OMG Freaking Orgasmic!!!!!

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

ORGASMIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TOTALLY FREAKING ROCKIN'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MCR!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! I was screaming my freaking lungs out cos you guys totally brought Stadium Merdeka down!!!!!!!! You guys totally rocked yeah!!!!!!!! YEAH BABY!!!!!!!! FUCK YEAH YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST BAND OUT THERE!!! HAHAHAHAHA!! Totally agree with you Gerard!!!

And omg!!!!!!!! Frank WAS there!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!! I didn't actually realize that you know!!! I thought it was somebody that REALLY looked like him wtf... how much dumber can I get??!! And I didn't hear Gerard saying that only the drummer was replaced!! Why couldn't I have heard that, stupid??? OMG Frank was totally rockin' baby!!! Head banging kao2!! So damn YENG!!! I hope that your family problems (just found out about that) can be resolved soon baby... sigh...

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT WAS THE BEST EXPERIENCE OF MY WHOLE FREAKING LIFE!!!

Of all the freaking years that I have lived... I LIVED FOR THIS MOMENT! I LIVED FOR THIS CONCERT!!!

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!! I CANNOT STOP I'M ON A FREAKING HIGH!!!!!

I jumped and jumped till my stomach hurt! HAHA! What lousy stamina I had! I wanted so much to jump more! To SCREAAAAAAM more! To feng my head more! (But was afraid to feng too much sweat to people surrounding me and annoy them lol, but heck it was raining la so sweat or rain oso nobody knew lar HAHA) To fling my arms more! But it was sore after being up in the air for too long.. haha! By the way, for people who were in the Red Zone, yours truly was the one with cacat right hand cos only 2 pathetic fingers were painted with black nail polish HAHA and I had on my freaking cool punk rock bracelet. Really yeng and gangster-ish one. HAHA!

By the way being in the Red Zone totally RAWKED!!! Even though we weren't at the very front of the crowd, the closest ones to MCR (damnit), we could totally see them clearly!!! Save for some moments when we were blocked by those tall tall guys lor (Cis). And Red Zone people were totally into it bebeh!!!! Yeah bebeh!!!!
EXCEPT. For these 2 bitches that kept on smoking and puffing smoke deliberately to other people's faces. BITCHES. MUTHAF..... I thought one was a tranny but it was just a bitch that looked like one. Pffft. Tranny. Why live when you look like such a drag queen? Oh so that's why you're smoking la? WTF DO IT ELSEWHERE LA BITCHES COS THIS IS A FREAKING CONCERT AND THERE ARE PEOPLE WANTING TO RIP YOUR GUTS OUT RIGHT NOW AND I DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF YOU DIE OF LUNG CANCER AND ROT TO DEATH ON THE STREETS IN TRANNY SUITS. But don't cause other people to have lung cancer too with your stinking second hand smoke BECAUSE we wanna live to see another MCR concert. Ma Cibai. I wanted so much to beat the crap out of them but I figured I could be dragged out of the stadium so I didn't wtf. Why didn't anyone beat the crap out of them????

Gerard totally RAWWWWKKKKKED!!! I'm amazed that he could maintain his voice throughout the concert! I was already so freaking tired and couldn't scream as much as I wanted (haha), but he went on and on! Jumping on stage, screaming kao2 and all that! OMG HE WAS AWESOME!

Heehee! Mikey, Ray and the drummer totally rocked too!! Oh oh Ray did a guitar solo which was freaking awesome and cool!! Yeah baby!

Mikey said "hello" to us when Gerard asked him to say something! HAHAHAHAHA!

The drummer? Need I mention?? Although I didn't know who he was (malu aje), he was essential to the concert!!!! (refer to previous post haha)

OMG did you notice my hand Gerard?? You looked my way for a sec! HAHA!

Ok ok... here are the songs they performed that freaking AWESOME night, not according to the correct order (there were a few I didn't know ):
songs from The Black Parade!!! Except for "The End" and "Disenchanted" (yer... why didn't they play "Disenchanted"?? :( )
I'm Not Okay
Helena
Cemetery Drive
You Know What They Do to Guys Like Us in Prison
Desert Song (I know this cos Gerard introduced it HAHA. Haven't heard it prior to the concert, but it was GOOD!)
and some I couldn't recognise... hehe

Which makes it at least 16 songs!!!! We wanted more! We wanted more! We totally wanted more!!!

I am ashamed to admit that I didn't know the lyrics to all their songs.. boohoo... for me their lyrics are damn hard to memorise leh! Dunno if it's because of the length of their songs, my lousy memory or cos I can't really 'mendalami & menghayati' what they're singing about. Hehe, but still, I HAD A ROCKING GOOD TIME BABEY!!!!

I had so much fun (measured by how much jumping I did HAHA) at Teenagers (They say all... TEENAGERS *JUMP!!!!* HAHAHEEHEE!!!), I'm Not Okay (jump jump jump jump jump all the way!!!), Famous Last Words (omg this was totally ROCKIN' it deserves a paragraph by its own HAHA), and Cancer was DAMN AWESOME. No other words to describe it but AWESOME (must be in caps lock hor). Some more! When there was the first 'ding!' for "Welcome to the Black Parade", everybody went NUTS!!! It was all WHOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! HAHA damn it was AWESOME. Can't stress that enough.

OMG. Famous Last Words. It was totally INSPIRING and MOTIVATING and ENERGY-GIVING (HAHA wtf dunno how else to put it but you get my drift right?) When everybody went "I am not afraid to keep on living!!!! I am not afraid to walk this world alone!!!", I was jumping and flinging my arms and in my mind I was like "Hell YEAH!!!! I'm not afraid to keep on living!!! WOOHOO!!!!!" OMG damn climax (wtf not orgasm hor, buden you can liken it to that oso HAHA) you know???? As I said, my stomach was hurting when I jumped and my arms sore from my raising it for too long, but I mustered my strength to jump jump jump and fling fling fling! For MCR!!! It was for you guys!!!! And cos the song gave me the energy and drive to do it!!! HAHA! (Dramatic kao2 wtf)
It was apt to be the last song of the night, but HELL we totally wanted MOREEEE!! We were craving for more!!! We didn't want to leave argharghargh!!! Come back guys and do another song! Or mebe two! Or three! Or Four! Argharghargh!!!

Conclusion? Even though we were sweating, totally drenched in sweat and rain, tired from screaming and jumping and arms were sore.... we had a fucking AWESOME time!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!! OMG why did it end so fast??? (They started at a lil over 8pm and ended at 9 ++)

OMG PLEASE COME BACK FOR ANOTHER CONCERT MCR!!! BOB FASTER NURSE YOUR BROKEN WRIST!!! I WANT ANOTHER TIME OF MY LIFE!!!! I WANNA RELIVE IT AGAIN AND AGAIN!!!! OMG GIVE ME SOME MORE ORGASMS!!!! HAHAHAHA!!!

So Excited I've Peed In Mah Pants Muahahahaha

Can you just FEEEEEL the excitement?????!!!!!

Omigosh!!!! My Chemical Romance!!!! Gerard Way!!!! You're so hot when you sing with exaggerated expressions!!!! The way you contort your face... the way you open your mouth... love it! Har har, seriously leh.. not making fun of you. I do find you kinda HOT, you know.

Mikey Way!!!! You look like your brother, so you're HOT too. HAHAHA. And also cos you play the bass guitar, which is totally cool. (I just simply say say one, actually I don't really know a thing about music) What would MCR do without you. Totally.

And ooooh!!! Frank Iero!!!! That way you flung your hair in the music video for 'I Don't Love You'... can I hear HOT, people? It had me besotted! I simply had to watch it again and again!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA...

Too bad that you're not gonna be in the concert, Frank. Sigh, gonna miss your hair flinging. Damn when can I see you do that in person? Sigh.

YES BITCHES.

You heard me right. This biatch right here is going to the MCR concert today!!! Imma so excited!!! WOOT!

Don't envy me just cos I'm going... and you're NOT. Muahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

Ray Toro!!!! LOVE your hair. Hoho. And you play the guitar really well (There I go again).
Bob Bryar!!! You're the drummer!!! Which makes you so very essential to the band!!! I'd say the most defining moments in a song are during the climax drumming sessions. Like when all the while the song's playing, there's just the background drumming, something like dum-dum-dum, but when it comes to the chorus part or what, there would be a really cool utterly gut-busting (School of Rock, hehe) DUDUM-DUM! BIDIBAMBUGUBANGA-BANG!!! Some more! These moments would have people (read: retards like me) trying to imitate the sounds!!! HAHAHAHA!!!

HAHAHAHAHA!!! That sounded totally retarded! That's because I'm so freaking excited!!! (Excuse wtf. Actually it's due to my lousy writing skills. Muahahahaha...) But anyway you got my drift right???

Too bad you're not gonna be in the concert too, Bob. Heard you're nursing a wrist injury eh? Well nurse it FAST. And force the band to come back again for another concert just cos you missed it the first time. Muahahahahahaha.... And use the excuse of "because I wanna perform to the Malaysian audience *wet puppy eyes*"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Seriously. I've gone crazy. Cuckoo.

Please please pleaseeeeee don't let it be a letdown. But then, this is my first ever concert. Nothing to compare it to right? Therefore nothing to worry about!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

*I apologize for the multiple exclamation marks and question marks, that's how hyper I am at the moment. MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!*

About Moi Again (Now We're Talking)

After all the emo-ness just now, I shall proceed to the next thing I wanna blog about wtf.

Is there a saying that goes like this, "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger"?

I dunno what got me thinking about it. Could be my dad, cos if this taking-on-more-than-he-can-handle shit doesn't kill him, he'll become stronger see? Or so I hope. Either that, or it could be Kanye West's "Stronger".

Woot!

"Work it
Make it
Do it
Makes us
Harder Better Faster Stronger"

So anyway, it made me think... have I grown stronger? Am I a stronger person compared to the school girl that cried non stop in the school toilet countless times?

By the way, crying non stop is a sign of weakness to me. Totally.

Sigh. I'd like to think that I've become stronger since then... but who am I kidding? I basically feel like the same ol' same ol'. The same weakling that broke down God-knows-how-many-times. Depression could have killed me. It could have driven me to suicide or what. But it didn't. (Cos I had no guts to actually commit the act. Har har) And did the dark period make me stronger? Honestly I dunno... And I'm inclined to think 'No'.

Because I still break down once in awhile. I still have no inkling on how to deal with stress and pressure. I don't feel that I've gained wisdom or strength.

Why haven't I grown??? (T_T) All those tears I shed for nothing? wtf

And speaking about pressure, I have discovered something about myself. (One step closer to self discovery, woohoo. -_-)

Just a simple fact that, I DON'T WORK WELL UNDER PRESSURE.

Well it works the other way for some people. For some people, the more pressure they're in, the better they can work and the better the results they can achieve. Like when they can only work when it's nearing the deadline, and they'll still manage in time with wonderful results. (Gosh I envy/hate these people wtf)

But that's not the case with me. Nah-uhh. When under pressure, I procrastinate. Procrastinate like nobody's business wtf. Procrastinate as if I have alllll the freaking time in the world. When in reality I have everything except time.

I'm the champion procrastinator I tell you. Blogging is one of my procrastinating activities (PA), actually. And reading blogs have been a major, MAJOR PA. I blog hop, re-discover forgotten blogs, and read all the archives wtf. I swear, it's as if I have nothing else better to do. (But I do damnit!!!)

Or I Stumble. Yeap, Stumbling can be pretty time-consuming. Just cos of the fact that one can go on and on and on and on and never tire, as there are infinite interesting sites to stumble upon! (Long live the Internet!)

Or I watch tv. Once I start, I can't stop wtf. And the shows I watch are mostly on at night, so by the time I finish watching it's like 'eh, so late already ar. so what do I do now. I should finish my work. but feel like reading some blogs first.' HENCE THE VICIOUS CYCLE CONTINUES. -__-

Boohoo. Somebody stop me please. Procrastinating is like such a self-destructing behaviour. Yet one can't help surrendering oneself to it.

What is wrong with me??? *Hysterical*

I Simply Cannot Tahan

You know what, after over 50 years of living, one would think that the person would have control of their life already. But NOOOOOOOOOO...

See, it's my father. He's retired, but is currently "busier than when he was working", or so he says. He's totally into stock market and investment and all that (which I don't give a shit about), so he's sitting in front of his laptop everyday doing his thang. Even with that, he complains that he's "so busy, nobody can help me... sigh sigh sigh" (guess we know where the sighing genes come from huh) bla bla bla.
Basically he whines whines whines (same goes for the whining genes -_-), even though this is supposedly he's "only passion" or "only hobby". One thing I gotta say is, since it's your freaking passion why the hell do you whine so damn much? It's what you love to do right??? And stop complaining that nobody's there to help you lah, it's your business so please just manage it yourself ok. You're the one who wants to get involved in all these stuff. Don't drag me into it wtf.

So, since he's already complaining so much, and has his hands full already (is that correct?), one would expect that he wouldn't put more shit onto his plate right? Right?? But, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO... he gets himself involved in this trust fund thingy!!! And he has to sit for dunno what shit exam!!!

Thus, ensues the crap load of major whining and complaining and bitching: "I don't have time, you know!!! ... can go commit suicide edi!!!" 'I don't want to live my life' and similar shit like that (wa, seriously he kinda sounded like me wtf)
MOTHERF------... -____________-
WHO THE HELL FORCED YOU INTO THIS?!?!
YOU GOT YOURSELF INTO THIS SHIT AND NOW YOU'RE BITCHING ABOUT IT???
OMFG!!! I CANNOT TAHAN!!!
WHO ASKED YOU TO AGREE TO THIS SHIT IN THE FIRST PLACE???
STOP UNLEASHING YOUR BITCHING POWER ON US!!!

Seriously!!! (I know I'm damn emo right now) You've bitten off more than you can chew. And whose fault is that? YOUR OWN!!!
As if you weren't aware that you were already occupied enough (cos you're constantly reminding US about it), as if you weren't aware that you would have too much to handle.
I don't know, aren't you capable of controlling your life already?? After over 50 freaking years of surviving in this world?
You've willingly submitted yourself to more misery and stress!!! And us to more of your bitching and whining and moaning! AND sighing!!!
I mean, why do you do this? Accept more responsibilities that you can handle, then bitch and moan about it to us?!
I CANNOT TAHAN!!! I SIMPLY DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!
It's not even like you're obliged in any way!!! So why bring this upon yourself!!! ROARRRRRRRRRRRR!!! (-_-)

WHY??? TELL ME WHY???

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! Thinking about it just makes me super gerammm!!! Grrrrrr!!!

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?????????????????

*heaves**pants*

(walao this was a super bitchy post, guess it just runs in the family huh.
Now imagine us being submitted to that kind of horror everyday. Or almost everyday. -__-)

Bow to Ze Old Wise One wtf

Another day. Another post. Wow it's like I'm setting a record or something wtf.

You know what, there's a hell lot of stuff to do in this world. Well I'm not talking about changing the world and stuff. I'm not even talking about volunteerism. Or picking up the rubbish on the roadside. Ah what am I talking about.

What I meant was, there are a lot of things to fill our spare time with (mengisikan masa lapang wtf). BUT people (myself included, hehe) complain that there's nothing to do all the time. Whine whine whine. They exclaim "There's nothing to do around here!!!" and similar shit like that. Well genius, find something for yourself to do lah wtf. When there's a will, there's a way wtf.

I dunno, go learn some new skills or something. Go out for a picnic (har har. Ain't over my crave for a dose of Mother Nature). Go fly a kite. If you don't own a kite, make one. If there's no wind, well find other stuff to do that doesn't involve wind la wtf. Go hiking. Just take a stroll around the neighbourhood. Get out, for God's sake.

Ok if you really just want to stay indoors, start baking or something wtf. Crafting. Dancing in your underwear. Singing karaoke. Simple age old activity of reading. Among many other activities. Heck, even household chores can fill in your time what.

The reason why I didn't mention the usual indoor activities like watching TV, surfing the Net is cos probably there's nothing to watch anyway or you can't think of anything to Google about. Because that's probably the reason why people end up oh-so-bored anyway. Most people resort to these two activities when they having nothing else better to accomplish. Therefore, when the TV and Internet seems mind numbingly vapid and dull, people resign to their fate and vociferate "There's nothing to do around here!!!" or something to that effect.

But I digress. My whole point is, there's a whole lot to do in this world. Climb a tree or something. Go on an adventure! Be spontaneous! Get crazy! The world's your oyster! (wtf is this even used correctly) Get your butt off your bed (this actually refers to a friend) or pathetic chair and DO something about your boredom! Just because of the fact that there is so much that you can do.

(Wow, maybe I don't have a totally cynical and pessimistic outlook on life after all. Do I actually think that there's hope? *gasp* That... that there are beautiful things in life? *double gasp* That life's worth living sometimes??? *OMGGGG*)

And, did you notice that, a whole lot of pee-ple (enunciate that in a condescending way wtf) who claims that they're bored until-can-die consists of freaking teenagers???!!! It's like our genetic markup is programmed to make us feel bored every 5 minutes. That's when you hear the ever so popular phrase of "Hou sien arghhhhhhhhhh!!!" (translated to: very boring arghhhhhhhhhh!!!) Maybe it's the short attention span. We lose interest in things we're doing pretty fast. Or maybe it's cos most adults own cars and can drive to anywhere they want to jalan2 when they're bored, and children amuse themselves anyway so they rarely feel bored (or they just don't voice it out that much).

OR. Perhaps it is cos we are not proactive enough in spending our free time usefully/meaningfully. We dunno how to search for interesting stuff to do. All we pretty much know how to do is whine and bitch and moan about it.

Like when it's the holidays. Have you forgot how you were damn looking forward to it? Haven't you thought of the things that you'll be doing then? Weren't you just dying to get away from school / college?? BUT. When it's FINALLY here. When it's FINALLY blessing you with free time, you start feeling 'omg I'm like so fucking boreddd' 'All I do is eat and sleep!'

I mean, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!?! Relish in the holiday spirit for God's sake! Do those things that you were dreaming of pre-holiday! Most importantly, appreciate your freaking hard earned holiday wtf cos it's gonna end just like that *snaps fingers*! And you'll be craving for another holiday that time when you're forced to study and finish ass crack assignments, and the vicious cycle continues wtf.

Wisdom of the day (wtf): Of all the things you should be doing during the holidays, feeling bored shouldn't be one of it (applies to studying too; and having assignments to complete wtf). And hell yeah I prefer a boring holiday over college ANYTIME.

I tell you ar! These people! Cis!!!

To Sum It Up : A Lot of Crap

Gosh. I'm blogging everyday now? Can't remember when was the last time that happened.

It's the wee hours in the morning again. I practically whiled the day away when I should have been diligently and frantically finishing my assignment.
Why am I so fucking hopeless like this???
Why can't I bring myself to complete it once and for all because you have a freaking timeline to take note of bitch.
I don't know!!! WHY????????
The clock's definitely ticking and mind you, you're no Hiro, you can't stop time ok. You can't shut your eyes and arrive anywhere or anytime you desire. Or more accurately, you can't break the space/time continuum (whatever that means).
Heck, it's already freaking Wednesday!!!!
Oh my Gawd can someone just do me the favour of killing me.
And you have to be done by what, Saturday? Please lar hurry up lar!!!

Ugh. I sooo hate myself sometimes. No wait. How bout friggin' ALL THE TIME. Bitch.

* * *

Sigh. I wish I could write. Like freaking touch people with what I write. Be inspiring. Make people want to read more. Make people think 'hey, she's damn good!' or plain 'Wow'. Ah, but those are nothing but wishful thinking. I guess an insecure, self-loathing 17 year old won't be able to write to save her life?
I wish I could be funny and charming in writing too. Some people just pull that off effortlessly. It's already in them.
When I read back on previous posts, I mostly cringe and think 'oh God wtf why do I write like that' Seriously. Why?
I'll feel ashamed and be grateful time and again that nobody actually reads these shit. Cos if anyone did, he/she will start convulsing immediately. I doubt anyone can stand more than one sentence.
See, even the author seems to be embarassed. (Just like how a teenager can get damn embarassed of their parents sometimes.) Apatah lagi other human beings. Pffftt.

* * *

On a totally unrelated note, do you sometimes think that parents exist solely to put you down? To discourage you, to convince you that you aren't actually as good as you think you are. Well it's probably unintentional, of course. Maybe not wtf.
Well, has that thought slipped through your mind before?
I'm asking that cos it has, for me. More than once. Well this probably requires some elaboration and I could provide them, IF I could write well wtf.
If only I'm a master with words. I could type all the crap I want and still have people peruse it wtf.

Or have you asked yourself the question of why must parents impose their own beliefs or interests in their children? WHY??? *desperate tone wtf*
Look, just because we share the same DNA or genes or whatever crap with you doesn't mean that we ARE you.
Is it a crime to be a little different? Is it a shame? Aren't we separate individuals with different minds? You can think for yourself, I can think for myself. You feel what you feel, I feel what I feel. We are different sentient beings!!! I cannot stress that enough.
So all I need from you once in awhile is a lil STFU (for those unaware, it stands for Shut The Fuck Up). Is that too much to ask for?

Yes, you brought me into this world. You are responsible to take care of me because of that. Because hell, I didn't ask to be born in the first place! And I should be grateful you actually brought me to this shit hole? Yeah well thanks a lot. Pffffffffft. Oh yeah that sounds mighty ungrateful and disrespectful, I know. I guess I have a lot of pent up angst and emo-ness after so many moody years. It could be a phase.

And stop asking if I love you. Cos I pretty much have to. (-Jake, from Two and a Half Men) And you pretty much have to love me too. But I'm not even sure what love means or how it feels.

Sigh. I could blame everybody I want. Except for myself. For turning into this depressed, depressing creature. Cos it's my freaking blog and nobody reads it. *emo*

* * *

What is freaking wrong with the weather nowadays huh? It has been sweltering!!! Nothing short of scorching or melting. Results in constant pespiration, body odour, sweat patches, cranky mood and search for effective cooling methods (i.e. bumming around, cold victuals, dozing off etc [not that any of these proved effective wtf]).

And since moi wakes up in the afternoon, like 1 or 2pm, one wakes up immersed in numbing heat waves. The hot air practically cranks up the Fucked-Up-Mood-O-Meter and forces one to get up even though one yearns to get some more shut eye, just for a fewwww more minutes (translate: half an hour or an hour).
I tell you, the heat, the unforgiving HEAT envelopes you and renders the fan useless. It causes every part of you that isn't exposed to the air circulated by the fan (wtf dunno how else to put it) to break out in sweat. To be mi-cro-waved. And that's still an understatement.

So I wonder how could some Malaysians actually hate snow (!) after they have gone overseas. *gasp!*
Maybe after the novelty of it wears off, they just realise it's just frozen water and that it permits people to pee everywhere? Wtf.

Hidden Love for Mother Nature wtf

Argh. Arghhhh. ARGHHHHHHHHH.
I don't wana do this stupid assignment la wtfffffff.
HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE

Recently I've been yearning to get in touch with Mother Nature, you know. To enjoy the scenery, the tall luscious green trees, soft oh-so-plush grass, fresh cooling air, bright sunlight that just beckons people to run outside and twirl around playfully. You get what I mean? Wishing my neighbourhood to become more like Wysteria Lane, i.e. so green and bright and sunny (though all sorts of dark, but interesting nevertheless, things happen there wtf)

And I wonder, why the sudden craving? Why the sudden urge? Hell if I know, maybe I've lost touch for too long or maybe it's what I absolutely need right now. Like how our bodies would make us crave for some food when we're deficient in its nutrient?

And talking about food. -_-. WHY THE HELL DO I ABUSE MYSELF BY OVEREATING WTF. The binge eating have all gone to my tummy, thighs and butt wtf. OMG the flab! Really cannot tahan lor. Blame it on PMS wtf. But it may be some other underlying issue. It's just how I deal with emotional issues I guess. I eat eat eat and EAT. And by GOD do I eat a lot of unhealthy crap. I eat a lot of bread, for example. Well bread's not unhealthy per se, but moderation is not in my dictionary wtf. I really do chow down on a hell lot of bread, resulting in an overdose of carbohydrate and refined sugar. End result = fat fat FAT!!! I swear I have so much stored fat in my body right now, I can compete with a whale T_T.

Thus, I have resolved to at least try to control my humanly-impossibly-ravenous (making me non-human T_T) appetite. No more supper. Not so much bread, please. More fruits? Most importantly, NO MORE SUPPER. *stomach groans*

Please lah, stomach... I wanna look slim and slender (don't forget to mention HOT) for Gerard Way, can? Muahahaha...

Sigh. No mood to do assignment lar. Go to sleep lagi bagus wtf.

OMG I Need to Get a Life + It's 4:12 am la What Do You Expect (Excuse wtf)

Phewwwwwwwwww!!! That was close! Managed to dodge Mr. 2nd option without a scratch! Man, someone needs to get laid! So cranky wtf.

See, it's times like these that I'm thankful my blog has zero readers thus making it really a private online journal. People thought that would be an oxymoron but no nooo.. I have proven them wrong. DEAD wrong. I have accomplished a feat like that. Hence, I am a genius wtf.

Times like these meaning times when I wanna blog but have no inkling what to blog about and start to ramble like there's no tomorrow wtf. Hey, I'm aware that I'm no Lim Su Ann ok. I can't just plop my ass somewhere and churn out great crap like she does. Ok la not great crap but really great stuff. Satisfied? What I can churn out however, is worthless, worse than crap strings of words? Aw come on... it's worse than that?

So what? It's my blog and I can do anything about it. I can fill it with all the stinking crap I want and nobody can do anything about it. Bwahahahaha... Unleash the terror!!! Wtf -_-.

Truth is I also wish I can write like her la, but I can't ma. My writing is like this ma... cannot meh? And I also wish my life's as interesting as hers la but what to do? I'm a boring old fart ma wtf.

Oh ya yours truly is heading to MCR's concert on 9th Dec!!! WOOT! Rock on bitch!!! ROCK ON!!! Will maybe blog about it if there's chance. Don't you envy me bitches wtf.

OMG I Need to Get a Life + It's 3:50 am la What Do You Expect (Excuse wtf)

Hey heyyyy I'm backkkkkkk!!!! wtf sounded like an annoying squeal.
So, anyway. I read other people's blogs. Made me wanna blog too.
But, moi have nothing interesting to blog about!
So what does one do? Er, post nude photos of one online I guess...

WTF. Seriously. You think I'd do that? (provoking response from non-existant crowd) One doesn't even HAVE nude photos of one!!! (If got also won't tell you la wtf)

Sigh. Do I blog about something profound... while listening to BEP's "Shut Up" and trying to bring my ass to complete le stupid assignment. None of that evokes anything profound in anyone la. Once again, yours truly is here to blog but have nada content. So she shamelessly asks dumb questions to fill in the space. Filler questions, you see. Fuestions. Ha. Ha. *shifty eyes*

When one is alone in the living room listening to BEP's "Mama" and is in an attempt to finish moi's nerve-wrecking assignment and er, blog at the same time, what should one blog about?
a) impart some useful knowledge at least once in awhile la bitch
b) for fuck's sake please stop blogging alogether and spare us from the agonyyyy
c) I'm here to remind you for the second time to STOP blogging la biatch... don't make me come back for a third time please.
d) I'm kind. I'm the 3rd option actually but Mr. 2nd option usurped me to give you a second warning so now I'm 4th option. I'll give you a chance to redeem yourself. Just blog about something coherent and worth reading at least. FAST. I don't like the look on Mr. 2nd option.
e) MUTHAF#$%$^%$* !!! WHAT THE HELL DID I TELL YOU!!!

*post abruptly ended*

< insert supposedly witty title >

At this ungodly unGODly hour, what thingamajig could I possibly have to blog about? Some sort of deep revelation? Sudden euphoria? Share some random knowledge of the week, perhaps?

Exactly. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Nil. Zero.

But still, here I am blogging about... nothing.

Cos I'm mou liu like that. And cos I miss blogging, can??

Don't you believe me? Not even a bittttttt?

Ah, what the heck. Who cares. You don't even exist, for God's sake!

MCQ & James Blunt (so wholesome! wtf.)

At this ungodly hour, should I be
a) sleeping
b) God forbid, studying or
c) masturbating wtf wtf

Well, option a) is the correct answer, the logical and rational answer. b) is the ethically correct, righteous answer wtf. It's what I should be doing when I'm not sleeping, see? And c)... is an option I have not and will not choose wtf.

But instead, here I am blogging my ass off wtf. Damn I'm so hopeless at studying nowadays. Skipping classes... procrastinating... NOT STUDYING for finals wtfff.. I'm HOPELESS, I tell ya!

It's like, I'm already totally 'desensitized' towards exam... maybe will 'gan jeong' a bit la.. but that's it.. I don't really care about the marks anymore.. I don't give a fuck already.. Care factor = 0 wtf.. Haiz. Numb already. -_- <-- Bored like hai face.

Side note: James Blunt's newest album- All The Lost Souls totally rocks! Oh I meant.. rawks! bebeh... it totally grew on me the more I listened to it!! That started off with 'Same Mistake' cos I heard it from 'Private Practice'..
My favs are 'Same Mistake', 'Give Me Some Love', 'I Really Want You'...

I Crave...

Today, boys and girls... yours truly have finally gained a new knowledge...

the art of tying a tie!!! albeit in a cacat way wtf. But still, I now know the moves la.. wtf faster say that in a dirty way.. da MooOOVES bebeh.. shit I've officially gone crazy wtf.



Sigh. Tonight. Or this morning, whichever pleases you, I feel like having a companion beside me.. to chat and drink tea and snack on scones with. We'll be basking (wtf) in the moonlight, and enjoying the night breeze, while we talk about deep stuff, like life... the meaning of it, the banality of it, the excitement of it, the quirkiness of it. We'll feel so much comfort and gain relevation from our conversation, so much so that we'll want it to go on forever, wishing that time can just 'stop right at this moment'... ahhh.. I'm so lucky to have met you, my friend..



Sigh. I've never had moments like these. Or have I? And I just took them for granted? Why do I suddenly crave for this? Is it because all along my life have been filled with nothing but insignificance??



Sigh. I do not know. I feel like crying now. Not loud sobs, but let silent tears stream down my cheeks while my throat fills with that feeling of mounting pressure.

Bloggie, it's been a long time. Forgive me.

I Need Dark Chocolate

How I wish I could write like pinkpau. She just has this undeniable talent to write! Man, I envy her la. It's like the world's her oyster, but she does experience bouts of sadness... I wonder why.

I wish I could just dive in my brothers' minds sometimes, and find out what they're thinking. To me, we don't seem like a happy family. I mean, we don't seem to be happy people. My impression of us is we're grumpy, whiny, querulous people. Or maybe it's just me. I know I can be really grumpy and have mood swings all the time. So, I wanna dive into their thoughts and see if they're really unhappy as I am. If they are, why? Is it our problem? We're just dysfunctional like that? I think I'm trying to justify my own moodiness here. Playing the 'dysfunctional family' card. Am I sad or what.

Man, sometimes I just feel I have this wild child inside me just waiting to burst out. I wanna dye my hair bright red, put on some rock chick attire and paint the fucking town red. Wanna do whatever I want, and don't care about what other people think. Be an ECCENTRIC. Sometimes, I hate the fact that I really care about other's opinion about me. It's kinda hard to be happy with myself this way. If I intend to release my inner wild child, I really should do it during my teenage years, cos there won't be any chance to do it when I'm all grown up and working. Except for maybe in the future I work in the media industry or art industry. Sigh, but the future is unpredictable.

How and when will I feel at peace with myself? How and when can I achieve equilibrium? Am I gonna live forever like this? I don't know how long I'll last...

Vignettes

I'm like, so defected in writing already.. wtf was that even grammatically correct? I lost my already quite non-existant ability to write. I found out about this through a couple of essay writing exercises I had to endure during my time here. T_T...

I feel like blogging but I have nothing to blog about lar.. why am I so boring.

I wanna go shopping.

I suppose I can write about my feelings.. A-effing-GAIN.

Oh, or.. I suppose I can talk about the few pairs of earrings I bought yesterday... Ahhh.. nothing like the therapy of shopping.. particularly of buying superficial stuff.

OR.. I can elaborate on the neverending supply of homework I have yet to finish. Or perpetual tests. Whichever you prefer. How about another dose of super-mega-'fan' assignments? Not enough? Have another taste of nerve-wrecking presentations.

I'm so choppy nowadays right? Why is that so?

Random Shits

Fooh!! Have I been neglecting this supposedly 'online journal' or what?!! Seriously, I should just change it to abandoned.blogspot.

As from now on, I'll be having even less opportunities to blog. What with college, assignments and all that. College is totally not as fun as I imagined. What? My expectations too high? Perhaps. Dunno lar.. I don't even have anything to blog about. ('Yeah, so what else is new', I hear you say) So, what is bloggable..

I think I'll just stick to ranting.

Seriously, I'm worried that I won't be able to study Accounting. No interest=no heart=no concentration. It doesn't help that now we're just learning theories, theories and more theories. I know, I'm Miss WhineaLot. By the way, I cannot tahan people who tYp3 LikE ThIS.. why la tell me why you'd like to type like that. first it's time consuming, second it's irritating, third it's like totally retarded. Pardon me, but it is. Dunno who's the stupid fella who invented that way of typing.. geli betul!!!

Er, anyway. It's kinda torturing to know that you have to study something you don't like for the next few years. It's disheartening. I wish everyone can just follow what the guy from Little Miss Sunshine said, "you just do what you like and just fuck the rest". May not be verbatim, but you get the idea. That's so easy to say. Actually I also dunno what exactly is suitable for me. But I think it's definitely not accounting....

Haiz. Whatever la. Apparently it doesn't matter what you like, as long as it's lucrative enough. Why la why... and why recently i keep on saying 'why la why' and 'walao'!! why??? A ubiquitous question that rarely has an answer. One of life's mysteries...

Errr, what's wrong with me.. so pointless one this entry. Yeah, so I'm basically as bitter and negative as always. The end.

Jumble Mumble

Uninspired, is what I am right now. I've joined the legion of the bespectacled. Apparently my lack of eye care led me to this. Well yeah I sorta expected it, I truly deserved it. So not much complain there.

I realized that last month only had one post... not that anybody really cares but I've really abandoned this blog! What's wrong with me?? It's because there's nothing bloggable about me.

Well, I finally had some working experience. For 2 days. As a promoter. Hell yeah it was fun! *fake gaiety* What have I gained from this invaluable experience? Feet that hurt like hell, realization that I truly am unsuitable for this kind of job, that my verbal English sucks (still having hope that my written one doesn't suck so bad), embarrassment, etc and shit like that. At least now I can have my head held high and proudly answer 'Yes' if I'm asked whether I've worked before. 2 days not counted as work ar??

Really, I should just be one of those androids that work in front of computer 24/7 scratching her ass , seeing how I'm virtually hopeless at human interaction. I'm incapable of explaining stuff. I'd prefer somebody else did it or I'd simply say 'I dunno'. Basically I'm a taciturn person ok. Except for the sporadic burst of verbiage. Which are mostly nonsense and crap. That's when I'm excited or talking to myself. Hmmm... maybe I talk to myself more than to other people... gosh I'm weird.

Home alone again I am. There's nothing much to do here. The biggest source of entertainment would be the computer, followed by the television, then perhaps books (currently reading Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides). I've imagined and planted an image of myself walking to the mini market 5 mins away to buy some junk food but we know how dangerous it is for a girl to be alone on the streets nowadays right... (esp for a gorgeous one like me *cough*) or in other words I'm a coward. And I wanna try to roller blade but I keep on giving excuses like the weather's not right (when in doubt, always blame the weather. ALWAYS.) or I'm having my period (not that this has ath to do with inline skating but I just don't feel like doing ath when I'm being a leaky faucet. 'But you feel like that all the time!!!' the little voice in my head vociferates. Yeah yeah... but the feeling is stronger when I'm leaking, ok??)

And now my throat doesn't feel too good, it's scratchy, uncomfortable, with a little phlegm. My nose, a little blocked. A couple of days ago I was sneezing like I was confined in a room filled with pepper. Falling sick? I hope not. More reason to not do anything.

Living alone really is lonely. I mean, all these 16+ years I've lived in a house with other people, can I get used to it if I have to live alone in the future? The house just seems so empty and lifeless when there's only one person in it, it reverberates with deafening silence if not for the tv. Maybe I should reconsider my vow to never marry... or I should be a spinster who lives with her parents her whole life. Hmmm... decisions decisions.

I'll try to blog more. Even if it's about nothing/crap/bullshit/stool/excreta/rubbish/folderol... well, you get the idea. That pretty much concludes today's oh-my-god-what-a-truckload-of-inconsequential-boring-mind-numbing-crap that nobody reads.

Here I Go Again

Oh I've been neglecting this blog for ages. I really shouldn't, cos I should write. More and more. If I ever intend to become a columnist. A freelance writer.

Sigh. I sigh a lot. I have no idea what the future holds, I have no particular plans. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not. It sucks when self-doubt sets in. Sometimes parents do that. They make you question your abilities. Sometimes you do it to yourself.

There's so much I wanna do, you know. Much that I can envision myself doing. Baking, cooking, drawing, crafting... I wanna spend time drawing again, finish my unfinished projects. But it just seems pointless since I won't be showing it or have a chance to do that. And these days I wake up at 2pm, all groggy and heavy-lidded. I don't know why no matter what time I sleep, I keep waking up at 2 now, it's weird. It seems like, if I wake at one time for one day, for the other days I'll wake up at that certain time or near that certain time until I manage to finally get out of that schedule... It's weird la.

Sigh. But yeah, I would like to draw again... and read. Haven't been skimming through my books lately too. Blame it on my Prison Break mania. I can't help it. It's too good. I admit it has its flaws, but Wentworth Miller definitely makes up for it. Hell yeah he's HOT. Anyway. The thing is, I can't seem to indulge in drawing and reading at the same period. Once I'm in a book, I refrain from doing anything else. It's probably cos I'm a lousy multi-tasker. So since I have this whole bunch of books sitting prettily on my shelf imploring to be read, I've been reading, then taking a few days break, then reading again... so I haven't been tapping into my drawing skills lately. At all. And I kinda feel guilty bcos of that, it's like I'm ignoring or neglecting a part of me. It's an essential part of me.

Sigh. There's so much I can do, but here I am bumming around the house. Not doing much. I could learn how to cook, how to bake, but I'm just this unmotivated blob of human flesh. Sometimes I wonder why I don't just die since I don't seem to do anything anyway... my death won't bring much of an impact.

I ramble on and on and on... and I don't seem to do anything about it, do I? I seem to be running in circles. I suck. I know. I hope this 'I suck' thing will cease once I start studying again, once I have some real purpose, you know, something to focus on. I hope that I'll have much to occupy my time with so I won't even have a chance to catch a breath, much less whine and bitch. I know that probably won't happen but a girl can hope, aight?

To start studying again... hmm I'm not sure how I feel about that. It just seems ages ago that I studied. When in truth it's just a few months. Time really flies. And I have a really short memory. I've been thinking, about extra-curricular activities. About what I should take. Perhaps dancing. Belly dancing. Pole dancing. Those really interest me. Or jazz, contemporary etc... man, it's just after having watched 'So You Think You Can Dance'... every dance is sexy and hot. Other than dancing, maybe write for a newsletter or something, if there's one, to hone my writing skills (what writing skills?? You ask). And surprisingly, acting has crossed my mind. Prison Break has something to do with this too. Wouldn't it be great to immerse yourself in this totally new environment and be another person. Wouldn't it be fun to build rapport with other actors, showing it on stage or on screen... To let yourself believe that you and the character is one and you feel what he/she should feel, making it so real you affect the viewers, touch their hearts, making them shed a tear with you... it's kinda... surreal.

Sigh. I sigh a lot. Damn a lot.

Mismatched Earrings

A lot can be told by looking at my pair of mismatched earrings. Like what? You ask..

That I'm incongruous.
That I'm searching.. for that pair of earrings that were made for me. My perfect pair.
That I wanna stand out, but not too much.
That I strive to be interesting, which further proves that I'm as colorful as your Chemistry teacher.
That I intend to be different, even though being different is what everyone else wants to do, hence I'm back at square one.
That I dislike norms, although I conform to them.
That I try to make a statement, but what statement is that.. I have no idea.
That there are many sides of me. Some of which I have yet to discover.
That I feel unbalanced.. just like how a sphere would complement a square.
That no, I wasn't in a rush, I did it on purpose.
That every part of me is asymmetrical.

That I wanna be what I can't be. Not just yet.

Oh yes, a lot can be told by a pair of mismatched earrings. If you even notice such paltry things.

Hi, I'm bs and I'm a Xenophobic

Call me xenophobic if you will, I'm just not that into people. The word 'hate' might seem too harsh, but sometimes it nears there, when I'm particularly angsty or afflicted with PMS. Speaking about PMS, I seem to have been having it forever, but I haven't had my period yet. Maybe P does stands for perpetual/perennial after all, huh.

An example of my phobia occurs when relatives come to stay over. Be it for one night or week, I'll be itching for them to leave pronto. Why? Cause they'll be sleeping in my room. I feel as if that's an invasion of my privacy, as I like to be alone in my room reading, drawing or watching tv at night, till the wee hours of next morning. With the presence of another being in my space(starting to feel possessive), I instantly feel agitated and uncomfortable. Save for some rare occasions like when I'm watching Desperate Housewives, I actually hope my bro's present so we can laugh out loud together during those funny moments.

So when they're over, it's like my life is disrupted. I don't even get to lie on my bed and read in fear of 'disturbing their sleep'. I guess I'm just not a fan of changes. When I'm in a comfort zone, I plonk my ass there so hard that I don't wanna leave. That's not really a good trait. My aunt came to stay for a few days, and her 'little stay' protracted to over a week due to unforeseen circumstances. Needless to say, I was dying for her to leave.

I think, that I have adverse reactions to prolonged contact with people. Xenophobic is probably an understatement. Maybe that's why I feel as if I need to get away from my family. I'm getting sick of my father's voice. Like, real sick. I don't even wanna answer him or be near him cos when that speaking orifice of his opens, you betcha it'll be open for a long loooong time. But that's a rant for another post.

It seems, that I can't be with another person for too long or I'll just get sick of him/her. I think this happened to me and my BFF, but luckily things looked up. And now we're still BFF. If I lost a friendship just cos of my darn foible, that would really have sucked.

Ergo, I'm just not a good friend. Like that, how to be good girlfriend? Aiyoo... don't tell me I'm gonna be a virgin my whole life. Ok, I think I lost the plot there. Must be due to current state of somnolence, which is weird cos I was abnormally sleepy the whole day. Probably because of the weather (blame game).

And what IS with the fucked up weather huh? Absolutely sweltering the whole day. How long will this last? When mankind finally do something about global warming? Ok, that would be.... NEVER. Stupid heat make me sweat and reek like some pathetic lil' gym sock. The problem is, I perspire real easily, and my hormone fluctuations make me stink (at least, that's what I think). It could also be that I'm a born stinker *shrug*.

This post was actually pointless. I just missed blogging, that's all.

Happiness?

True happiness. That's what all of us want. That's basically our common desire. All we want is to be happy, is that really too much to ask for?

After many nights of crying myself to sleep and waking up with swollen eyes the next morning, I've concluded that to attain happiness, true fulfilling contentment, one must first achieve inner peace. One must be at peace with oneself. But how to? I fear that inner peace will forever elude me, taunt me, mock me.

To feel happy, you must be happy with yourself. Because that's the foundation of achieving more, to let other emotions flow in. Other people can't bring you down, only if you're satisfied with who you are, and what you have become. I think, this inner peace is rare, as people will always find fault in themselves, find it hard to forgive themselves and will certainly think back on past mistakes, eventually reopening old wounds. This inner equilibrium is, in my opinion, the key to living life to the fullest.

At the end of the day, other problems may be solved, can be solved no matter how insurmountable they seem. People you dislike, you may choose to ignore them but at the end of the day, you have to face yourself. It's hard to run away from yourself. It's impossible. When you look into the mirror and you see someone you loathe, there's no way that happiness will arrive.

It's hard to feel happy, to feel anything else, when all you have is self-hatred and resentment. It's literally like building an impenetrable wall around you, and all that's left is the vacillation between loneliness and numbness. And you don't know how to reach out, because you've long lost the ability to, or maybe you couldn't in the first place, and that's why you ended up in the confinement that is your empty heart.

At times, the feel of the sharp kitchen blade against your skin feels.... tempting. In your mind, you see yourself stabbing your heart with it repetitively, and all you feel is dull pain, as if you're anesthetized. You can't feel anymore, and you hate yourself even more for being so weak... so vulnerable. The path is long and seemingly forlorn and perpetual. It looks like, you're the only one on it, searching fruitlessly for a hint of bright light, unsure of how much longer you can hold on.

You know you're pathetic, when all you can do is talk to yourself about how you feel. And that doesn't help much, since your inner demon will always remind you that you built your own cell. You yearn for a comforting shoulder to cry on and you try to dream one up. In the morning, you realize it was just a pillow that you were hugging. That pillow seems like the only thing that's willing to share your endless streams of hot tears, cos you know that it wont get sick of your whining.

It's so lonely... on this path. It's so hard... growing up. It's just tiring... to live.

Sigh.

Happiness... where are you?

My Name is Eduardo, Babeh! II

Finally, she couldn't stand it anymore... she jumped from behind the shadows and pounced on Eduardo.

Clumsily, they tumbled to the floor, face down. 'Ooofh!' Eduardo said as the air in his lungs rushed out of him. Gaining his senses, he turned around, ready to defend himself.

'Helena!' Shocked out of his wits, he didn't know what to do except to gawk at her.

'SUR-PRIIISE!!!!' Still in a daze, Eduardo thought he heard two voices shouting. One was without a doubt Helena's, another was sonorous and strangely familiar....

Realizing that the thing was probably still reaching for him, he looked up. To see it pull its face out. Preparing to scream, his voice was caught in his throat when...

'Eh? Joseph? What the-?'

Joseph, all six feet of him, was shaking with laughter. Helena joined him, holding her stomach as if she had cramps. Eduardo glanced back and forth, totally confused, until he saw the mask that Joseph was holding. At last, realization dawned upon him. Then he too, burst out in laughter till tears rolled down his cheeks.

Gasping for breath, he said to Helena,'That was some Valentine's Day gift!!' Helena nodded with high frequency, exclaiming, 'Yeah! I know!!' her high pitched laughter echoed throughout the study. 'Happy Belated Valentine's Day, honey!'

When the three of them finally calmed down, Joseph said,'Boy, you should have seen the look on your face. I was surprised you didn't wet yourself! You surprised me when you said you had a new idea for your book!!'

Helena chipped in,' You know, I would have donned the mask myself, but given my small frame, I doubt you would have felt for it...'

'Hahaha.... good thinking! Man, you really got me there!' Eduardo said.

'Well,' Joseph straightened his hair and shirt, his piercing hazel eyes focused on Eduardo 'guess I better leave you two love birds alone now eh...' he winked.

Eduardo and Helena walked him to the door. Before leaving, Joseph left his words of wisdom for the day. ' Have a great time, kids!'

Chuckling to themselves, Eduardo and Helena turned to face each other and wrapped their arms around each other's waist. Helena leaned forward and tried to kiss Eduardo when he broke the silence by asking ,'Hey babe..... where the hell did you get that mask? It was so fucking real!'
Helena smiled while thinking: Sigh, he's never been a romantic....

This, some people would say...eccentric couple met four years ago. Helena was a florist, and business was slow when Eduardo strutted in her shop donning a dark red velvet cape. Of course, he caught Helena's attention right away. There stood in front of her, a thin lanky guy wearing a black T-shirt, over-sized jeans and a ... a cape? He wasn't terribly dashing, his face was a little pock marked and eyebrows a tad too bushy. But somehow, Helena couldn't take her eyes off him. It was his eyes.... she thought. Those long lashes and dreamy eyes...

Helena asked tentatively, 'Erm... how may I help you?' Truth was, he hadn't came in to buy flowers, but he just had writer's block. What the hell does that have to do with anything? You ask. Well, Eduardo liked to do weird things when the dreaded writer's block hit him. To get inspiration. To just be spontaneous and let his creative juices flow again. Once, he wore a garish green wig, put on his black Elvis Presley costume (he fave colour was black) and danced around town. In the streets, the supermarket, in the library.... everywhere people thought he was cuckoo. Nobody recognized him, cos frankly nobody knew how the great-author-of-gruesome-novels looked like. He used the pseudonym 'Mama's Boy', just for the heck of it.

So, most of the time his escapades worked out and he'll be bombarded by ideas at the end of the day. And for this purpose, his closet was filled with a plethora of funky costumes, wigs and accessories. His cleaning lady, Martha was amused, but knew him well enough not to say anything.

That day, again he got stuck with his plot and hadn't a clue how to go on, thus he rummaged through his closet and finally decided on his vampire costume. Though he did not want to scare people.... he thought. Because his skin was really fair and there were menacing dark circles under his eyes, he figured some kids might even mistake him as a real vampire. Ergo, he forgone the rest and just went for the cape. He was strutting down the pavement (like he owned the damn street) and went into Helena's shop on a whim.

And there he was standing in front of Helena, at loss for words. 'Er.... hi, I'm Ed... Eduardo' he stammered. 'And... I'm Helena...' Helena was contemplating if she should just get her pepper spray just in case. Eduardo thought of dancing again but he didn't want to embarrass himself. No, not in front of her.... Mutual attraction was in the air albeit both of them didn't know at that time. With her crazy scraggly hair and glitter green smoky eyes, it was as if she didn't care but still she looked good to Eduardo. He appraised her surreptitiously, taking notice of her grey corset top and pink shawl tied at her waist. The rest of her he couldn't see because she was standing behind the counter. Not the best combo in the world, but hey! I'm digging it! There's something unique about her...

Unexpectedly, Mr. Dreamy Eyes blurted, 'So, have a good day.' and turned around. Then, he figured it would be rude not to buy anything so he turned again and said, 'On second thought, I'd like to buy a dozen roses...'

From that day onwards, he came to her shop almost every day, buying a stalk if feeling frugal, or a bouquet when in the mood for generosity. In normal attire, of course. Soon enough, they became acquainted and Helena found herself expecting Eduardo's company impatiently every day. As a result, Eduardo's house was filled to the brim with roses, lilies, sunflowers etc which gave Martha a hard time. She was fully aware of what was going on, cos well, nothing escapes her, and felt happy for her employer but just wished he wouldn't forbid her to throw away those flowers. Not until they withered.

After 5 months, he finally asked her to be his girlfriend. It was evident that Eduardo wasn't the most romantic person in the world, seeing that he frequented mamak stalls with Helena. Still, she was in love with him, and they both loved the gross, ugly and eccentric. Thus it became some sort of tradition for Helena to figure out ways to scare the crap outta Eduardo every February the 15th, because she couldn't do it on Valentine's Day as it was the busiest and most profitable day ever. It was Helena's gift to Eduardo - good scares - and she had fun doing it. Though Eduardo refused to celebrate, he deemed it as over-commercialised and blood-sucking. He wasn't a romantic, after all.

Again, Martha was aware of this and just rolled her eyes and chuckled when Eduardo fell for Helena's tricks 'Aigh, what a silly couple...' Eduardo always forgets about February the 15th, he's such a workaholic. Martha mused.

Back to the present, Martha was watching from a corner at the couple hugging each other at the waist. 'Kiss her... kiss her...' she whispered vehemently. She shook her head in disappointment when Eduardo spoiled the moment. 'That boy really needs some help, maybe I should teach him how to please the lady, huh?'

My Name is Eduardo, Babeh!

It was a dark, stormy night..... (omg so cheesy)

Eduardo stretched his arms upward, yawning. He was exhausted. Of course I am, it's 3 fucking a.m. already, he surmised. Sitting in his study,he glanced around at his dark mahogany bureau, carpeted parquet floor, the comfy couch that sat in the corner, ever so inviting. With only his table lamp on, the space was cast with amorphous shadows, giving it an eerie atmosphere. But he liked it this way, only me and the world, that's what he thought during these ungodly hours trying to finish his work, or just reading a really gripping novel. No one else was awake, granting him freedom to do whatever he fancied. No one else...

Or so he thought.

Relaxing on his cushioned chair, he put his feet on the bureau and his hands behind his head. Grinning, he closed his eyes trying to just savour this quiet moment. His thoughts wandered off...

What was that? That thud?

Eduardo jolted and opened his eyes. Did I just hear something?
No of course not silly, it's just your mind playing tricks on you. Again.
Yeah... this ain't the first time huh? he chuckled.

Eduardo always had a crazy imagination. Since he was a child, he came up with wild stories of ghouls, trolls and genies and later during puberty it was psychos, murderers and maniacs. Teachers thought he had a morbid mind and stayed away. But at the end of the day, he was just like any other teenager, insecure, awkward, misunderstood. He merely had a quirky imagination.

And last time it gave him trouble was last fortnight, when he mistook a misplaced mannequin as a burglar (or professional assassin, his mind told him. Though the mind didn't give a reason as to why anyone would wanna get rid of him permanently) during his late night venture to get some instant noodles. Poor mannequin, it was battered countless times by a baseball bat and was barely recognizable at the end of its ordeal. These sort of 'incidents', as his cleaning lady called it, happened quite frequently, no thanks to his over active imagination and his fondness of late night instant noodles.

Oh yes, his dear imagination. It gave him hell during his teenage years, he was constantly being laughed at for his suspicions that Mr. Gomez (Physics teacher) was actually a spy, what with his glacial demeanour and cool shades. And not to forget, his odd short visits to Mrs. Prudence's (Art teacher) office. He always came out satisfied, with a smirk on his face. Like he discovered some top secret or something or busted some crime mastermind or.... Observant little Eduardo thought they were clandestine meetings to discuss government secrets. It turned out that he was actually -ahem- having an affair with dear old prim Mrs. Prudence. He realised later, not without some disgust, that that smirk, was lecherously so, not cos he saved the world or anything.

Eduardo dug into his thoughts, how did the principal found out about their affair? Oh yeah, he was caught red handed (Literally, he smeared red paint all over her -ooof, he was going for dirty that time!-) by the gym teacher. The gym teacher (can't remember his name) was decent enough to wait for them to finish climaxing, before running to get his video camera inform the principal. Of course, the shameful couple was fired on the spot. "Heh, who knew Physics and Art could get along so well huh?" That was the standing joke in the school for a long long time...

But who's having the last laugh now huh? He thought with pleasure. Now, his trouble causing visualization was his source of income. Equipped with his imagination, he went on to write dozens of novels, all with different extents of morbidness, all critically acclaimed best sellers. He didn't even have to go to college, he started with his first paperback right after graduation. Innocent and wide-eyed, he was rejected by a few unappreciative publications (Dumb asses, they were too near sighted to see my potential, thought that Malaysian readers weren't "ready" for my level of grotesque-ness yet..what the fuck was that supposed to mean?) but his story was snatched by one and the rest was history. Fresh and gruesomely interesting, his novels were widely published and promoted. Very soon, the big bucks came in.

Thud! Creeeak....

Snapped back into reality, Eduardo was wondering whether it wasn't his imagination after all.
Oh my God! A burglar! A real one!
His mind swirled with scenarios of his death. He was, after all a writer.

Before he had time to react, the shadow at the corner of his eye moved swiftly towards him. Eduardo heard water dripping from the assailant's hat, its crash to the floor muffled by the carpet. For a second, just a second, his ears were tuned to those drips and the sound of the assailant's boots against the floor.

Eduardo turned around to face him, gasping in horror at the same time. It was not a face that stared back at him, but a thing with ghastly sunken grey eyes, sallow cheeks, with flesh slipping off its forehead and jaw, revealing more decaying flesh infested with fat pulsating worms, no nose was present, not even an orifice. It was a corpse. No, a zombie.

Its mouth pulled back into a malicious grin. Eduardo could smell its putrid stench getting stronger and stronger. He was frightened, but captivated at the same time, staring at the thing that resembled creatures he sometimes wrote about, only this time... it was real. It actually exists. Feeling nauseous and light headed, he tried to run but unsurprisingly his feet were rooted to the ground, just like in nightmares.

That's it. This must be a dream! I must have fell asleep! Come on.... wake up now...! he convinced himself fervently.

Barely inches away now... the figure reached out for Eduardo. He shut his eyes tightly, preparing to face his death. Tata world, tata Helena.... dear Helena..

Suddenly.... a thought came to him. His eyes opened.

'Wow! I have an idea for a new book!' he exclaimed to well, either himself or that thing reaching out for him.

Crouching behind the bureau, hidden within the shadows, a woman rolled her eyes and sighed, 'Eduardo, once a writer, always a writer....'

(To be continued......*)


*depends on mood

Chinese New Year: the Belly Rules

Hey ho hey ho, once again CNY is just around the corner, families get together, young adults get pestered with 'so when are you getting married ar?' questions by throngs of unrecognisable aunties (luckily not my time yet), decorations will be put up, everybody gets fat n 'prosperous'......

aaahhh.... the vibe of CNY..... ba guas n delicious cookies AND of course, ang pows! The reason we (singles) endure carrying our asses ponderously to relatives' houses, trying hard not to yawn every other sec due to lack of oxygen caused by cramped conditions. Hey I have an idea, in lieu of actually visiting you guys (relatives), why don't you mail your ang pows to us? Great idea right? We don't hafta tolerate each other's existence n all that... k thx a lot.

Sigh, not really in the mood, but then again when am I ever in the mood for ath? Looks like I'm detesting every single sec I'm alive. Save for the times when I read n draw. That's probably my therapy.

Let's see, what else is CNY abt? Apart from the cliche family reunion, it's synonymous with stuffing urself silly with endless supplies of mandarins until u finally can't stand the sight of ath orange. It's also abt getting new clothes, in ur bid to look resplendent for the new year. Or rather in my bros' case, my mom forcing new clothes on them even though they're already working n fully capable of managing their wardrobes cos she can't stand their 'I don't need new clothes' policies. She's retired n on pension n nigh on being broke, but she absolutely cannot accept that her children don't have at least a couple of new attires to welcome the new year in.

Mmmm..... dried meat, those orgasm inducing pieces of oily, greasy delicacies! Among the things that I look forward to. Ignore my distended belly I shall, during my search of temporary levity in mouth watering comestibles (I like that word, so posh!).

Let's not be remiss of the horrors of CNY too, people. Atrocious CNY songs blasting through your grey matter, threatening to sweep a wave of nausea over you, resulting in regurgitation of your savored cookies n frizzy drinks, tsk tsk such unmitigated waste. Okay, maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration. But really, we don't need more CNY CDs that are bought n played once a year, then stashed away into oblivion like somebody's forgotten hidden porn stash. And the cycle repeats itself year after year.

Neither must we forget abt those rituals n prayers the older generation put us through, praying to what what what god, burning incense n yuen bou, as if the air ain't polluted enough! Hello, global warming people?! Haven't it been scorching enough already?! Quite a waste of money, resources n ozone layer don't you think?

Oooo... firecrackers! I must say, nowadays other races play as much fireworks as Chinese people do, if not more. I wonder where the hell do my neighbours get them huh? Without firecrackers, CNY would be much much more silent, it would become a 'laconic festival' (made that up, doesn't really make sense). Though, once again, it contributes to air pollution? Can you say.... utter decadence, people? Perhaps festivals are just a chance to throw away our conscience n whatever scruples we have toward the environment, a chance to say 'fuck you, Mother Nature!' ? But then again do we mankind have any guilt left in us?

Oh for God's sake I was beginning to sound like some soppy environmentalist, I totally need to get a life.

Key word for CNY: overindulgence.

Rants of a Menstruating Whale

Feeling like a whale. But can't be arsed to do ath abt it cos I'm having my period and letting myself go. So here I am, home alone and looking pregnant. Was reading a book but took this hard-to-come-by opportunity to amuse my readers (me) once again.

It's already freaking Feb now. Can u believe it? SPM results coming out in March. That's like, a blink away. I wasn't terrified by the thought of going to college, furthering my studies and all that shit. But all of a sudden, I feel like I can totally freak out. Imagine, I'm getting my results real soon! And I'm not too optimistic abt them either. What if I fail my Chinese? OMG... cannot face my tuition teacher liao... I'm at lost at what to do, was just taking it day by day, chilling, and BAM! (Reality always hits me hard. Always.) Wake up girl! You have to start thinking abt your freaking future! You know? Future?

Anyway, that day I got 15 books at the price of around RM60. What a bargain! An average of RM4 per book! You kidding me? Of course, they were 2nd hand books from Pay Less Books' stock clearance, but still damn cheap right??? Btw, was looking for some chick lit instead of the usual thrillers but couldn't find them cos maybe I didn't look thoroughly enough or during those ancient times, chick lit just wasn't popular. Heaps of books, loads of them quite antique, I must say. In the end, ended up with more thrillers than other genres. That was also partly bcos there were lots of Michael Crichton novels... I'm gonna try to finish all of them b4 getting my cataclysmic results *cringe*.

Previously, I was kinda happy with the idea of going to college, not really bcos of the education n for the sake of pertaining sagacity, but bcos of the prospects of meeting new friends, shedding this cold blooded shell I've been wearing. Seriously, I don't actually keep in touch with any of my friends, no initiating phone calls, or MSN whatsoever. Mainly, it's precipitated by my loathe of telephone conversations. I just have no idea what to say sometimes, so there are long moments of awkward silences (u can almost hear the crickets serenading), awful segues, and less than hearty laughter trying to fill in those gaps.

Ugh, how I hate my atrocious communication skills. That's why I don't call my friends voluntarily or without ulterior motives just to chit-chat. I just don't do chit-chat on the phone. The longest I can hold.. maybe an hour? That's when the long uncomfortable silences finally catches on and my friend obliges to hang up. Mostly, it would be them calling me to go out or whatever. AND, my lazy arse even turns down their kind offers when I feel too malas to go out (ugh, have to figure out what to wear, don't wanna look too shabby ma... transport n so on n so on). When I'm not in the mood, just have to cook up some lousy excuse lor.

Geez, no wonder my social life is as exciting as a sloth's. I am the epitome of anti social-ness.

Digressing, yesterday I felt like cutting open my uterus and ending it once and for all. OMG, the pain was unbearable okay, it was gnawing n refusing to go away. Thank God for Panadol Menstrual. My hair was totally matted with sweat n I felt like puking. The worst is that bcos it's internal, u can't really do ath abt it, n the idea of ripping open ur uterus is really tempting. Dahlah I woke up with my panties stained n needed to wash it myself, dahlah my tummy ached n I crapped till my legs wobbled, I didn't even have the energy to wash my hands after doing my business (can u say, ew?) n ran straight to my bed in my shirt n panties. I just wanted to pass out.

But oh Lord the pain was relentless, I had to put on my shorts, crawl down the stairs n tried to find those life-saving bright pink Panadols in the fridge. Alas, I found that I was too weak n gasping for air with my dry mouth. Really one okay, no exaggeration one... So I crashed on the stairs, moaning like a pathetic lil puppy. Then I had no choice but to call for my bro's rescue, but that bugger only responded after 3 tries. Ignore me la, next time I pengsan n knock my head see how u can handle that. Anyway, after rummaging through the fridge, failing to find the pills, phoning mum to find out its location n finally procuring those evasive pills (meanwhile I was in the fetal position n on the brink of tears), he came with a cup of warm water n those oh-thank-God-they-exist pills. Then I slept. On the stairs. Just like how a sad lil puppy would. But only for a few mins, I think. When I woke up, the pain was gone! I was like 'Hallelujah!' So I went to a chair n slept. The whole episode was totally draining ok. I thought I had my worst episode, but YESTERDAY.. oh yesterday definitely was wayyy worse.

Sigh, what have I done to deserve being female? *cries*

Oh ya, I made a post SPM to-do list right? And what have I accomplished? SIGH. There's no bigger disappointment than disappointing urself. Out of the list, I read- check, I drew... but only a lil still have loads of personal projects I haven't started on. And that's it. Did I customize my template? Nooooo.... did I roller blade? Nooooooo.... did I work out? NOOOOOO.....

Sigh. Please. This is depressing me. I've gotta stop. And they say blogging's supposed to be fun, therapeutic. Where the heck did they get that idea?

Get Well Soon

Er, hi people. I know that my only reader is myself, but I don't care, I still wanna act all important and all that. Sorry for not blogging for so long, I know you all crave for my updates and launch into withdrawal symptoms after just 1 day without any, so I'm veli veli the sorry lor. I hope you all get well soon.

Pffffttt.... hhyeah right. Anyway, I don't have much things to say coherently (as usual). I just had this thought, if only people are self-reliant enough to sustain their OWN happiness, instead of living their life trying to make other people happy, then everyone can be happy and the world would be a better place the end. Just, be selfish and live life the way you want to and if people have a problem with that, it's their own pathetic issue. If they want to get so worked up over YOUR life, YOUR ways, then so be it. To hell with them. The only person suffering would be them.

Why do you need to care so much about how other people feel? Why ask: 'but what would other people say?' or the more cliche 'what would the neighbours think?' Why? Do whatever that makes YOU happy, and if they can't be happy themselves but wanna butt in other people's business and live vicariously through them, it's their own freaking problem, man. Just think about it, make YOURSELF happy. You live for no one but yourself. Why can't people see that? Stop trying to impress them. Stop trying to make them happy. Are you happy? That's what's important.

If only everyone is capable of making themselves happy, then everyone can be happy once and for all. Unless of course succumbing to other's requests and expectations make you happy, then go for it. It would be a win-win situation. Or if telling other people what to do with their lives makes you happy, then you need to use that energy to reflect on yourself. Are you the best that you can be? If not, why expect others to be so? Either that, or you need to get a new hobby.

Of course, don't do illegal activities to make yourself happy n all that. Well, you get the drift. I'm saying this in case someone stumbles upon my blog and reads this and start kamikaze-ing bcos that's what make him/her happy, and then I'll get sued when authorities trace back to me, and maybe even get sentenced to death.

HHhhhhyeaaaaahhh right. Like anyone's gonna read this crap. Writing a disclaimer of some sort just makes me feel read, that's all. Like people will actually come here, read this , feel offended and start flaming me.

Oh-kaaayyy... enough daydreaming.

Digressing, I've been feeling horny these few days. I think, inside me, there's just a horny bitch waiting to burst out. Ok, maybe it's my horny period prior to my period (is this considered punny?) OMG, I've actually fantasized about Wentworth Miller. He. Is. SO. Hot. *sizzles*

But... but... there are rumors about his being gay! Oh My Godddd!!! How the hell can this be??!! If it's true, then it's the biggest injustice to ever EVER happen on Earth!! Why the hell can someone so so soooo freaking spicy be gay?? Why?? Is God trying to taunt us ladies?

*sob* If he's gay, then I definitely have no reason to live anymore. Please, I hope the rumors aren't true!!!!!! *cross fingers x 1000* If he's not gay, then I'll go get a boob job so he'll have sth to knead when I kidnap him. Muaahaahaha... *drools*

There's nothing like the ramblings of a horny teen huh? Don't you just, like adore me? Yeah, I know!

HP and the Half-Blood Prince

yoohoo people (which is equivalent to me, myself and I).... just finished HP and the Half-Blood Prince. I must say, half way through the book, I was thinking, nothing interesting has really happened.... but I ploughed on, hoping fervently, for sth to catch my attention. But just like that, the book has ended. It feels like some sort of a filler book, just like those perpetual fillers of Naruto (OMG, how much longer are they gonna continue?) I mean sure, Dumbledore died and all that, but even his death was hardly ath, hardly.... remarkable... for the lack of a better term. And then there was his funeral and 'fin'. The End. Just like that. I can't help but feel cheated, you know?

Ok, maybe it was bcos I knew some of the story line beforehand, and it's getting increasingly hard to evoke any emotions through reading lately. My fave HP book is still, and I think will remain to be, HP and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Dunno why, I just liked it very much, and I even read it twice *beams* (I rarely read a book more than once ok) And I liked Sirius, that when he died, I was quite shocked. Unlike when Dumbledore died, there was significantly less shock and grief. Heck, the most unsettling aspect of this book was probably Ron 'snogging' incessantly (kissing) and getting together with Lavender Brown. Hehe, wonder if the movie will show all that? Looking forward to it.....

Maybe J.K. Rowling's 'losing her touch'? As critics would say... or maybe it's just that readers are expecting more and more from her, hence higher the expectations bigger the disappointment? I really hope that the last book will be worth my time, and please, for God's sake, don't kill off Harry! What would the whole point be then? To pore over those last six books? Of course we would want Harry to prevail! Or some would say, this book is just to prepare the readers for the 'final battle' or sth like that, cos nearing the end, she keeps going on abt Harry and his dark battle ahead, she and her ominous reminders. Sigh, filler book la.... that's how I feel.

Ok la, that's it abt HP and the Half-Blood Prince.