I came across some pics of me, I was turning 16. Judging from the photos, back then my skin was still smooth. Like real smooth, and rosy, no Photo shop needed. Fuck, I had really nice skin.

Now, T zone's fucked up. Blackheads. Dry. Oily. All at the same fucking time. Veins. Roughness. Bumps. Where did all the smoothness go?

A mere 3 years did that to my skin. I shudder to think what it did inside.

I feel so fucking old and jaded.

***
I wonder why is it so hard for me to fall sick.

I mean, oh sure mental illness I have, but why can't I fall physically ill?

I'm talking bout fever, barfing, sweating, pain, physically feeling like you've been run over by a fucking truck.

WHY CAN'T YOU LET ME FALL SICK!!! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR!!!

I can't even remember when was the last time I had a fever, for God's sake.

I want a valid reason to actually lie in bed and go "Oh I'm dying I'm dying..."

A valid reason to stay in bed as long as I want, to shuffle my feet, to slouch, to not talk, to look like shit, to groan and sigh and grumble.

Selfish bitch.
***

Yesterday I think my mum was checking out my phone. Checking my messages. I walked in on her, and I didn't feel a thing. Nothing.

I think she suspects that I may be having boy problems wtf. And that's why I've been so moody lately.

Fuck man, I have been like this for so fucking long, for how many years, you notice this now?

Boy problems. Pffft. Please.