Thursday, November 30, 2006

Whatever II

Two more days of exam to go!! Woot!!! After what seemed like forever....

Physics and Chem were well, hell. And I thought my Chem sure A already. Pfffttttt... yeaaaahh rite. I'm totally hopeless without exam tips. Not tips, but soalan yang dibocor-bocorkan until dunno how. Trial was like that. No wonder I got 90+ for Chem. And people think I'm so smart. Nyahahahahahaha..... Today my friend was also murdered in the exam and she asked if I knew how to do, since I blatantly said 'No' she was kinda relieved cos if I also dunno how to do, then it's OK. Noooooo.... I'm not that geng AT ALL..... sorry la if I gave you false hopes. Futher shows that I'm just not into Science. I'm just a dumbass who once thought that she actually liked it. That was Form 3 la.. but who didn't like Science when it was just ONE subject right? Right??

Yes, I know I'm whiny and boring and dull, but my family is made up of whiners, so just cut me some slack here k? Again, I think it's the house's feng shui.

Crappy mood. Probably PMS. Noooo.... so soon?

Tuesday, November 28, 2006


wham bham kapow my ass. This exam seems to be going on foreverrrrr....

but the worst is yet to come, tomorrow is Physics, all freaking 3 papers. These few days are gonna be uber tiring.

No chance to blog cos either too tired or the coast wasn't clear.

Must hang in there. 4 more subjects only!!!! 10 more papers only!!!! 4 more exam days only!!! woot!

Friday, November 17, 2006

Exam Day 2 & 3

Prinsip Perakaunan was okay, I guess. If no major mistake, hopefully can get A1 lor.

I was more nervous yesterday than the day before, cos you know, I've never actually sat for an Accounts exam before. My being a Science student and all. I thought I was jittery, but heck my friends were sweating profusely, they said.

So, like that lor. Nothing much to say.

p/s: I wish I can think of more interesting titles...

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Exam Day 1

Countdown: 11 more days of exam to go.

Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.

So here's the thing. I'm a risk taker during essay papers. Well, actually the truth is there was one obvious choice, but I couldn't think of sufficient points, so... I chose the appalling-nobody-should-write question (or so they say). It was quite natural for me to do that, because I always choose stupid questions like these. Risk taker, you see. (yeahhh rite) Sometimes it reaps good results, sometimes it doesn't. Therein lies the risk.

Now, the nagging question of whether I went off topic. It's reaaaaally easy to do that, I think. Therein lies the stupidity of choosing that question. Therefore, I'll appear as a genius or one heck of a dumbass to the examiner's eye. Let's hope it's the former. Let's pray that the risk pays off. *cross fingers cross fingers cross fingers*

Oh dear God, if You exist, I hope that You make my examiner's mood very very very good on the day he/she marks my essay. That's all I ask for. Pleaseeeee... pretty pleaseeeee...

The thing is, it didn't seem that big a risk during examination. But in retrospect, I could have flew off topic on a freaking rocket. Sigh. Must be optimistic ehhhhhhh.... damn those people who "put my lang sui"

What happened to the I-don't-care attitude you ask, well as much as I don't wanna care I still don't wanna fail ma... the kiasu attitude still resides within me, because I'm a typical Chinese hehe. Cos if really steered off topic, then surely cannot get high marks or even worse *gasp* FAIL!

Let's pray again, that the examiner sees the genuineness of my writing, appreciates the conversational prose, is grateful for the change of topic and gives me an A+ on first impression. (macam my essay very superior liddat)

But still, I don't wanna get my hopes too high.

Oh God, help me pleaseeeee...

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Pre Exam Insanity (PEI)


It's one/uno/1/yi/yat/satu day before exam!!

I'm soooooooo excited! Not. But yes, I am! Not. Actually, I'm not quite sure how I'm feeling right now.

I don't think I've done enough, I don't think I'm fully armoured for battle....

But heck, just bring it on!

After the first paper, it will wham! bam! kapow! done! Exam's over!!! Let's celebrate!

Nyahahaahaahahahaahahahahahahaaha.... or at least that's what I expect.

Let's see, hmm.. no, I'm not fully prepared for Prinsip Perakaunan or BM or Chemistry or Biology or Sejafuckingrah......

Wtf? What am I prepared for anyway?!!

Whatever la. To see if I really deserve an A1, it shouldn't be cos of last minute, midnight oil burning, eleventh hour studying right? Right? That means, I've gotta abstain from all reference books and text books during exam period to see what I'm really made of.

Nyahahahahahaahahahahahhaha... I think I'm going crazy. Completely cuckoo.

p/s: This is a stupid post. IF sometime in the future I chance upon this post, and my results turn out crappy, I'll surely be filled with regrets. Cos I'll find out that I was wasting time being loony and blogging. And I wasn't armed with any knowledge AT ALL.

But still, my oh-so-beloved-future-self, you're the most gorgeous being ever born on this Earth. Your responsibility is to save the universe from all of its ugliness and impurities. Yes, rock on, baby.

OMG I AM crazy.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Trying to be Poetic

Frustration consuming every freaking fibre of my being.....
I cannot take this any longer....
End it for me....
I think I'm going crazy....
Every single day my head feels so empty yet so heavy....
Like its concentrated but when I dig in nothing's there....
Just wanna scream my lungs out....
Everything's heavy, my heart, my breathing.....
I can't go on any longer....
Just. End it for me...

Can this actually qualify as a poem? Cos you know, poems don't actually have a format (or do they?) and you can string a few words together and voila! You're a poet!

Yadda yadda yadda.....yak yak yak... (softer and softer)

Whatever. Nobody listens anyway.

Yesterday, or rather this morning, I left out my fifth random thought.

In my opinion, my family is somewhat dysfunctional. In this house where everybody's grumpy all the time, where no one actually show that they care, I cant help but feel the abnormality in this otherwise "normal" family. Somehow, I feel that we're a bunch of misfits. Or maybe it's just me. And this... this house, perhaps the feng shui's not good or sth like that, everytime I step into this house, my mood turns bad. Almost instantly. Even before I put my foot into it. It's like,
at school: good mood
in the car: good mood
reaching the house: good mood
reached house, still in the car: good mood
in front of house grill: instant change to @#@%#^$ mood, dark clouds hover above head

I've no idea why this happens. Probably caused by the gust of negative energy from my house. That's why everybody's so grumpy all the time. That's why it's so depressing in here. Or maybe it's just me.

Random Thoughts

I want to rant I want to rant I want to rant.

I've gotta get all these thoughts out of my system or else I just can't/wont concentrate.

Dear freaking bloggie,

I dislocated my patela or kneecap or sth today! Man, I really felt sth shifted and pain ensued. It was more painful when I bent my leg so I just sat there, not really knowing what to do. I thought of straightening it really fast, like in the movies where you go 'crick crack!' and the job's done. But then I'm a coward. I was scared that my legs would fly off or my tibia would pop out...

So there I was bloggie, feeling oh-so-helpless. Scenes of my taking SPM in the hospital appeared in my head. Damn knee, sth has always been wrong with my right knee, it was my creaking knee. Probably the result of squatting in the toilet. I was trying to stay calm, and brave, so I waited for my mother to come down to maybe bring me to her chiropractor.

In the midst of breaking down, I said to my bro,"sth dislocated!" Well he looked concerned for a while bloggie, but that bugger didn't believe me when he saw that I was holding on to my knee! What he said was,"tch, can dislocate one meh?" WTF? I'm like, asking for your help here and you dismiss me like that? And he went on with his business... man, NOBODY takes me seriously in this house...

Now I'm thinking, if only it were more obvious, like sth sticking out at a weird angle or ath like that, not only would it be cool, people would actually believe me. Frightening and traumatising, yes, but still COOL.....

OK OK.... so in the end I straightened my leg slowly and it just moved back in place. Really! I felt it move! Phew! Luckily no surgery was required!

Message of the story: I'm nothing but a speck of dust to my family.

I've been not wanting to care abt future SPM results but seeing how much my friends have been panicking, I sorta feel guilty for not caring... And my friends, they have plans of what to do after SPM, what to study and all that... but me? I feel like such a loser. Bleah.

Not to say I've given up but, I just want this whole ordeal to be over and done with. The freaking AGONYYYY! Actually I think the most torturous days are the few before the exam, where D-Day seems so close yet so far. There's the worries, there's the fumbling, there's the blanking out. And there's some sort of anticipation. For all this to be over. OMG AAAAAgony!!! ('A' must be said as if you're constipated)

And... and thatstupiduselesspatheticexcuseforasubject Sejarah! ARGHHHH Driving me up the wall!! Sejarah is a worm that bores through your brain sadistically, turning mine into more of a mush than it already is... It brainwashes you! fklskdf;lskd;flk;sldkf;slkd;fsk (mouth foaming) FUCK SEJARAH! SEJARAH ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY SUCKSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!! Anyone who likes Sejarah are asswipes. Period.

I wanna say, stop caring so much people! If my results sucked, I'm pretty sure my parents would be more kan cheong than me, thus affecting me too, cos I'm so darn easily affected by their opinions and moods. Arghhh frus betul! I'm surrounded by all these people who... who... CARE! (for the lack of a better term)

I so wanna press the fast forward button right now. If only things were that easy...

Message of rant: Sejarah sucks the life out of you. Probably devised as a torture tool.

I envy pinkpau. Fuiyoh, that girl can write leh! Her posts are capable of evoking strong emotions, unlike mine which has a total readership of one, including me. Jealousy, envy, admiration all moulded into a sphere, resides in me every time I read her pretty pinkish blog.

I asked myself one day,"How do you know who you are?" It was one of my 'questions of life' moments. I mean, are there boundaries? Who sets the guidelines of who you can be? How do you actually discover yourself? How does one soul search? What does the phrase 'be yourself' actually mean? Since you have no idea who you are. There's no theory or principle of what you should become, right? If I put on a facade to get through the day, to deal with difficult people, it's still ME right? It's what I do. That's part of ME. Nobody is really one dimensional, right? No statements in black and white restricting what one's personality should be exists. People evolve, change through time, do they ever have an inkling on who they really are? Whatever that means.

Sigh. I'm not very good at expressing myself, am I? I realise that when I gouge out my innermost thoughts, they come out incoherent and don't make much sense. But they sure made sense when they were in my mind...

This is hard, man. It's not like I'm gonna 'discover myself' in a courier parcel from Hawaii. Maybe I'm just too young? Haven't experienced enough asam garam in my life? Yeah, maybe. When is this identity crisis phase gonna end anyway?

*Heaves a big sighhhhh.* Cis, I sigh too much.

Note to self: I'm hoping that in years to come, I'll still be blogging and I'll look back at my archives. I'm hoping that I'll cackle like a hyena when I read this one. Especially the one on Sejarah. I'm hoping that I'll mumble,"and to think that I was bothered by petty issues like these... so silly... and SPM? cis, 'wet wet water'!" *cackle cackle cackle*

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Time Capsule

Note: This time capsule is to be opened after SPM results have been taken.

Dear me,
So your results have been known eh? If it's good, then great! Go to a strip club and celebrate or sth! However, if it sucks big time or is below your expectation, then don't fret, I'm here to cheer you up.

Why am I here to cheer you up? Well, since you'll be ostracised by your own family and looked down upon by your peers, I'm the only person you've got, man. Yeah I know, how pathetic.

Firstly, you know you're gorgeous right? Come on, good looks can bring you anywhere! Yeah baby! Who needs results anyway? Burn that result slip and go pamper yourself!

Ok ok... on a more serious note, getting bad results is not the end of the world. Deal with it with 'ping seong sam'. Like that 'ming ju' you know? "hui shou xiang lai xiao se chu, gui qu, ye wu feng yu ye wu qing" or "shi fei cheng bai zhuan tou kong, qing shan yi jiu zai, xi yang ji du hong" you know? You can really learn from those. Don't let some crappy results define your intelligence or mere existence. Move on with life.

You can also console yourself by thinking, you were once a straight As student, so your having shit results will be very kembang-fying for other students, you are actually doing a good deed! Your good karma will eventually find you a good, loving, loaded husband, so yeah, there's no need to worry about your future.

Whatever your results are, remember that you still rock in your own way, k? Come on, say it out loud:" YOU RAWWWWKKKKK!!!" With more conviction, baby! YOU FREAKING RAWWWKKKKK!!!! WOOOOHH!!! (do the wave!)

Don't care what other people think, you see no evil, hear no evil. You must disregard every sucky opinion about you and only absorb the good ones. Ok, that may sound a tad too narcissistic. But hey, you're the one with the emotional turmoil! Stay with me here!

Listen to me! Don't go crying over spilt milk! That's just plain stupid! No 'what if's, ok? Although... sometimes you may ask yourself, "what if I had flat rock hard abs?" But I digress. When your parents nag you, just mute them, enough is enough. History shows that listening actually makes things worse.

Hey, I'm doing this for your own mental health ok? So you. better. do. as. I. say.


Thursday, November 02, 2006

The Joys of Camwhoring

These couple of days at school have been spent camwhoring! Wohoo! I have finally discovered the camwhore in me! Am I considered a late bloomer? I didn't realise that taking pics would be so fun, we did it for hours! This whole week was practically wasted....