I Need Dark Chocolate

How I wish I could write like pinkpau. She just has this undeniable talent to write! Man, I envy her la. It's like the world's her oyster, but she does experience bouts of sadness... I wonder why.

I wish I could just dive in my brothers' minds sometimes, and find out what they're thinking. To me, we don't seem like a happy family. I mean, we don't seem to be happy people. My impression of us is we're grumpy, whiny, querulous people. Or maybe it's just me. I know I can be really grumpy and have mood swings all the time. So, I wanna dive into their thoughts and see if they're really unhappy as I am. If they are, why? Is it our problem? We're just dysfunctional like that? I think I'm trying to justify my own moodiness here. Playing the 'dysfunctional family' card. Am I sad or what.

Man, sometimes I just feel I have this wild child inside me just waiting to burst out. I wanna dye my hair bright red, put on some rock chick attire and paint the fucking town red. Wanna do whatever I want, and don't care about what other people think. Be an ECCENTRIC. Sometimes, I hate the fact that I really care about other's opinion about me. It's kinda hard to be happy with myself this way. If I intend to release my inner wild child, I really should do it during my teenage years, cos there won't be any chance to do it when I'm all grown up and working. Except for maybe in the future I work in the media industry or art industry. Sigh, but the future is unpredictable.

How and when will I feel at peace with myself? How and when can I achieve equilibrium? Am I gonna live forever like this? I don't know how long I'll last...

Vignettes

I'm like, so defected in writing already.. wtf was that even grammatically correct? I lost my already quite non-existant ability to write. I found out about this through a couple of essay writing exercises I had to endure during my time here. T_T...

I feel like blogging but I have nothing to blog about lar.. why am I so boring.

I wanna go shopping.

I suppose I can write about my feelings.. A-effing-GAIN.

Oh, or.. I suppose I can talk about the few pairs of earrings I bought yesterday... Ahhh.. nothing like the therapy of shopping.. particularly of buying superficial stuff.

OR.. I can elaborate on the neverending supply of homework I have yet to finish. Or perpetual tests. Whichever you prefer. How about another dose of super-mega-'fan' assignments? Not enough? Have another taste of nerve-wrecking presentations.

I'm so choppy nowadays right? Why is that so?