Saturday, December 31, 2011
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Monday, October 24, 2011
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Personal reinvention. Does that sound like something only someone older would partake in? What about the younger generation? Is it possible for us to go on a journey of personal reinvention too?
I imagine that when people think of personal reinvention, it would entail someone who has been in a rut for years, decades even. Someone burnt out and going through the motions day by day, suddenly deciding, “Fuck this shit I’m dealing with this once and for all”.
This would basically mean youngsters would not be qualified for a personal revamp because why would someone so young need to reinvent themselves anyway? Aren’t they IN the process of inventing themselves?
People tend to forget about how they were like when they were younger, about how being on the cusp of adulthood could suck so much. Memories of drowning in the sea of all the uncertainties, the worries the anxiety fade away as the years go by. Many suppress the memory of going through depression at that point in their life.
Truth is when you’re in your twenties, you’ve had enough time to develop some sort of personality and attitude, making you somewhat set in your own ways; yet your inexperience and malleability leaves potential for change.
And that is when the personal reinvention could come in.
I, personally am looking forward to a personal reinvention by way of becoming someone… lighter. Less bogged down by my own thoughts, less self conscious, and more importantly, less subservient. I have been spoon fed and obedient for the majority of my life, and it is really time for a change.
I may be over generalizing here, but I think this is mainly a problem spawning from the Asian culture. Since young, Asian children have been taught to obey and not to question. Obeying meant respect, and respect ranked high in the Asian household curriculum.
On top of that, voicing out in my house would almost always lead to a confrontational climate in my house, thus keeping quiet was pretty much my viable option to stay sane. Years have gone by till I finally realized how much I actually owe myself in thinking for myself and growing on my own.
To be honest I do not have an exact plan on how to go on this journey. All I know is that it is long overdue and it is a learning process. I just hope that I can slowly wean off the overbearing, overprotective hands of my parents and make it on my own, for real this time.
There will be no guidelines or tips here, because at the end of the day aren’t we all just learners? There is no set formula, no definite answer, just us trying our best to make the sense of things.
The romantic notion would see me packing my bags and jetting off to Europe for a self-discovering trip, and maybe I will.
We’ll see where things go.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Saturday, September 03, 2011
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Sunday, August 07, 2011
Saturday, August 06, 2011
Monday, August 01, 2011
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
I resolve to start eating right after exams!!!! Stupid ridiculous exams stretched out for so goddamn long...
Thursday, June 16, 2011
And (for me at least) a Korean drama will be judged based on how hot the actors are wtf. Cos let's be honest here, that's the reason a lot of people watch them. Apart from the cinderella stories. The superficiality is one of the main attractions. Therefore I shall also remain superficial in my judgment wtf. If let's say the main actor is like not totally tear-inducingly hot, I'll be like eh please lah cannot find a hotter actor? My apologies to only slightly attractive actors. But the thing is, some actors are not hot at first sight, and their hotness requires time to shine through. BUT the plus side is, many dramas you won't be able to stop watching at the first episode so you'll be noticing their hotness anyway and your rating of the show will start increasing wtf. Ergo, all's good anyway wtf.
Wow, that was a pointless paragraph. I don't actually know where I'm going with all these.
Anyway, I guess the predictability of Korean drama plots are already notorious enough, so I don't have to go on about the love triangles, rombuses or octagons, the damsels in distress, the rich guy/poor girl scenarios, the cancers, the slow deaths, the silent suffering, the hiding the truths in order to preserve _______ , the endless tears and so on and so forth. Whoops.
Friday, June 10, 2011
There's always this inexplicable emptiness after a paper, like you haven't really achieved anything. Chuck it out, next one to go. Sigh.
3 hour papers won't actually exhaust you till you're done.
One of the most insulting thing a person once said about studying accounting is that you can just have like one spreadsheet at the beginning and you're set for the whole course cos everything's pretty much the same. WTF. What fuckery is this. Truth is there's so much stuff to cover that I'd have to mind delete everything from today's paper to make space for the next's wtf.
Monday, May 30, 2011
I guess some days the pointlessness of living hits hard... and today is one of those days?
Why the fuck do people subject themselves to these conditions. I'd prefer living in a tropical country over any seasonal country anytime wtf. London, maybe few weeks tops, then I'd get the heck outta there. New York, greatest city in the world, but if the weather starts sucking, I'd get the fuck outta there too to hide out and bask in the sun somewhere else. But of course people born in seasonal countries are used to these conditions I guess. Still, it sucks.
And the rain, oh the rain. When it rains over here, it can be the deepest parts of hell. The wind, the cold, the erratic patterns, one minute it can be just drizzling, the next it fucking pours like outta nowhere, and the next the sun comes out oooh rainbow... the fucking next it's all dark and gloomy again and the pavement's flooding wtf.
Fuck this shit man. It's not even officially winter yet.
Life is absurd. Deal with it. How does one deal with the absurdity of life?
Why can't people who don't wanna live just click a switch and drop dead wtf.
What is the point?
Things would be so much easier if I were really just a robot.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Sunday, May 01, 2011
Shit that I don't give two fucks about, I really don't give any fuck about. I'm not saying that finance and accounting and stuff aren't important, they are, but just... let other people deal with it. It's just not for me.
What do you tell yourself when you know you went down the wrong path but you can't do anything about it.
Move the fuck along. Just, move the fuck along.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Saturday, April 16, 2011
You know how they say... life has endless possibilities? Well let's see, is it possible for me to teleport? Is it possible that I just quit all these crap right now, fly off to do something else AND wouldn't have to face the wrath of my family? Is it possible for me not to do any of my god forsaken assignments? Is it possible for me to snap out of depression once and for all? Is it possible for me to have naturally bigger boobs wtf? Is it possible for me to eat all the fucking cake I want, till I get fucking sick, AND not get fat without exercise wtf?
Endless possibilities my fucking ass.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
FUCK THIS SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
Monday, April 04, 2011
It's only been a month, and already several times I've found myself thinking, I can't do this anymore. I don't wanna do this anymore.
I don't know how much more of this I can take. Safe to say that sentence have appeared so many times here. After so goddamn long, I still haven't gotten any stronger and that sucks. That sucks big time. Worst of all, I don't know who to turn to because I hate people in general. And how to tell? What's there to tell? It's all so... abstract. When you wanna find the words, they can't come out because they don't exist wtf. Sometimes it doesn't even seem real, and you wonder what the fuck is wrong with you why can't you just suck it up grit your teeth and move the fuck on. Plus there's the whole not wanting to dump your burdens on other people thing, cos everyone has their own issues to deal with and nobody needs more crap.
My eyes are tired. I look fugly when I cry. I wonder when can I finally tell my mum, I'm unhappy, and have been so for a very long time. And I can't remember when it all started, or how or why. Or maybe it'll come out in a long overdue scream fest with me yelling, "This! This is what I've become! So next time you want me to be grateful for being born think about THIS!!" and pointing to myself with veins popping out, face reddening and tears gushing out. Pretty sight huh.
But what can I do other that to wait it out, to let it pass. I told my friend the same thing. And it sucks that there's nothing more you can do about it.
The URL should be changed to selfhatred instead wtf.
Another thing I don't remember. How I ended up choosing this course. I remember being so fed up of exams after SPM, I couldn't bear the thought of doing STPM. I remember being sick of science that I didn't wanna touch anything science-related anymore. Funny thing is I miss it, even if it's just a little bit. But why accounting? Probably cos other than engineering and medicine, law or accounting were the only viable options. Some stereotypes are so fucking true. I I thought I could do this, power through something I don't like, but it's getting tougher and tougher to get to the end.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
Is it wrong to just push things aside, push those goddamn feelings aside, to enable yourself to get through the days? GODDAMN FEELINGS. I HATE THE GODDAMN FEELINGS.
You see the people moving past, rushing about... and you're here, remaining stagnant.
I was fine, theoretically. But why do the littlest things manage to chip away at this facade to make me crumble again?
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
I find myself growing more and more apathetic by the day, more and more self-absorbed. We shouldn't look into the past, but I can see that things were not peachy from a long time ago. Even so, I feel that there's a glimmer of hope for me. I think this is the advantage of youth and slowly even this will slip away if I don't do anything about it. Being young provides idealism, naivete, hope and strength. You've lost all your zest, but I'd like to think that I still have some left, even just a little to keep me going.
Monday, March 21, 2011
"Just Listen for a moment, OK? Listen, this is the important bit. If you’d felt… I felt. I was looking down on this planet. <…> And I see the suffering. And the wars. And the grab, grab, grab. And I think: Fuck Money. Fuck it. This selling. This buying. This system. Fuck the bitching world and let’s be… beautiful. Beautiful. And happy. You see?”
it's awesome, but if I were to write something like that I'd sound douchey and pretentious? Is it me?
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Sunday, March 06, 2011
Monday, February 28, 2011
True, I have no measurable wisdom to impart. But if I could, I would want to impart a wee bit to my little niece.
I would tell her to be happy, and not get frustrated or cry over the smallest things. Relish in your childhood, cos god knows growing up will indeed suck balls and you'll have less chance to laugh with wild abandon. If I could, I would shake some sense into her, going "Why are you crying over this?? Stop wasting your time and energy with your manipulative tears!! LIVE your goddamn life before it begins to go downhill!!"
I don't know, I guess it pains me a little to see such a young thing getting frustrated and crying so easily when in truth she doesn't have to worry about a goddamn thing. Yet. When in the future she's gonna have so much (uncountable wtf) more opportunities and reasons to sob, bawl and choke over tears.
But of course, at the end of the day she's just a toddler. Of course she won't listen to reason or understand shit if anyone tries to talk sense into her like an adult. I think everyone just has to get that into their head, that way everyone will feel better. Her grandfather launches into his typical philosophical speeches trying to teach her as if that's gonna work.
I look at her and wonder what she'll be like when she grows up. Don't we all wonder? However she turns out, I just want her to be happy and not end up disillusioned, jaded or resentful. I wish her the best.