Monday, August 30, 2010

Fuck yes I'm still young. I still have not slept. I've essentially pulled an all-nighter!

Wtf I'm saying it as if that's really a good thing.

But still,

I procrastinated, a lot. Got distracted, a lot. Asked myself "What the fuck are you doingggg???", a lot. And finally paid the price by having to pull an all-nighter.

Those are the signs that you're still young, no?
It's been way long since the last time I've stayed up past 3am.

I sleep surprisingly early here (well, surprising to my mum that is), mainly because it is so fucking boring here. I don't know why, but it became so easy to slip into my nocturnal routine when I was back at home. Maybe it was the stress, maybe it was the insomnia, maybe it was the amount of stuff to keep me occupied till the wee hours of morning.

But don't I have things to keep me occupied here too? Well, I have the Internet of course. But I already face it most of the day so more Internet till the wee hours is just not appealing.

So I sleep.

I don't wanna talk about the assignment that's keeping me up. Just because.

I just wanna be transported back to that night when my whole neighbourhood had a power failure, and there was nothing left but the silver moonlight. I went to sit on the balcony outside my room, just basking in the beauty of it all, and awed at the simple things that we take for granted. Breeze, calm, purity, basics. I never noticed the serenity that could come from a power failure, having the word failure in it yet having me believe in something quite the opposite.

I wish I had more nights like those.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

For the life of me I don't know why my right hand is slightly swollen.

Has it finally happened?

Am I playing too much Freecell that my body has protested?

Is this my body's way of telling to fucking finish my assignment already and get off my ass to do something else other than face the goddamn laptop?

Oh swollen right hand, what is it... just tell me...
It's no wonder that the mind wanders especially when it's supposed to be doing something else. This moment, I'm mourning for the loss of a beloved story book.

It was the Little Mermaid. You see, my house has all these story books that I've read as a child. Cinderella, Little Mermaid, Princess and the Pea, Rumpelstiltskin etc. And I still flip over them sometimes after all these years, cos the illustrations are fucking gorgeous. When I say fucking gorgeous, I mean FUCKING GORGEOUS.

Sigh. And I think I did the mistake of lending some of them to my friend last time. Well, she's my best friend and all but truth is she can be kinda careless/forgetful sometimes. I think the Little Mermaid was one of them, but neither she nor I can remember. But I've searched the possible places for the book to be, and I couldn't find it, so it's highly possible that I did lend it to her.

Needless to say, by the time I remembered that I lent her those books, she had already forgotten about them. So I asked her to search for them, and I got Cinderella back. Wait did I get Princess and the Pea back? Ah fuck it my memory's as lousy as hers wtf.

At the end of the day, my Little Mermaid is still nowhere to be found. :(

And the thing is, she didn't get how attached I am to these books. Fuck, I grew up reading these books. And I'm especially attached to Little Mermaid cos it's one of the books with the MOST awesomEST illustrations EVER. And cos the story is so saddd. T__________T My heart aches for my beloved childhood book.

When I asked her to look for it again cos it's sentimental and all she thought I was joking I guess, cos she dismissed me jokingly :((((. How sad. I can be such a pushover. That dismissal pretty much meant she's not gonna search for it. :((((

I reminded her quite a few times before that to find those books, and mind you when Cinderella was found, I was actually the one to find it in her house sigh. Which just goes to show how much effort she actually put in her search.

I'm not resenting her or anything. It's just, gosh she can be so scatterbrained sometimes. And how can I mention the books to her again, after so long, without sounding like a douche? Does this mean that I'll never see my Little Mermaid ever again?

Is it a bad thing to be attached to stuff? Cos things get lost. And I don't think I'll ever get to see the book again. :(

I just made myself sadder :((((((((

Friday, August 27, 2010

I don't get what's with these House of Lords people or whatever and their inability to communicate in simple, understandable English. Why must they talk in pretentious douchbaggery language? Wtf use simple English la can or not!!!

Thursday, August 26, 2010

I need me some Starbucks, dim lighting, soothing music and some paper and pencil.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

If I ever get a sleeve, and that's a really huge IF, Imma get mine done by Hannah Aitchison. No fucking doubt about it. I'll fly to the freakin US of A just for her.

I used to not really fancy sleeves cos I just didn't see the appeal of it. It was a bit too much, I thought. But I think it was after seeing the mermaid sleeve Hannah did that my perception changed.

It was totally amazing. A-MAZING. Right there and then, my mind was blown. I watched that last year and till now I still remember it for its sheer awesomeness. Like, holy shit those light effects on the dolphins?? What the fuck man what the fuck??

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

The S Word

I don't know why I find it exceptionally hard to communicate with my parents. They just make me feel stressed out, man.

And I think it's even worse when it's through SMS or online, cos I have to be extra careful with how I construct my sentences and all so that my tone won't be misconstrued as being rude or disrespectful, or annoyed. So I choose to make it as short as possible, to avoid any misunderstandings. But then again being so concise may be interpreted as another form of rudeness as well, as in 'I don't want to talk to you'. Which is actually partly true, cos I feel stressed out like that when I talk to them. Another reason would be I don't have anything to say to them.


So damn stressful. It's like something constricting my heart. Just this gnawing, sinking feeling.

I think I've been too obedient for too long that even speaking my mind is really hard to do now.


Been kinda restless lately and I haven't had my period. Fuck this shit.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Sometimes, I really wanna provide words of wisdom and comfort, but find that I'm tongue-tied.

So I think I'd just let others do the talking.

And let you know that you're always loved :)

Sunday, August 08, 2010


So I was bored as usual, having my books in front of me as usual, and laptop too. Obviously laptop trumped books.

Anyway. Something to do when you have no idea what to surf for anymore. Just Google names of your family or friends. I have a lame, sad life I know. You don't have to remind me.

Long story short, I just found out that my dad has a Twitter account. Well, actually there's nothing really surprising about that cos I've known for some time that he has a blogspot and all. He's like an ancient mofo lurking on the precipice of Internet savvy-ness. But I digress.

He doesn't really blog, he just posts articles and whatnot's from other sites. About this interest of him. Nay, passion. Almost life-long freaking passion. (for the record, it's not anything dirty ok)

The thing is, he's been shoving this passion of his down the whole family's faces for as long as I can remember. And ageing and all only makes him more relentless in the shoving, what with old people gaining superpowers in nagging to compensate for their well, ageing and stuff. Not unlike when one of your senses bails on you and your other senses are enhanced. But I digress again.

And it's nothing bad. As a matter of fact if you're badass good at it you could be making shit loads of money.

It's just that... ok let's put it this way.

I fucking like cake. I mean, I can go batshit crazy over cake. Preferably dark chocolate and oozes dark chocolate from its belly right down to my belly.

But even with my undying love for cake, if you keep shoving it down my throat day by day, week by week, year by year, of course I'll be disgusted of it. I wouldn't even bear the sight of a piece of cake, no matter how delicious it looked, how much good it would do to me.

And that has been the case for this passion of his with me. Over the years, I have just gotten so sick of it that I wouldn't wanna get anywhere near it.

A similar thing happened to my brother I guess. My dad, has countless of times mentioned that he wanted to pursue beach surfing* when he was young but didn't have the opportunity, resources to do so. And when I say countless of times, oh fuck I mean wayyy above the normal threshold of old nagging people.

And my brother was interested in beach surfing too, he told me last time. So why didn't he do that, I asked.

"Well you know..." he looks at Dad, and proceeds to launch into the oh-so-familiar repetitive drone that we use when we imitate our parents. "beachsurfingbeachsurfingbeachsurfingbeachsurfing"

So yeah basically you can drone the interest outta people, or the disgust into them.

I guess the moral of the story here is, don't excessively impose your own interests and hopes onto people.

Especially when you're a parent.

And you have nagging superpowers that expedites with age.

*profession has been changed to protect the identities of parties involved. The real profession is of course not as cool as beach surfing.
Man, this corporate financial reporting subject is so damn douchey.

Dahlah the lecturer douchey enough, tutorial solutions don't wanna post somemore.

DAHLAH discussion questions don't post solutions that I understand la kan, the fucking financial statements also don't wanna post. How much douchier can you get???


Friday, August 06, 2010


I think it's sad that I don't have anything smart, or substantial, to say here.

It's sad that I am in a university, a place of knowledge and ambition, but still I feel my brain decay and wither and shut down.

Isn't that the life of a university student, he said when I was presenting the litany of stuff to do to him... and I asked how does he remind himself why he's doing his course.

What I got was resignation. Is that what most of us must go through to get by? Through eventual resignation?

It's utterly pathetic that I'm supposedly in a place of knowledge, yet I don't feel like I'm actually learning anything.

I have nothing poetic to say here.

Have we all succumbed to learned helplessness that we just don't bother anymore.

Thursday, August 05, 2010


Man I miss minced pork. Salty, spicy goodness. I miss those that my bro put in his Ma Po Tofu.

Mmm... been craving for some good minced pork for awhile now. I guess I can try cooking it myself but goddamnit for me convenience trumps savoury goodness almost everytime sigh. And if I cook it myself there's no guarantee of it being savoury at all sigh.

Sunday, August 01, 2010


I tell myself, only 4 more months to go... nay, technically it's 3 months plus. Just 3 months plus, c'mon that'll pass by in a jiffy, right?

It will it will it will it will...

Home. Yeah the notion of being home sounds kinda good right now. No need to think about what to have for dinner, no textbooks, no homework.

That's how stuff goes. Home sounds comforting but the last time I was there, it wasn't exactly a picnic.

So here I'll be counting down the days till Home, and when I finally get home things won't exactly be peachy either.

But right now, just right now. Home sounds fine.