Shit. Got test on Monday but haven't studied. Can't even concentrate for more than 1 minute. Arghhhhhh!!!!!!!oneonesatuyiyat Past weeks have been sian. Realised time is running out before SPM but still, given my laziness and lack of motivation, not studying and watching the time fly by. In just a blink of an eye, it's already June damnit! WTF? Birthday already passed, must stop daydreaming already... big girl liao.
Feel so old. I don't feel my age at all, I feel like 50 plus. What with my sedentary lifestyle and all. Aren't teenagers supposed to be vibrant, energetic and fun? Geez, all of that I'm not. A freak I am. Bleah.
I want to start on a new novel, but cannot because of the test. Sigh, so annoying. No wonder Malaysians don't read. They study texts, and texts and texts.
Oh God, waistline expanding to China. It's like I'm having a whole float for a tummy. Sheesh, until my pinafore tight already (it was quite loose before!). Despite that, still eating like a pig. Maybe I'll get hypertension or clogged arteries? Or *gasp!* stroke! My diet is probably a major part of the reason why I feel so lazy all the time. Fat arse.
There. Life of a teenager. Bitching like nobody's business.
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Untitled again
Damn useless. So fucking USELESS..SS..SS. I don't understand my bro. The whole freaking pail of clothes to hang sat there for the whole freaking morning. dong mou tai dou isit? Must wait for me to come back to hang isit? I'm a maid isit? You're the emperor ISIT? IS IT???????? Now I know how mom's been feeling all these years. So irritating. Lift one finger also cannot la. How to be doctor like that? MCH AR. I'm already very useless la, can't believe elder bro more useless. Don't even seem nearing 20. More like still an immature teenager. Sheeeesssssshhhhhh.... and he thinks I'M the only spoilt one here. MCH! Aiya one day I will die young after a heart attack cos too gik sam.
It's one of those days again. Those I-wish-I-wasn't-born days / Hoping-to-strangle-someone-or-myself days / Wanting-to-scream-out-loud days. Most probably PMS. I think. It's times like these that I wish I was a boy. Sigh. Such a shitty mood. Enough shit to make a three-tier chocolate cake. Really, sometimes I think that I'm just a mistake. I shouldn't be here. Redundant existence. More burden to parents. Why couldn't they have stopped after 4 children? Shit. Never heard of condom isit. MCH.
How the hell did I end up being who I am today? I don't like it ok. I don't like it at all. I hate it. I know wallowing in self-pity wont do anything but I can't help it. Mostly when my mind wanders, the self-loathing begins. I think sometimes mom regrets ever getting married. And getting married to dad. She probably envies her single friends who I think, have much less restrictions and more indulgences.
People really should think thoroughly when they decide to have babies. They should be really really really sure that they can handle it. There's something called contraception, damnit. Don't be irresponsible and let someone be brought to this world to suffer.
Sigh. Birthday's coming. I want a punching bag, so can vent. So much repressed frustrations to let out. This blog is sooo pathetic, only have 6 posts.Damn fail.
It's one of those days again. Those I-wish-I-wasn't-born days / Hoping-to-strangle-someone-or-myself days / Wanting-to-scream-out-loud days. Most probably PMS. I think. It's times like these that I wish I was a boy. Sigh. Such a shitty mood. Enough shit to make a three-tier chocolate cake. Really, sometimes I think that I'm just a mistake. I shouldn't be here. Redundant existence. More burden to parents. Why couldn't they have stopped after 4 children? Shit. Never heard of condom isit. MCH.
How the hell did I end up being who I am today? I don't like it ok. I don't like it at all. I hate it. I know wallowing in self-pity wont do anything but I can't help it. Mostly when my mind wanders, the self-loathing begins. I think sometimes mom regrets ever getting married. And getting married to dad. She probably envies her single friends who I think, have much less restrictions and more indulgences.
People really should think thoroughly when they decide to have babies. They should be really really really sure that they can handle it. There's something called contraception, damnit. Don't be irresponsible and let someone be brought to this world to suffer.
Sigh. Birthday's coming. I want a punching bag, so can vent. So much repressed frustrations to let out. This blog is sooo pathetic, only have 6 posts.Damn fail.
Sunday, July 02, 2006
Fight Videos Research-cum-Crap
I couldn't have said it better. Quote Kenny Sia, "It seems as if handphone-recorded fight videos are the new porn."
Why leh har? If ass itchy and feel like picking fight then fight only la, why ass itchy until want to record leh? It baffles me. Maybe they:
a) are aspiring film makers. After witnessing how much attention Tammy NYP got, they decided to do the same thing. But aiya... too shy to flash their tits or penises. Considering what gets attention, ie VHS (violence, horror, sex), them genius teenagers thought that the horror thing totally overdone and settled for violence. Everyone has a lil' violence in them, so they got equipment, actors, script (actually don't have also can), talent.... why not?? Action!
b) are aspiring actors. Taking the opportunity to pave their future career path, the videos would definitely benefit them when they go for auditions.
"Neh, I acted in that 'St Jose girls fighting' video leh... I was that vicious bitch who kept on screaming hysterically ar... "
"OH! That bitch! Fuyoorr.... really lihai eh you.. can act really well eh! Ok, you're hired!"
"We'll probably give you the role of CCB, a woman who occasionally runs in the scene and slaps people..."
"......." -_-'
b) are innocent and naive, just wanted to test their handphone video. What better way to test than recording a fast-paced, real event right? Sigh.. one of the consequences of technology... yadda yadda yadda..
c) ass itchy (si fat han) la, what else...
Geez, why don't these things happen at my school. Then got something interesting to talk about ma. I don't see any cat fight? Wrestling matches? Sian only. So outdated, man.
*Shit must finish this post eh. Sitting as draft for one day liao.
*Shit now REALLY must finish this. Sat for two days liaooooo.. but now no mood to blog already. Damn.
Er, moving on. Well, I wonder how did they feel when they first saw their video in the papers. Was it "Ah ma, ngo duk jor la!! Ngo sheong bou zi ar! (Mom, I've made it! I'm in the papers!)" or "shit... if kena found out how?"
Maybe... just maybe I can 'direct' my own video! Muahahaha... just have to find someone yong sui enough to be punched. No, not slap, punch.
Er, ok. I think I better stop now. Reading what I wrote, I want to puke blood. So mou liu.
Why leh har? If ass itchy and feel like picking fight then fight only la, why ass itchy until want to record leh? It baffles me. Maybe they:
a) are aspiring film makers. After witnessing how much attention Tammy NYP got, they decided to do the same thing. But aiya... too shy to flash their tits or penises. Considering what gets attention, ie VHS (violence, horror, sex), them genius teenagers thought that the horror thing totally overdone and settled for violence. Everyone has a lil' violence in them, so they got equipment, actors, script (actually don't have also can), talent.... why not?? Action!
b) are aspiring actors. Taking the opportunity to pave their future career path, the videos would definitely benefit them when they go for auditions.
"Neh, I acted in that 'St Jose girls fighting' video leh... I was that vicious bitch who kept on screaming hysterically ar... "
"OH! That bitch! Fuyoorr.... really lihai eh you.. can act really well eh! Ok, you're hired!"
"We'll probably give you the role of CCB, a woman who occasionally runs in the scene and slaps people..."
"......." -_-'
b) are innocent and naive, just wanted to test their handphone video. What better way to test than recording a fast-paced, real event right? Sigh.. one of the consequences of technology... yadda yadda yadda..
c) ass itchy (si fat han) la, what else...
Geez, why don't these things happen at my school. Then got something interesting to talk about ma. I don't see any cat fight? Wrestling matches? Sian only. So outdated, man.
*Shit must finish this post eh. Sitting as draft for one day liao.
*Shit now REALLY must finish this. Sat for two days liaooooo.. but now no mood to blog already. Damn.
Er, moving on. Well, I wonder how did they feel when they first saw their video in the papers. Was it "Ah ma, ngo duk jor la!! Ngo sheong bou zi ar! (Mom, I've made it! I'm in the papers!)" or "shit... if kena found out how?"
Maybe... just maybe I can 'direct' my own video! Muahahaha... just have to find someone yong sui enough to be punched. No, not slap, punch.
Er, ok. I think I better stop now. Reading what I wrote, I want to puke blood. So mou liu.
Saturday, July 01, 2006
Titled Rubbish
My English teacher told me I have a flair for writing. Wow. I was really flattered! I think compared to Michael Ooi or viewtru, I only deserve to dunk my head into a toilet bowl and flush. Their talent is really wasted, man. They definitely have what it takes to be probloggers...
Do I really have a flair for writing? I don't know lor. I wanted to become a freaking writer or columnist, but I'm just very unsure. My other options include fashion designer and bakery owner. Hah. They're dreams, just dreams. Typical Chinese mindset: find 'practical' job to earn money, money, money... Sigh. Sibeh sian. I don't really want to become a millionaire, I just want to earn enough money for neccesities and occasional pamperings. I also want to travel, like everywhere. But these are all 'drafts' for my future, only sketches. I guess you can say I daydream a lot, lor.
(Suddenly, with conviction) Yes, my main goal is to travel (with whom, not sure) . So, of course I would need some dough right. Maka, either I marry a rich guy or work my ass off to earn enough money... hmm.. decisions decisions. It's final. I'm gonna be a gold digger. kekekeke...
You see, that's why I blog anonymously. If rich guys read this( I doubt anybody reads this shit, but still better safe than sorry, rite?), I sure cannot reach my goal liao.
Afterthought:What a whole load of crap I just wrote. Teacher said I have a flair somemore.... sheesh! OK, I admit it! I wrote this bullshit so my loser blog wont have a grand pathetic amount of 3 posts!
Do I really have a flair for writing? I don't know lor. I wanted to become a freaking writer or columnist, but I'm just very unsure. My other options include fashion designer and bakery owner. Hah. They're dreams, just dreams. Typical Chinese mindset: find 'practical' job to earn money, money, money... Sigh. Sibeh sian. I don't really want to become a millionaire, I just want to earn enough money for neccesities and occasional pamperings. I also want to travel, like everywhere. But these are all 'drafts' for my future, only sketches. I guess you can say I daydream a lot, lor.
(Suddenly, with conviction) Yes, my main goal is to travel (with whom, not sure) . So, of course I would need some dough right. Maka, either I marry a rich guy or work my ass off to earn enough money... hmm.. decisions decisions. It's final. I'm gonna be a gold digger. kekekeke...
You see, that's why I blog anonymously. If rich guys read this( I doubt anybody reads this shit, but still better safe than sorry, rite?), I sure cannot reach my goal liao.
Afterthought:What a whole load of crap I just wrote. Teacher said I have a flair somemore.... sheesh! OK, I admit it! I wrote this bullshit so my loser blog wont have a grand pathetic amount of 3 posts!
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
My Fantasy Guy
I never knew I would say this but I think I want a freakin' boyfriend. Not just ANY boyfriend, but to fall in love. I reckon it would be a good feeling, you see.
I want someone who wants to take care of me for the rest of his life. Yeah la I'm damn spoilt like that. But to be fair, I also can take care of him ma. Physically, he doesn't have to look like Wentworth Miller (but there's no harm if he does.... drool..).
It's best if he has broad shoulders, for me to lie on, and nicer to hug (I think?)
Seriously, I don't want any puppy love bullshit. What is the freaking point anyway. Guys my age are just too immature, ugh. I WANT A MATURE GUY, DAMNIT. (Very weird la, like I'm demanding or ordering a grown man from some counter)
My fantasy guy would know how to cook...because I can't. He doesn't need to be a gourmet chef la, knowing basic stuffs is enough. And I also will learn to cook and bake for him, so I can fatten him up so he cannot complain if I grow fat! MUAHAHAHAHA.... He also won't mind doing the chores and all (this very hard to find loh..)
Daydreaming sigh... he must be very huggable, cos all I have to hug now is my pillow. While hugging pillows are comfortable, it can't grow hands and wipe my tears off. Sigh... somemore he can cheer me up whenever I'm down, is able to bear with my idiosyncrasies and bouts of depression...
Plus, his kindness and other good qualities will affect me too and make me a better person. He will make me feel good about myself. He doesn't necessarily need to be a saint cos I'm aware that I'm no angel myself. Good listener. Good sense of humour. Yadda yadda yadda...
Oh ya, he gives a real good massage. This trait would be really useful when I'm tired and sore.
If got some of these qualities, I think good enough gua. Unfortunately, I don't think I'll ever get a guy like that cos I don't really deserve him.... so my fantasy guy will remain just that, a fantasy.
I want someone who wants to take care of me for the rest of his life. Yeah la I'm damn spoilt like that. But to be fair, I also can take care of him ma. Physically, he doesn't have to look like Wentworth Miller (but there's no harm if he does.... drool..).
It's best if he has broad shoulders, for me to lie on, and nicer to hug (I think?)
Seriously, I don't want any puppy love bullshit. What is the freaking point anyway. Guys my age are just too immature, ugh. I WANT A MATURE GUY, DAMNIT. (Very weird la, like I'm demanding or ordering a grown man from some counter)
My fantasy guy would know how to cook...
Daydreaming sigh... he must be very huggable, cos all I have to hug now is my pillow. While hugging pillows are comfortable, it can't grow hands and wipe my tears off. Sigh... somemore he can cheer me up whenever I'm down, is able to bear with my idiosyncrasies and bouts of depression...
Plus, his kindness and other good qualities will affect me too and make me a better person. He will make me feel good about myself. He doesn't necessarily need to be a saint cos I'm aware that I'm no angel myself. Good listener. Good sense of humour. Yadda yadda yadda...
Oh ya, he gives a real good massage. This trait would be really useful when I'm tired and sore.
If got some of these qualities, I think good enough gua. Unfortunately, I don't think I'll ever get a guy like that cos I don't really deserve him.... so my fantasy guy will remain just that, a fantasy.
Saturday, June 17, 2006
10 Weird Things About Dad
Dad, you are weird in many ways.
Let me elaborate.
You:
1) Don't wash your hands after pissing.
- You say that you don't touch your 'kuku' but how can we know for sure? Is it really possible for guys to piss without touching their penises?
2) Like to throw rubbish into the kitchen sink when the rubbish bin is right beside it.
- What's with that eh?
3) Always repeat yourself.
4) Always repeat yourself. Again and again and again.
- And see? Now you have me doing it too!
5) Talk when nobody else's listening.
- And it amazes me that even without a listener, you still can go on and on and on... about a topic no one really cares about.
6) Shout at the handphone.
- There's really no need for that la, the person at the other side can hear you just fine. Just cos your hearing is deteriorating, it does not mean that other people's are.
7) Scratch your butt and then 'sayang' me and still don't think that anything's wrong with that.
- Wah, your butt made of gold is it? You argue by saying:" I'm your father, you know!" So?? That makes your butt cleaner than other people's is it? It's gross ok!
8) Scrath your crotch too.
- And don't you think I don't see it. Actually, you don't make much an effort to hide the habit either. The weird thing is I seem like the only one who notices. Don't know whether mum and bro pretend cannot see or really blind already. Again, that's gross ok! Grosser! And don't even say "I'm your father, ok?!"
9) Put on waaaaayyy to much perfume when you go to functions.
- Do you take pleasure in suffocating people? You should really have watched "Queer Eye". Kyan says:" Spray, delay and walk away!"
10) Easily get obsessed.
- There was the 'Bejeweled' obsession, internet surfing obsession and now you're obsessed with health. I reckon that's not really a bad thing but it's starting to piss mum off. *she even says you're on the verge of being crazy! gasp!* Is this a mid-life crisis thing?
That's all I can think of, for now.
Oh yeah, Happy Father's Day.
Let me elaborate.
You:
1) Don't wash your hands after pissing.
- You say that you don't touch your 'kuku' but how can we know for sure? Is it really possible for guys to piss without touching their penises?
2) Like to throw rubbish into the kitchen sink when the rubbish bin is right beside it.
- What's with that eh?
3) Always repeat yourself.
4) Always repeat yourself. Again and again and again.
- And see? Now you have me doing it too!
5) Talk when nobody else's listening.
- And it amazes me that even without a listener, you still can go on and on and on... about a topic no one really cares about.
6) Shout at the handphone.
- There's really no need for that la, the person at the other side can hear you just fine. Just cos your hearing is deteriorating, it does not mean that other people's are.
7) Scratch your butt and then 'sayang' me and still don't think that anything's wrong with that.
- Wah, your butt made of gold is it? You argue by saying:" I'm your father, you know!" So?? That makes your butt cleaner than other people's is it? It's gross ok!
8) Scrath your crotch too.
- And don't you think I don't see it. Actually, you don't make much an effort to hide the habit either. The weird thing is I seem like the only one who notices. Don't know whether mum and bro pretend cannot see or really blind already. Again, that's gross ok! Grosser! And don't even say "I'm your father, ok?!"
9) Put on waaaaayyy to much perfume when you go to functions.
- Do you take pleasure in suffocating people? You should really have watched "Queer Eye". Kyan says:" Spray, delay and walk away!"
10) Easily get obsessed.
- There was the 'Bejeweled' obsession, internet surfing obsession and now you're obsessed with health. I reckon that's not really a bad thing but it's starting to piss mum off. *she even says you're on the verge of being crazy! gasp!* Is this a mid-life crisis thing?
That's all I can think of, for now.
Oh yeah, Happy Father's Day.
Lame First Post
Well, actually, 'self-absorb' does not exist, neither does 'self-absorbence'. Bah, whatever la.
I deleted my late blog because my bro found it. *sob* I even gave it a proper funeral and all. Actually, no I didn't. I blogged anonymously but it was damn freaking obvious it was me cos of some things I blogged about... sheesh what's the point of anonymosity if people are gonna find out anyway?? Anyway, I'm gonna try to be real careful this time. People are freaking weird. Can blog to let strangers read but scared of family or friends finding out. At least I am weird in that sense.
So, I wondered whether to start a new blog... and I figured that I'll go crazy if I just keep talking to myself in my head. I need a place to ramble, damn it! Muahahaha... and this is the first of other self-obesessed posts to come.
Or is this the start of a journey of self-discovery? Erm, yeah I know that sounded real corny and all... I'm just in this state where I have no idea who I am or what I wanna do in my life. I'm sure everyone's been through this. I think. Being a teenager with raging hormones, this process is not easy at all. For me, it has been painful, emotionally. And perhaps slowly numbing my senses to everything else but me.. is that why I'm so self-absorbed?
How does one start or end this journey?
I deleted my late blog because my bro found it. *sob* I even gave it a proper funeral and all. Actually, no I didn't. I blogged anonymously but it was damn freaking obvious it was me cos of some things I blogged about... sheesh what's the point of anonymosity if people are gonna find out anyway?? Anyway, I'm gonna try to be real careful this time. People are freaking weird. Can blog to let strangers read but scared of family or friends finding out. At least I am weird in that sense.
So, I wondered whether to start a new blog... and I figured that I'll go crazy if I just keep talking to myself in my head. I need a place to ramble, damn it! Muahahaha... and this is the first of other self-obesessed posts to come.
Or is this the start of a journey of self-discovery? Erm, yeah I know that sounded real corny and all... I'm just in this state where I have no idea who I am or what I wanna do in my life. I'm sure everyone's been through this. I think. Being a teenager with raging hormones, this process is not easy at all. For me, it has been painful, emotionally. And perhaps slowly numbing my senses to everything else but me.. is that why I'm so self-absorbed?
How does one start or end this journey?
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