to freakin realize what is their fuckin cita-cita??

Again, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?

You know what I think? It's just one whole big brainwashing scheme for kids. Start when they're young and impressionable mah. Cos you remember what most of the kids filled in? Fucked up boring jobs like doctor (yi sheng), lawyer (lu shi), engineer (gong chen shi *shudder*), accountant (kuai ji shi right?), teacher / LAO SHI (omfg gullible GULLIBLE kids!)...

It's a conspiracy I tell you! To get kids to grow into people who only cares bout money and don't mind having soul-sucking, mind-numbing jobs! I mean, does that mean that all the other jobs were just crap? Worthless? What about music producers? DJs? Restaurant owners? And other shit? (The lao shi one was probably just to suck up to the teachers. Damn what a bunch of ass kissers)

Just look at those pathetic generic answers! What does that say huh?

That even when we were small, we were made to believe that only those jobs were respectable, acceptable and vegetable wtf. Even when we were small, our minds were drilled with that android conception that money is ALL that matters.

Sad to say, I was a victim of that ruthless brainwashing too. Admit it, we all were. Once I filled in "nurse" actually, but my teacher convinced me to change it to "doctor", cos you know, nurses have to clean bed pans and stuff wtf.

You see??!! Propaganda!!! (Shall forgive her cos I actually liked her lol)

What I think was the most honest, true to oneself ambition was...

Wait for it...

Wait for it...

WAIT FOR IT...

HAWKER!!!!!!

Wtf that was a lil over dramatic eh. Really, isn't that the most practical, down-to-earth ambition ever? I salute the guy for being clear with what he wanted to be, even at the vulnerable age of perhaps... 11? And to think that we were actually surprised that someone would fill in that. We secretly sniggered at the person who aspired to be a "lowly" hawker...

But now, don't we ALL wanna be hawkers? They make a whole lotta moolah, no office politics, they don't have to dress up for work, only have to know how to cook a signature dish or two and they can live a comfortable life! Holy mama! *Respect!*

Wow I was getting way worked up over this issue wtf.

So people, if (God forbid) you have kids in the future, puh-leeeze don't let them be brainwashed. Stop all these accountant, lawyer, doctor crap. Let those stupid forms be more interesting eh? Stripper, Dancer, Vet, Phone Operator wtf... anything but the usual boring crap.

So when you're called in the teacher's office to discuss this "problem" about your kid, you shall be so proud that he/she didn't succumb to the pressures of society. He/she stood their ground and dengan bangganya, wrote "Pole dancer".

Now isn't that the most heart warming thing ever.

You shall be so proud.

G-R-O-S-S

What do you think of commercials? Do you prefer them to be sentimental? Touching? Funny? Action-packed wtf?

Well I know what I DON'T want them to be. GROSS.

We're never gonna win an award for the funniest commercials. That title probably belongs to Thailand, The US of A or basically anywhere but here. But lemme tell you what we CAN win.

The title of the GROSSEST commercial. Or it's more of a Public Service Announcement, really.

Bah, whatever it is, it's plain out disgusting.

If you've been watching the tv, or more specifically TV2 I think, you would have came across this few-minutes-long PSA (or whatever) about taking care of our sewage system. Love the system, don't throw rubbish into the toilet bowls that sorta stuff.

Ring any bells yet?

Now can anyone seriously deny how gross that piece of PSA is?

When that lady slipped and fell upon the pool of festering shit juice, and her hands were covered with crap, did you not go "EWWW!!!!!!" ?

When you laid your poor eyes upon that toilet bowl filled to the brim with brown (like MILO) shit water, did you not exclaim "OMFG HOLY SCHMOLY WTF??!!" ?

AND when that lady was walking to the stall and unfortunately came across the lumpy, watery, throbbing pile of crap with a life of its own wtf, did you not go "WTF WHAT KIND OF SERIOUSLY DISTURBING AD IS THIS???" ?

And everything that came after that did not matter, cos those images were imprinted into your minds forever and ever. And it kept replaying and replaying... GAH!!!

So ladies and gentlemen, that's how we got to claim the highly UN-coveted, notorious title of grossest commercial (PSA, ad.. whatever la) ever in the history of mankind.

But you've gotta give it credit for being memorable, eh?

Although... to think that we actually need to be reminded by the media of how to take care of our sewage system?

That's just SAD, man.

So fucking sad.

Let's have a few minutes of silence to mourn

Maybe there's a reason why I wake up only when the sun has risen for way more hours than me.

The simple reason that there's nothing to wake up to?

I'm rotting anyway, so why can't I rot in the comforts of my bed??? GOT ANYTHING WRONG MEH? ILLEGAL AR WTF?

K I'm starting to sound like XiaXue wtf.

That aside, something sad has happened in a friend's life. He lost his close friends to an accident! (I don't really know the details, dare not ask too much lar) OMG how freaking sad is that??? Man, how do you deal with stuff like that?

Rest in peace, people. Although I dunno who you are, R.I.P.

I have a lot going on in my mind.

And I have nothing going on in my mind.

Is that even possible?

What I'm feeling right now is lying-on-the-bed-silently-weeping-wondering-why-the-tears-ain't-coming-kinda emptiness. You familiar with that feeling?

It's very different from bawling-your-eyes-out-clawing-at-your-heart-cos-it-just-hurts-SO-MUCH sensation.

The difference is for the latter, the tears come much easier.

Back then I would say what I had was moderate to severe depression. Now, I mean right at this moment, it's just mild depression...? So... that's a good thing right?

Some self-sabotaging part of me wishes that I could go back to those days. Where I had a reason to cry. Or it seemed that I had a valid, indisputable reason.

Yeap, it's one of those days.

One of those days where you just wanna lie somewhere and slowly rot and cease to exist. Cos it wouldn't make a difference anyway. Nobody would even notice.



Ahh, what the heck.

I'll be better.

I think.

No, I will.

Blogging just for the sake of it

The weather was pretty good. Until it began to rain every single day AGAIN. Why oh why can't good things last?

And I'm sneezing like I've inhaled a whole pot of pepper for god-knows-what-reason.

You know the person has no life when he/she talks bout the weather in his/her blog. LOL.

That aside, Click Five's Empty is damn nice! *big wet eyes*

Staccato

Truth is, I'm a messy cook. And I do mean messy. What may go wrong, goes wrong.

That's why I don't cook you see.

BUT upon laying my eyes on that lone piece of cheese. I knew I had to make full use of it.

So I did.

Think sausages, egg, pepper and cheese.

YUM.

And I didn't blow up the kitchen! Which is totally promising. Heh.

Maybe there's hope for me after all.

It's The Holidaysssssss

Stumbled upon these.

"One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh no," I said, "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but decided to go home instead."

"The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face."

"When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns."

WTF. When/How/Why do people come up with these stuffs. Lol.

Note: Stumbling is such a time filler!!!!!
***
My MSN excerpt:

"I have no life whatsoever.

But who cares since it's the holidayssssss!!!!!!!!!

I can be lifeless and no one needs to give a fuck about it!"

Wise words wise words...

Ahhhh... bliss...
***
I don't get these creatures called human beings. They want something, then when they have it, they want to return to the old times. Very wtf one lor.

Like, when they were small and stripped of the "power" to make decisions, act on their own will, all they wanted to do was grow up.
But when they do, when they finally do, after so much pain and aches and confusion, all they want is to jump into a swirl of time portal and go back to childhood. Days of seemingly no worries.

But what they don't know is that they'll start wishing to grow up again and the vicious cycle FREAKIN' CONTINUES.

Or when you were busting your ass off for SPM, you were dying for it to be over and done with. Dreaming about college or whatever shit that you planned to do after high school. HOWEVER, when you got into college and got sucked into this whirlpool of endless suckiness, you realised you wouldn't mind taking SPM over and over again if that's what it takes to keep from entering this new life you're in. If that's what it takes to keep from "growing up".

Why the fuck? Cos people are never content. Cos people always have these fantasies of what the future might hold, and when they reach the destination and it's not what they imagined, they're disillusioned, petrified, shaken, caught off guard. And suddenly what they yearned for so long isn't what they want anymore. Now they just wanna board the first flight back to the past.

If only it were that easy.

P/s: This actually ain't an emo post.

Fuck it. Just fuck it.

I'm gonna give myself 1 minute to blog wtf.

Exam breeds kiasu-ism and staying with hardworking people festers even MORE kiasu-ism.

Put one and one together and you'll get two, which is MAJOR FUCKED UP KIASU-ISM THAT YOU NEVER KNEW EXISTED IN YOUR PATHETIC SHAMELESS SOUL.

W. T. F.

Exam Whores

People, I think it's safe to say that we have all become SLAVES.

Slaves to who???

To freaking GRADES. To freaking TEST AND EXAM RESULTS.

wtf.

By the way I'm like so damn unprepared lor can. Whole day did a little bit only wtf.