Wednesday, October 29, 2008

An Update la duh

Strangely enough, stress levels have not been through the roof even though there's only a few days left. It's weird. Could it be that I've achieved some sort of nirvanic (no such word wtf) state wtf. Must be partly due to the fact that I know that I'll never live up to my forecast results wtf. Let's take a look shall we.

Acc - B16 ... Erm this may be feasible if mistakes are few and report is decent (which is pretty unlikely)

Econ - A17 ... Hahahaha I'm sure glad that mah Econ lecturer won't be marking my paper cos judging by past year papers I'll be lucky if I even manage to attain a B16 wtf.

ESL - A18 ... Based on past experiences, my ability to synthesize is still that of a 'weaker student' and it's at the state of 'tak boleh diselamatkan' already so I'm not even gonna attempt to salvage it wtf. So it'll depend on pure luck and astute hearing for listening wtf.

Maths - A20 .. HAHAHA. HA. HA. Bound to have mistakes. Very very low possibility.

Spec - A19 .. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? I would barely make it to a A17 sumore you expect me to get 20 wtf? WHO PAID YOU TO MOCK PEOPLE LIKE THIS WTF.

Can these people be more realistic wtf. Tsk tsk tsk...

Having said that, I think we're having it way better than those studying Sciences. The only subjects that really require reading are Econ and Acc. Lucky kan? Kan? Kan?

So anyway, level of absorbency have been low, it takes like dunno how many hours to read ten over pages. Wtf kan. Can stay at the same line for dunno how long wtf. Nevertheless plod on people, plod on.

On a pretty unrelated note (as usual), my roommate and I seem to have reached a whole new level of strangeness (for the lack of a better term) any pair of roommates could ever reach. What I mean is, yeah we stay in the same unit, sleep in the same room but it's almost as if we're strangers, y'know? We rarely talk. She'll be doing her thang, and me mine. Leading our own separate lives. Is this a whole new level or what... maybe it's me and my psycho analyzing again but I wonder if she feels the same way. Or maybe it's just me who's naturally awkward :P (A friend used that phrase to describe her friend once and I think it suits me too wtf).

Oh yeah and this question has been bugging me for a pretty long time, "Should I or should I not get a tattoo???" WTF HAISH. Malaria do you remember when I asked you bout tats wtf... well yeah I'm STIL thinking bout it wtf.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

4 AM Insanity Streak

I sure as hell hope that time can be fast forwarded now. Or my brain can hibernate til exam time. Even a mere 2 weeks seem SO FUCKING LONG. Mahai. WHEN'S IT GONNA END. END END END. WHY'S IT TAKING SO LONG.

Pre exam period is the worst, ESPECIALLY when you're staying with a bunch of fucking rajin people. You ask yourself, Am I doing enough? The answer is FUCK NO. It's NEVER fucking enough when you're co-existing with a bunch of fucking rajin peeps. Heck, what you're doing seems practically useless and insignificant compared to what others may be doing at the same time. What you did, others have already done and they've done more. You ask yourself, Why can other people do and accomplish more during the same time span? How the fuck does one manage to be at it day in day out for fucking 24 hours? Gawd are they not human.

One thing I've learned alright, staying with fucking rajin people sucks. Major. Shit I feel like going on a murderous rampage. Or digging my heart out from its crevices and closely examine why the fuck does it feel like it's clawing its way out of my chest. Fuck. Either stay in or out. Why are you acting up. I need to punch someone or something and SCREAM SCREAM SCREAM.

Monday, October 20, 2008

The feeling of typing gives me kicks. You?

Unfortunately there's nothing to type about hence i don't get to type as much as I'd like.

On a totally unrelated note, man I'm so addicted to Jimmy Eat World's Stay on My Side Tonight.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Where's Strength When I Need It

This post is a constructed as a reminder for myself. (eh ceh why sound so formal wtf)

I shall NOT lose my sanity. I shall not lose my sanity I shall not lose my sanity I shall not lose my sanity I shall not lose my sanity I shall not lose my sanity I shall not lose my sanity I shall not lose my sanity I shall not lose my sanity I shall not lose my sanity I shall not lose my sanity I shall not lose my sanity I shall not lose my sanity I shall not lose my sanity I shall not lose my sanity


I shall be grateful for all the things that I have.

Am pretty much mentally and emotionally drained, and impaired wtf.

Honestly a part of me just wanna fuck it and leave it to fate and luck, but of course I'm not supposed to do that.



Chug on.

For a few more weeks. I SHALL NOT LOSE MY SANITY BY THEN.

Oh ya, I know it's pathetic but I still wanna display it wtf... that I have ONE follower! Hehe another person except myself reads this shit? So what it's only ONE? WTF rambling here wtf.

Sunday, October 05, 2008

Back From the Dead wtf

Damn. It's been over a month since I last blogged. How sad is that?

Well, only two words are required to describe mah one week holiday. And they are : EXTREME LAZINESS.

Heck, even the thought of getting my laptop out of the bag and switching it on TIRES me. How much lower can one sink? And that explains my absence from the vast world of the in-ter-net. (Say it like how Lucy Liu did in Charlie's Angels WTF nevermind)

So, it has mostly been a lot of staying up till morning, sleeping til afternoon wtf. I'm the epitome of fucked up biological clocks alright.

From here on it's gonna be a documentation of unorganized thoughts. (Ha. Ha. Since when was it organized wtf)

I miss Jay's blog. : (.... the beloved isorule.blogspot that I once frequented a long time ago. Now it's a private blog HAIH. He went on an indefinite hiatus and one day I discovered it became private. Does that mean he's blogging again?? SIGH I'll never know. Heck it was funny, interesting and so GAY. Lol. The little snippets into the life of a gay Malaysian Chinese guy now living in London with his boyfriend, M (if I remember correctly) (I hope they're still together haha). And his family had no idea of his sexual orientation, so he was always afraid that they would find out. HAIH I so miss it. I think I read through his entire archives... all the pornography stuff, the art stuff, the narcissistic stuff. DAMNIT I MISS IT T_T.

I sure as hell hope that one day, oh one day... I'll finally read that Mr Malaria has decided to kick Accounting's ass and go screw something that he likes instead. Donch brainwash yourself please. Oh c'mon do it for mankind lah please. (Pretty please? *pouts*)

It's Sunday already. Meaning, back to that place. Back to that college. SIGH and having to go through all the stressful, meaningless crap again. Gawd help me. You know what that day I even dreamt that I got back mah Econ trial paper and fuck it wasn't pretty. Stupid dream. Why all my dreams also stupid one wtf.

I hate having to go back. I hate having to go back. I hate having to go back. I hate having to go back. I hate having to go back. I hate having to go back. I hate having to go back. I hate having to go back. I hate having to go back. I hate having to go back. I hate having to go back. I hate having to go back.

I hate having to go back. Gee can you tell? WTF.

So... back to living like a zombie again. Don't think that there'll be any updates anytime soon. There's nothing worth updating anyway.

Beach Session

She sat listening, to the rhythm of waves splashing against the shore. Her eyes were transfixed to the horizon, the darkness that saw no end.

A tap on her shoulder. "Hey... thanks for comin." She needn't look, who else could it be?

"What, how could you know that I wasn't some psychopath with an axe?" He exclaimed.

"Well then I'd be dead by now, wouldn't I? So it wouldn't matter anyway." She rolled her eyes at him.

"Sheesh. You're the one who called me here." Feigning indignation, he sat down beside her.

She smiled. "Heh. Yeah... I guess... I needed someone to talk to." The words came out slowly, while her eyes wandered back to the ocean again.

For a few minutes, there they sat. Inhaling, exhaling.

"Er... miss? Your idea of talking is you looking at the ocean while I'm here trying hard to decipher your telepathic messages?"

"Oh all right, I just wanted some company that's all." She snapped.

He chuckled. "I know... I know..." saying it with a tone meant to pacify a dog. Of course he knew, God knows how many times he has been 'dragged' to one of these late night sessions with her. So of course he knew perfectly well.

Her finger started to trail a line along the white sand. She exhaled loudly. "Y' know, sometimes there's just so much stuff going through my mind, sometimes there's nothing. You ever get that?" Her eyes looked into his questioningly.

"Mostly, it's the latter." He said it matter-of-factly, and smiled.

Ignoring that, she continued. "So many questions that I know have no answers, cos they're stupid questions. With no answers! Like what does it meeean when people say some crap like, live life? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

Oh dear. She's getting into one of her animated heated debate pose again. He thought to himself and laughed.

"For fuck's sake, what're you laughing at?" Her eyebrows were crossed. Then she came into realization, "I started to look like a cartoon again huh." -_-. Bravely, he denied it, "Nooope. Nuh-uh. Not. At. All."

More eye rolling from her. She wrapped her arms around her knees to prevent more over enthusiastic movements.

"Every single day, without fail, it's dragging oneself out of bed, going for classes, back home, sleep and repeating the cycle... Man, even zombies have better lives, at least they eat people or something... Even I know I need to get a life, but fuck! I don't even know what "life" is..." She paused for breath. " And later. Later! It'll be dragging oneself off bed, going to work, go home, sleep and repeat. FUCK. That's just fucked up, man, y'know what I mean."

He listened and nodded thoughtfully. "I hear ya, woman." He held his right hand out and showed off his L I F E tattoo on his knuckle. "You wanna know what "life" means? You wanna know it means huh? Well I'll tell ya what it means!"

He crunched his hand into a fist and started, "Life. Is in your hands." He looked at his fist. "Uh.." He closed his left hand on his fist. "See? Your life is in your hands. It's whatever you make of it. What it means is totally up to you, how you mold (uttering the word passionately and deliberately) it. Fuck, it doesn't have a specific meaning, a specific definition! Go to, type in "life" and what do you find? A whole bunch of crap, that's what!"

He looked like a deranged maniac delivering that speech and she couldn't help but laugh out loud. "Jesus. That was.... kinda... corny! Heck the corniest shit that ever came out of your mouth!" They both burst into fits of laughter and collapsed onto the soft, fluffy sand.

"Oh God..." Laying down on the sand and catching her breath, she said, "Then fuck knows what my life means. Worries, responsibilities, being a bore I guess. Sheesh. What bout yours?"

"Mine? I try not to dwell on it. Maybe it's not worth knowing, heh."

"I guess we'll never know the answers... see? Questions with no answers! Shit, we're back to square one..."

They stared at the stars and settled into a long silence.

"Hey, mind if I bombard you with another unanswerable question?"

"Briiing it on, lady! Maybe I have another tattoo to help mah point."

"Fuck! Your knuckle tat didn't prove shit!" She laughed.
"So anyway. Another thing I don't get is when people say they're "searching" for themselves." I sure as hell wanna know how to do that cos I have no idea who or what am I either, so how does one do that ol' wise one?"

"Ah... I think my butt tat can explain on that. Wait a sec." He motioned to unbuckle his belt.

"What? Since when you had your ass permanently scarred?"

He giggled. That old monkey giggle that made him look like a 5 year old. She thumped his arm, "I knew it! Sheesh. Now answer me using your mouth, not your ass. Dumbass."

"Truth is... you can call me dumbass all you want and I still can't answer cos I have no fucking idea too." He finished it in a breath and resigned to his unanswerable fate.

They sighed together. "Well at least we can be clueless together." She finally said. "Yeah..." he agreed. "Something tells me, we're not the only clueless fools."