Monday, December 11, 2006

Digital Fortress and The Host

Digital Fortress
So, yesterday I finished Dan Brown's "Digital Fortress". It was good. As all Dan Brown's books are. Now I'm just lacking "Deception Point" and I'll be a full fledged Dan Brown fan. Well, there were a lot subplots which kinda got into the way but were nonetheless important for the buildup. Am I contradicting myself here? Whatever. Still, "Angels and Demons" is my favourite. I've probably forgotten most of the plot by now, but I remember that I loved it.

The climax was riveting, but kinda anti-climax. See, they needed this pass-key, well kill-code actually to neutralize a worm destroying their (NSA, National Security Agent) security filters. And the clue was "the prime difference between the elements responsible for Hiroshima and Nagasaki" if I'm not wrong. Someone figured out it was chemical elements, instead of socio-political ones those people kept thinking of. Oh, I missed out that they entered the wrong kill-code once and it accelerated the attack, so things were pretty hectic and chaotic. So, chemical elements. First, they thought it was plutonium and uranium, which was actually a misconception.

As a matter of fact, they were both uranium, but isotopes. They were racking their brains trying to find the "prime difference". And I was sitting on my static ass thinking,

'wtf? they're freaking isotopes! The most obvious freaking difference of course is their nombor nukleon la! Nombor nukleon damnit! And you call yourself freaking geniuses?! Do you even know what isotopes are?'

And the likes, cos I was kinda pissed at their imbecility. Turns out, I was freaking right after all. They were U-238 and U-235, hence the kill-code was 3. *heaves a content sigh* It's good to know that one is better in saving the world than fictional geniuses. Those two years of education weren't for nothing after all. Hehehehehe..... syok sendiri betul. So yeah, that was too easy and predictable. Some other stuff were predictable too, like you know that the initial good guy would turn out to be guilty after all, because come on, it's Dan Brown you oaf. That's what happened at "Da Vinci Code" and "Angels and Demons" too. It was a good read nonetheless.

I'm sure it would be exciting for non Science students. Hehehehee.... just let me bask in the warmth of my own glory for a while.... Yea yea, I know I should cut those fictional characters some slack, because 'they're geniuses for God's sake, surely their minds wont be as simple as yours?' Ugh, What. Ever. Let me syok sendiri also cannot wor.

The Host
And, I watched "The Host". Not in the cinema, but in the petty confinement of my home. My bro downloaded it, so sue him. Firstly, there was a pretty lousy excuse to contaminate the Han River. The American was not fond of dust, and there were thick layers of them on loads of bottles containing toxic chemicals, so he just asked the Korean to dump them.
The Korean exclaimed," but they will go into the Han River"
and the exasperated American said sth stupid like," Look, the Han River is very broad..... so let's try to be broad-minded here"
Jesus Christ, who comes up with these shit?

6 years later, there's this humongous, hideous, voracious, mutated tadpole terrorizing the place. Which is pretty good at gymnastics, I might add. You'll know when you watch it. This monster abducted Hyun-Seo (if I remember correctly), leaving her family to think that she's dead. But, her father receives her phone call, saying that she's in a huge sewer. Hence starts their journey to rescue her. There were a couple of frightening moments, but only a couple.

And moments which will leave you dumbfounded, like the one where Hyun-Seo suddenly appears out of thin air when her family was having dinner, and they just kept quiet and fed her one by one. It's like 'Is it a message? Is it supposed to tell us sth? Or is the director trying to play with our minds?'

In the end, of course the monster's dead, Hyun-Seo's dead too, her grandfather died as well, her father appears to be alive, but.. you're not so sure anymore, maybe he's in heaven? Whatever.

My verdict is, just download it and watch la, not really worth RM10. Go watch Happy Feet or sth.

Friday, December 08, 2006

Book Review

From my list, I have only managed to accomplish one thing - read. Yesterday, I finished "The Curious Incident of the Dog In the Night-Time" by Mark Haddon. Cant believe it took me two whole days to finish it. It's only 226 pages. I'm a slow reader la.

Anyway, it was a book written from an autistic 15-year-old's perspective. I read good reviews about it, thus I decided to get it. And, I learnt some things from it too. There was the Monty Hall question, the homunculus, and er other stuffs la, I have a bad memory, k? So the main thing to be learnt from the book is what actually goes on in an autistic person's mind. With his "superbly logical mind", Christopher really sees everything literally. That's why he doesn't really get jokes or humour. Oh my, imagine a life devoid of laughter. How can??!

The book starts with Christopher finding his neighbour's (Mrs. Shears) dog, Wellington stabbed by a pitchfork in his neighbour's garden. Hence, he decided to "play detective" and find out who's the killer. He records the process in the book, which was supposed to be a murder mystery novel. But in sleuthing around, he discovers that his Mother was still alive (he was told she died of a heart attack), she had an affair with Mr Shears, and is now living in London. AND, who killed Wellington. Okay, maybe that was a lot of spoilers. But who cares, nobody's reading anyway. And that is why, boys and girls, I'll totally fail at book reviews.

Well, I kinda pitied Christ's father too, cos it's evident that he loves his son A LOT, but since admitting that he killed Wellington (tadaa!) Christ ran away to London to live with his mother, is completely terrified of him and refuses to speak with him even when they are in the same house. That must hurt a lot. But in the end, things looked up just a little. That little was just enough to assure that things would eventually be better between father and son.

I didn't actually cry while reading this book, but just cos it's really hard to make me cry through books. That was a totally redundant sentence, so ignore it. I would say, get this book even if it's RM30+. It would bring some understanding towards autism, why they react the way they do and you may even discover some facts you've never come across before. Plus, there's not much big a difference between human and computers.

Conclusion, this book was easy to read since I didn't have to check the dictionary every few minutes. And I can't believe I took two days to finish it. This was a crappy review brought to you by yours truly.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Things I Wanna Do After SPM

1. Draw

2. Read (devour novels)

3. Rollerblade (at least try to, I swear my skates have cobwebs in them)

4. Work out and acquire Gwen Stefani abs (pffffttt... like THAT'S gonna happen)

5. Pamper myself in all ways possible

6. Catch up with all the TV shows I've missed

7. Customize my template

8. Search for a long lost friend

Er, that's pretty much all I can think of right now.

Shit, I really should be studying.

Edit: OMG totally can't concentrate can die. Just think of it, in a few hours time, all these shit will finally be over!!! OH GODDDDDDDDDDDD!!!! I'm too hyper right now. And I truly think that I'm gonna flunk my Bio. Oh well...

Friday, December 01, 2006

Whatever III

*gaspppp!!* A mosquito bit me in my lip! Yes, in my lip. It wasn't outside, now my lower lip is swollen. My mouth must have been gaping when I napped. Stupid mosquito! I'm always bit in the weirdest places. When I woke up, one bigass bite was on my left cheek too. *grumble grumble grumble*

Sigh, yeah, a mosquito bite is probably the most exciting thing in my life right now. What a freaking loser.

But then hor, just now I also had a weird dream. The kindergarten I went to held a gathering of some sort. I reckon it was exam related cos we were all in our uniform, or maybe every dream I have these days are school related. Whatever.

The weird thing was, the people there were not ex-kindergarten mates. Not even one of them was supposed to be there. And my friend, who was supposed to, was not seen.

Ok la, that sounded so lame. Lately a lot of dreams have involved school. Most of my dreams are disturbing, but at least this one was only weird, not disturbingly so. And I woke up when my lip began to itch. I wish there's someone to decipher my dreams, who can be at my side when I sleep, so when I jolt awake with a dream fresh in my mind, he/she can analyse it for me. Yeah, I wish.

Again, I am fully aware that I'm ridiculously lame. But I can contradict myself sometimes, I'm narcissistic about my looks (well, bcos I'm simply ravishing *cough cough*) but self deprecating about other aspects simultaneously. Like, about my lack of personality, lack of wit, lack of leadership skills, diminutive grey matter... well these things are as important, if not more, than looks. And having above average (*cough cough*) looks just doesn't balance my deficiencies. I just can't help but wallow in self-hatred sometimes.

End rant.

People! There's only one more day of SPM to go!!!! My worst Science subject of all times...... Biology!!!! Technically there's only memorising to do, no calculations (actually got a few), no ass cracking formula, so should be easy right?

WRONG. Ugh I just hate it. I hate hate hate it. Tell me, how to finish two years' syllabus in two days?? I think I have forgotten all that I've revised before exam, so much for preparing early. Dad, as badly as you want me to be a doctor, I swear I'm never EVER EVER gonna be one. I fear that my brain will explode in overload.

Seriously, I'm not too optimistic abt how I've fared so far. What happened to "I don't care, I don't wanna care"?? Bitch, I do care I do care! Everybody does. It's either care less or care more.

Possible non-A subjects:
Biology (haven't took, but seeing how the other 2 have been...)
History (almost sure die liao)
Pendidikan Moral (the world's most pointless, useless, redundant subject. Well, aside from History)
Chinese (gosh, I hope I didn't steer off topic! I sure as hell hope I didn't *gasp* FAIL! ARGHGHGH!)
and all the others

The mentioned six have more chances of flunking, I think.

One more day of exam to go!!!! And then it's liberation!!!

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Whatever II

Two more days of exam to go!! Woot!!! After what seemed like forever....

Physics and Chem were well, hell. And I thought my Chem sure A already. Pfffttttt... yeaaaahh rite. I'm totally hopeless without exam tips. Not tips, but soalan yang dibocor-bocorkan until dunno how. Trial was like that. No wonder I got 90+ for Chem. And people think I'm so smart. Nyahahahahahaha..... Today my friend was also murdered in the exam and she asked if I knew how to do, since I blatantly said 'No' she was kinda relieved cos if I also dunno how to do, then it's OK. Noooooo.... I'm not that geng AT ALL..... sorry la if I gave you false hopes. Futher shows that I'm just not into Science. I'm just a dumbass who once thought that she actually liked it. That was Form 3 la.. but who didn't like Science when it was just ONE subject right? Right??

Yes, I know I'm whiny and boring and dull, but my family is made up of whiners, so just cut me some slack here k? Again, I think it's the house's feng shui.

Crappy mood. Probably PMS. Noooo.... so soon?

Tuesday, November 28, 2006


wham bham kapow my ass. This exam seems to be going on foreverrrrr....

but the worst is yet to come, tomorrow is Physics, all freaking 3 papers. These few days are gonna be uber tiring.

No chance to blog cos either too tired or the coast wasn't clear.

Must hang in there. 4 more subjects only!!!! 10 more papers only!!!! 4 more exam days only!!! woot!

Friday, November 17, 2006

Exam Day 2 & 3

Prinsip Perakaunan was okay, I guess. If no major mistake, hopefully can get A1 lor.

I was more nervous yesterday than the day before, cos you know, I've never actually sat for an Accounts exam before. My being a Science student and all. I thought I was jittery, but heck my friends were sweating profusely, they said.

So, like that lor. Nothing much to say.

p/s: I wish I can think of more interesting titles...

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Exam Day 1

Countdown: 11 more days of exam to go.

Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.

So here's the thing. I'm a risk taker during essay papers. Well, actually the truth is there was one obvious choice, but I couldn't think of sufficient points, so... I chose the appalling-nobody-should-write question (or so they say). It was quite natural for me to do that, because I always choose stupid questions like these. Risk taker, you see. (yeahhh rite) Sometimes it reaps good results, sometimes it doesn't. Therein lies the risk.

Now, the nagging question of whether I went off topic. It's reaaaaally easy to do that, I think. Therein lies the stupidity of choosing that question. Therefore, I'll appear as a genius or one heck of a dumbass to the examiner's eye. Let's hope it's the former. Let's pray that the risk pays off. *cross fingers cross fingers cross fingers*

Oh dear God, if You exist, I hope that You make my examiner's mood very very very good on the day he/she marks my essay. That's all I ask for. Pleaseeeee... pretty pleaseeeee...

The thing is, it didn't seem that big a risk during examination. But in retrospect, I could have flew off topic on a freaking rocket. Sigh. Must be optimistic ehhhhhhh.... damn those people who "put my lang sui"

What happened to the I-don't-care attitude you ask, well as much as I don't wanna care I still don't wanna fail ma... the kiasu attitude still resides within me, because I'm a typical Chinese hehe. Cos if really steered off topic, then surely cannot get high marks or even worse *gasp* FAIL!

Let's pray again, that the examiner sees the genuineness of my writing, appreciates the conversational prose, is grateful for the change of topic and gives me an A+ on first impression. (macam my essay very superior liddat)

But still, I don't wanna get my hopes too high.

Oh God, help me pleaseeeee...

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Pre Exam Insanity (PEI)


It's one/uno/1/yi/yat/satu day before exam!!

I'm soooooooo excited! Not. But yes, I am! Not. Actually, I'm not quite sure how I'm feeling right now.

I don't think I've done enough, I don't think I'm fully armoured for battle....

But heck, just bring it on!

After the first paper, it will wham! bam! kapow! done! Exam's over!!! Let's celebrate!

Nyahahaahaahahahaahahahahahahaaha.... or at least that's what I expect.

Let's see, hmm.. no, I'm not fully prepared for Prinsip Perakaunan or BM or Chemistry or Biology or Sejafuckingrah......

Wtf? What am I prepared for anyway?!!

Whatever la. To see if I really deserve an A1, it shouldn't be cos of last minute, midnight oil burning, eleventh hour studying right? Right? That means, I've gotta abstain from all reference books and text books during exam period to see what I'm really made of.

Nyahahahahahaahahahahahhaha... I think I'm going crazy. Completely cuckoo.

p/s: This is a stupid post. IF sometime in the future I chance upon this post, and my results turn out crappy, I'll surely be filled with regrets. Cos I'll find out that I was wasting time being loony and blogging. And I wasn't armed with any knowledge AT ALL.

But still, my oh-so-beloved-future-self, you're the most gorgeous being ever born on this Earth. Your responsibility is to save the universe from all of its ugliness and impurities. Yes, rock on, baby.

OMG I AM crazy.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Trying to be Poetic

Frustration consuming every freaking fibre of my being.....
I cannot take this any longer....
End it for me....
I think I'm going crazy....
Every single day my head feels so empty yet so heavy....
Like its concentrated but when I dig in nothing's there....
Just wanna scream my lungs out....
Everything's heavy, my heart, my breathing.....
I can't go on any longer....
Just. End it for me...

Can this actually qualify as a poem? Cos you know, poems don't actually have a format (or do they?) and you can string a few words together and voila! You're a poet!

Yadda yadda yadda.....yak yak yak... (softer and softer)

Whatever. Nobody listens anyway.

Yesterday, or rather this morning, I left out my fifth random thought.

In my opinion, my family is somewhat dysfunctional. In this house where everybody's grumpy all the time, where no one actually show that they care, I cant help but feel the abnormality in this otherwise "normal" family. Somehow, I feel that we're a bunch of misfits. Or maybe it's just me. And this... this house, perhaps the feng shui's not good or sth like that, everytime I step into this house, my mood turns bad. Almost instantly. Even before I put my foot into it. It's like,
at school: good mood
in the car: good mood
reaching the house: good mood
reached house, still in the car: good mood
in front of house grill: instant change to @#@%#^$ mood, dark clouds hover above head

I've no idea why this happens. Probably caused by the gust of negative energy from my house. That's why everybody's so grumpy all the time. That's why it's so depressing in here. Or maybe it's just me.

Random Thoughts

I want to rant I want to rant I want to rant.

I've gotta get all these thoughts out of my system or else I just can't/wont concentrate.

Dear freaking bloggie,

I dislocated my patela or kneecap or sth today! Man, I really felt sth shifted and pain ensued. It was more painful when I bent my leg so I just sat there, not really knowing what to do. I thought of straightening it really fast, like in the movies where you go 'crick crack!' and the job's done. But then I'm a coward. I was scared that my legs would fly off or my tibia would pop out...

So there I was bloggie, feeling oh-so-helpless. Scenes of my taking SPM in the hospital appeared in my head. Damn knee, sth has always been wrong with my right knee, it was my creaking knee. Probably the result of squatting in the toilet. I was trying to stay calm, and brave, so I waited for my mother to come down to maybe bring me to her chiropractor.

In the midst of breaking down, I said to my bro,"sth dislocated!" Well he looked concerned for a while bloggie, but that bugger didn't believe me when he saw that I was holding on to my knee! What he said was,"tch, can dislocate one meh?" WTF? I'm like, asking for your help here and you dismiss me like that? And he went on with his business... man, NOBODY takes me seriously in this house...

Now I'm thinking, if only it were more obvious, like sth sticking out at a weird angle or ath like that, not only would it be cool, people would actually believe me. Frightening and traumatising, yes, but still COOL.....

OK OK.... so in the end I straightened my leg slowly and it just moved back in place. Really! I felt it move! Phew! Luckily no surgery was required!

Message of the story: I'm nothing but a speck of dust to my family.

I've been not wanting to care abt future SPM results but seeing how much my friends have been panicking, I sorta feel guilty for not caring... And my friends, they have plans of what to do after SPM, what to study and all that... but me? I feel like such a loser. Bleah.

Not to say I've given up but, I just want this whole ordeal to be over and done with. The freaking AGONYYYY! Actually I think the most torturous days are the few before the exam, where D-Day seems so close yet so far. There's the worries, there's the fumbling, there's the blanking out. And there's some sort of anticipation. For all this to be over. OMG AAAAAgony!!! ('A' must be said as if you're constipated)

And... and thatstupiduselesspatheticexcuseforasubject Sejarah! ARGHHHH Driving me up the wall!! Sejarah is a worm that bores through your brain sadistically, turning mine into more of a mush than it already is... It brainwashes you! fklskdf;lskd;flk;sldkf;slkd;fsk (mouth foaming) FUCK SEJARAH! SEJARAH ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY SUCKSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!! Anyone who likes Sejarah are asswipes. Period.

I wanna say, stop caring so much people! If my results sucked, I'm pretty sure my parents would be more kan cheong than me, thus affecting me too, cos I'm so darn easily affected by their opinions and moods. Arghhh frus betul! I'm surrounded by all these people who... who... CARE! (for the lack of a better term)

I so wanna press the fast forward button right now. If only things were that easy...

Message of rant: Sejarah sucks the life out of you. Probably devised as a torture tool.

I envy pinkpau. Fuiyoh, that girl can write leh! Her posts are capable of evoking strong emotions, unlike mine which has a total readership of one, including me. Jealousy, envy, admiration all moulded into a sphere, resides in me every time I read her pretty pinkish blog.

I asked myself one day,"How do you know who you are?" It was one of my 'questions of life' moments. I mean, are there boundaries? Who sets the guidelines of who you can be? How do you actually discover yourself? How does one soul search? What does the phrase 'be yourself' actually mean? Since you have no idea who you are. There's no theory or principle of what you should become, right? If I put on a facade to get through the day, to deal with difficult people, it's still ME right? It's what I do. That's part of ME. Nobody is really one dimensional, right? No statements in black and white restricting what one's personality should be exists. People evolve, change through time, do they ever have an inkling on who they really are? Whatever that means.

Sigh. I'm not very good at expressing myself, am I? I realise that when I gouge out my innermost thoughts, they come out incoherent and don't make much sense. But they sure made sense when they were in my mind...

This is hard, man. It's not like I'm gonna 'discover myself' in a courier parcel from Hawaii. Maybe I'm just too young? Haven't experienced enough asam garam in my life? Yeah, maybe. When is this identity crisis phase gonna end anyway?

*Heaves a big sighhhhh.* Cis, I sigh too much.

Note to self: I'm hoping that in years to come, I'll still be blogging and I'll look back at my archives. I'm hoping that I'll cackle like a hyena when I read this one. Especially the one on Sejarah. I'm hoping that I'll mumble,"and to think that I was bothered by petty issues like these... so silly... and SPM? cis, 'wet wet water'!" *cackle cackle cackle*

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Time Capsule

Note: This time capsule is to be opened after SPM results have been taken.

Dear me,
So your results have been known eh? If it's good, then great! Go to a strip club and celebrate or sth! However, if it sucks big time or is below your expectation, then don't fret, I'm here to cheer you up.

Why am I here to cheer you up? Well, since you'll be ostracised by your own family and looked down upon by your peers, I'm the only person you've got, man. Yeah I know, how pathetic.

Firstly, you know you're gorgeous right? Come on, good looks can bring you anywhere! Yeah baby! Who needs results anyway? Burn that result slip and go pamper yourself!

Ok ok... on a more serious note, getting bad results is not the end of the world. Deal with it with 'ping seong sam'. Like that 'ming ju' you know? "hui shou xiang lai xiao se chu, gui qu, ye wu feng yu ye wu qing" or "shi fei cheng bai zhuan tou kong, qing shan yi jiu zai, xi yang ji du hong" you know? You can really learn from those. Don't let some crappy results define your intelligence or mere existence. Move on with life.

You can also console yourself by thinking, you were once a straight As student, so your having shit results will be very kembang-fying for other students, you are actually doing a good deed! Your good karma will eventually find you a good, loving, loaded husband, so yeah, there's no need to worry about your future.

Whatever your results are, remember that you still rock in your own way, k? Come on, say it out loud:" YOU RAWWWWKKKKK!!!" With more conviction, baby! YOU FREAKING RAWWWKKKKK!!!! WOOOOHH!!! (do the wave!)

Don't care what other people think, you see no evil, hear no evil. You must disregard every sucky opinion about you and only absorb the good ones. Ok, that may sound a tad too narcissistic. But hey, you're the one with the emotional turmoil! Stay with me here!

Listen to me! Don't go crying over spilt milk! That's just plain stupid! No 'what if's, ok? Although... sometimes you may ask yourself, "what if I had flat rock hard abs?" But I digress. When your parents nag you, just mute them, enough is enough. History shows that listening actually makes things worse.

Hey, I'm doing this for your own mental health ok? So you. better. do. as. I. say.


Thursday, November 02, 2006

The Joys of Camwhoring

These couple of days at school have been spent camwhoring! Wohoo! I have finally discovered the camwhore in me! Am I considered a late bloomer? I didn't realise that taking pics would be so fun, we did it for hours! This whole week was practically wasted....

Sunday, October 29, 2006


My house is being renovated and Oh My God the noise! I was woken up abruptly at around 9.30am. Which is wayyyy early for me. All those drilling, hammering, and god-knows-what-else, you know what kind of noise they emit right? Yeah, imagine that 100 times louder cos I was practically behind the walls that were violently enveloped by shock waves. It was like sleeping in an amplifier. Only worse. I could even feel the floor vibrating, damnit. Which ended up in my waking up with uncontrollable spasms. Ugh, the trauma.

Somehow, I'm just not quite comfortable with changes. I'm the kind of person that prefers settling in her comfort zone. Wouldn't it be great if we're SIMians and everything could be changed with just a click of the mouse?

The noise totally wrecked my mood to study. So this couple of days I've practically been slacking off. Hence, this renovation can be an excuse for my failure in the exams. Yeah right...

Friday, October 27, 2006

Blue Skies

Oh oh! The sky is soooo blue today! The sun is shining bright! Albeit just now it rained a lil... But it's still very tempting!

I feel I should be in a vast meadow somewhere, wearing some girly fluffy dress, prancing around in its lush greenness, chasing butterflies, giggling like an innocent schoolgirl (wait I AM a schoolgirl, but innocent? hmm..) ....

and sleeping on the soft green carpet when I get tired. Ahhh... that would be life!

Too bad, here I am stuck at home and dancing only in my mind. Pathetic betul.

Quote viewtru (about blue skies) :"A gift of nature, which many take for granted, fills my life with awesomeness."

Feeling Royal

My stomach was in pain, and I ran to upstairs toilet wondering who put laxative in my food (a common thought for me in times of an emergency like this). Sitting on the toilet seat doing my "soothing" business (it wasn't exactly soothing, I was in pain and I swear my anus was ripped open)... err, back to my point.

The artificial orange light (toilet light) and natural sunlight came together, casting multicolour streaks of light by the window. The unlikely camaraderie made the toilet look pristine, clean for a change. For a moment, I felt I was basking in the gentle sunlight.

I looked around, suddenly feeling quite tiny in the toilet. In my mind's eye, I was in a mansion or castle with the ceiling wayyy up high and intricate designs decorated it. There even hung a spectacular chandelier.

Wooh, I felt ROYAL. There I was, a royal descendant sitting on my royal throne doing my superior "royal business". The reflective floor caught my eye and I smiled. Who knew having diarrhoea would be so liberating, eh?

Thursday, October 26, 2006


Ooooooo... that day I had fun messing around with my template. It's equivalent to having a Barbie doll and loads of mini clothes, getting to mix and match to your heart's content. So much fun!!! But I don't think I did a very good job... since it was during the wee hours of morning and my conscience was nagging.

Yesterday, or rather today (around 3 am) I was spending my time drawing instead of studying. Great! Way to go! Wohoo! Sigh, when will I ever learn?

And before I slept, I kinda came to the conclusion that the only 1As I'm gonna get in SPM is for English, Modern Maths and Chemistry...

Cannot like that! Must be positive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, October 25, 2006


I feel like rambling today. I think I'm addicted to blog-hopping. Totally OBSESSED. I'm like, checking on blogs every single minute. Crossing my fingers and hoping that people will update. And when they don't, I click on random links on their site, just to find something interesting to read. Sheesh. Cannot like that..... must concentrate! Must study! Arghh... update la you people!!

I wish this restlessness will pass, fast. Is there any way to obtain 24-hour attentiveness? I'm so failing at studying my ass off. If my SPM results suck, I'll probably feel guilty and cry my ass off cos I know that I didn't try my best.

And OH MY GOD, I have cellu-freaking-lite! I'm like what, 16?! Only 16 and already have cellulite? What the heck! These ripples on my thighs were there before, I just chose to ignore it (probably in denial) But now, there's no point in running away from the truth anymore. It's horrifying! My sedentary lifestyle has taken its toll on my body. Next, I'm gonna discover that 95% of my arteries are clogged. Anytime now... anytime now...

After SPM, I have to get off my ass and exercise like there's no tomorrow! No more lame excuses! And boy do I have a huge ass or what! *peers at humongous blocks of grease behind* I'll have a hard time lugging my baggage to the front door, even. Sigh...

Must study! Must concentrate! Must study! Must concentrate! Must... study.... must.. concen... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Friday, October 20, 2006


Wednesday, I had my first encounter with a drunkard! The 4 of us went for lunch at Petaling Street. When we sat down, A sensed something was wrong at the next table. The guy kept on staring at C. I was the last one to know, as usual (cos I'm slow and unobservant liddat). So we moved closer together, as far away from him as possible.

And then he started ranting loudly:"You all don't have to be scared! I will protect you! I'm (insert sth) God! Hahahaha!" WTF ar... during our meal we were scared out of our shits and pissed in our pants. The latter is not true, of course. He asked:"Do you want to go to heaven with me? I'll bring you to heaven!" and other shits,"Study hard! I love you!" "I wont bring you to heaven, don't worry... I'll only bring those who betrayed me...." etc.

Luckily he wasn't violent. He was practically harmless. But still we were scared and C was grabbing my thigh relentlessly. Somehow, I had this faint urge to just punch him in the face or slap him senseless. "Get a grip on yourself! Stop bothering us!" If I were PMS-ing, my hormones surely would have drove me to do that. At the same time, I kinda pitied him. I was wondering what kind of turmoil did he experience.

He left before we finished our meal. He had a hand luggage with him. My friend, B said that he looked as if he was gonna commit suicide! When I thought abt it, yeah.. it pretty much looked like that right? And I linked it to that Spiderman comic strip when Peter Parker mistook someone else's bag for his. That guy wanted to commit suicide eh! Perhaps the drunkard had a newspaper in his luggage too? Just like in the comic strip!

Pffftt.. what am I rambling abt. This was probably my first encounter with a drunkard or anyone emotionally disturbed. BUT it really pales in comparison with other incidents our friends experienced. The same day at a cafe, they met a pervert who was staring and smiling at them lecherously while gyrating his groin! Or sth obscene like that la, I was not at the scene ma... The worst incident happened to another friend! Somebody flashed on the bus eh! Ewwwww... why are there so many pervs around? I'm lucky in the sense that I've never met one.. hey wait a min! I have!

I met a hamsup old ah pek twice! It was probably the same guy. The first time, he kinda walked past me and touched my hand from the elbow down. That time I thought it was just an accident, maybe he accidentally bumped into me liddat. But the second time! That sei hamsup lou tried to touch my thigh while walking past me again!! Fucker! It was only a light touch and the fucker really can walk fast! By the time I realised what had happened, he was already quite far away crossing the street! I looked back and realised in horror, OMG ah pek again! Must be the same jerk! What the hell does he do? Walk abt everyday preying on innocent schoolgirls? That's so sick and twisted! MCH! I hope he's already dead by now! Hmph!

Friday, October 13, 2006

I is a speck of dust

Lately, I don't know why but I've been feeling sentimental and all that. Yesterday, there I was on my bed trying to sleep. Then, I remembered a magazine article about ways to sharpen your mind. One of them was try to randomly choose a year and think back on any interesting events that happened, before going to bed. Ok, I thought, easy enough, let's try that.

So, I chose 6 years ago, when I was in Standard 5. Then I started to get all nostalgic, you know, because honestly Standard 5 was one of my best years, I guess. At least that's what I think. That year was a good year..... I was reminiscing on my admirers.... hahahaha.... damn, I was popular! Ok, end gloating. And then, MCH I went waaayyy back to kindergarten, and tried to remember anything during those years as well. That was totally uncalled for. Why the heck did I do that? The article only stated ONE year.

Sheesh. From kindergarten I went on to Std 1, 2, 3 and so on and so on. At least I TRIED to recall events, but seeing that I don't have a sharp memory... vague scenes just appeared in my (blank) head. Gosh, I realised that I was so totally freaking shy. That may have improved a lil bit over the years. But I'm still quite shy eh. Some events were hilarious, some embarassing, it was like a slideshow in my head.

I wished that I could start over. Numerous "If only"s pranced about in my head, teasing me endlessly. 'If only I was more daring' 'If only I wasn't so shy' 'If only I was a born leader' etc. And that was the moment that tears welled up in my eyes. The bitter-sour feeling deep down my throat lingered. But tears didn't flow. I was a bit confused. I didn't get why I felt like crying. It was just so sudden. I was like,"OMG, WTF, where did these tears come from?"

It was probably caused by regrets. Regrets that the whole 16 years of my life had been NOTHING. There were no precious memories, nothing worth mentioning at all. Like, what did I DO all those past years??! NOTHING!!

In the end, I felt like crap and lost maybe an hour of precious sleep. MCH that stupid article.

*This has been sitting as my draft for over a week now. Lost the mood to blog abt it liao.

Monday, September 25, 2006

The Worst Period of My Life

Of all the days and seconds to have my period, I must have it during my Bio paper? This has got to be the most cynical period I will ever have! The paper also had a question regarding the period cycle. Is this some kind of a sick joke or what? I was praying with every fibre of my being that it was only discharge... you know, after that feeling of sth gushing out from you-know-where.

Sigh. Had to wash my panties and eth... so troublesome! Anyway, I don't think I did very well. Oh well, more proof that I'm not doctor material! I was sweating profusely and simply wrote some gibberish, hoping that somehow I would get some sympathy marks. So pathetic, man. And my seat is so humid and freaking hot somemore, like sitting in a sauna room only...

I have this theory, right, that every group of studious girls have at least one guy member, a guy that prefers to mix with girls. This fella usually is considered the "Responsible One". At least more responsible and sensible that the other guys in the class. He would be dubbed a nerd/geek by the other guys. Some sort of an awkward position la. Actually, my bro is somewhat that kind of guy. His reason? Normal guys don't study... but he also has guy friends la, just that his girl friends outnumber them by a lot a lot. And, my class also has a guy like that. Which mixes with me and the other "nerdy" girls of my class (hinting that moi is a studious girl). Therefore, I came up with this lame conclusion. Kinda presumptuous and judgemental, I know. This is in my effort to sharpen my observation skills eh. Cos my observation sucks and all. That's totally why I have nothing to blog about.

"You suck!" (talking to myself)


Friday, September 22, 2006

Reality Sucks

Whoa it has been almost a month since my last post. 4 more days of trial left. Sigh. We have too freaking much subjects to study for. 11 freaking subjects,ok. And what pisses me off are those useless ones, like Moral, History, EST... Tell me, what the heck are those for? I don't understand those ppl who take as many subjects as they can. What's the freaking point man I ask you. (Ok la maybe I'm just being envious here)

And I'm finding myself less and less interested in Science. Perhaps I'm just not a Science person. Kinda like the black sheep of the family. I have NO IDEA what I wanna do after SPM, NO IDEA what I wanna be, NO IDEA what the hell am I yadda yadda yadda... A disturbing thought that occured to me a long time ago was I incapable of doing anything, except studying! I don't have any marketable skills or talent, making me useless like shit (heck, even shit has its uses), thus rendering me a lifetime of parasitic existence, sucking off all my parents' money till the end. OH MY GOD! And I don't even LIKE studying! OH. MY. FREAKING. GOD. Reality hit me hard. (Am I using God's name in vain here? Will I be sued for blasphemy? OMG)

See, my life is as interesting as a sloth's. Bleah.

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Rambling... Again

Actually I have nothing to blog about since well, no life and all. But quite long haven't blogged already so, fingers starting to itch. Another reason is because my mom and two bros are back. I can't be blogging in front of them right... that's a big no-no. NO ONE in my family can know that I'm blogging. NO ONE.

Sigh. What the heck am I rambling about. Must study. No time left. MUST STUDY..... Argh... I seem to have lost the will to study a long time ago. All I want to do is to read a good novel. Ahhhh... the good old days, good old days. I'm craving for that book, "Rape". Don't know why, I just wanna read it. Or maybe getting some chick-lit. I actually haven't read any chick-lit before... it'll probably be a nice change from thrillers.

Help. I want to read. Not reference books. Not text books. I want NOVELS, damnit.

*sob* :'(

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Wallet... Lost

I lost my freaking wallet yesterday! This is the second time I've lost my wallet. Sheesh. So annoying. I think it was left on the bus that I took to tuition. The first wallet was also lost this way! Damnit. (if I remember correctly)

I took it out to pay for the bus ticket and I think I forgot to put it back. Sigh. Why the hell am I so forgetful?? I have the memory of a goldfish. The worst part of it all is that wallet was my birthday present. IT WAS NEW. I only used for not more than a month. *sob* Give me back my pink wallet! And my money! The moolah inside! I think could be RM19 somewhere there. Sighhhhhhhhh....

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Going Crazy

My dad is driving me absofuckinglutely crazy. Every single fucking day, without fail he will nag on and on and on and on and on and on about studying, planning my studies, exam, no A no future blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.............


Every time he starts with the lecture, I just feel like stabbing myself again and again, just so he will stop. I just wanna shout "STOP IT! STOP IT!!!!!!!!! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!! LET ME GO!!!!! SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP!!!!!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He doesn't get how much pressure he is giving me right now. Every morning is torture cos it will be full of dread when he's fetching me to school. Every moment with him is stress cos fearing the moment he opens his mouth. Not a single second of TV is allowed. Again, he opens his mouth and says with his high-pitched annoying fucked up voice:"You still got time to watch tv ar?...." MY GOD. I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE. PLEASE. KILL ME. I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE OF THIS MENTAL TORMENT.

All the lecture DOES NOT HELP OK. It worsens things up. Why isn't he tired of repeating the same things again and again and again and again and again AND AGAIN! I'm so FUCKING sick of it!!!!!!!!!!

*bangs head at wall repeatedly*

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Filler Post

I have no life. As if that wasn't obvious enough. Or what little I have of it don't even deserve the title of "Life".

Man, I'm starting to resent Add Maths. It wasn't so bad until "Fungsi Trigonometri" (the horror!) @#$%! causing me to flunk my test. I HAVE NEVER FLUNKED MY ADD MATHS BEFORE, ok. But strangely, I felt nothing when I got my test paper. Hmm. So numb already.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Please Stop Pissing Me Off

The abundance of mosquitoes in my house is absurd! I'm having 4 bites on my right arm right now. Chee sin mosquitoes....

Yesterday, my father said that he thinks he's spoiling me too much, that I "NEVER DO ANYTHING". Oh, EXCUSE ME, who has been washing, hanging, folding the clothes, washing the dishes, washing YOUR smelly dirty socks, cleaning the table, taking out the rubbish?? Well, I guess it was me cos it certainly wasn't YOU! Oh, and what were you doing all that time? Sitting on your ass, that's what! Sheesh!!!! The atrocity! One day of washing his own car, changing the filter, cleaning the dishes (his own mess anyway, I purposely didn't wash so he would learn to clean up his own freaking mess), ironing and he blurts out that condescending remark. Like kena stabbed only! Bak kata pepatah,"kuman di seberang laut nampak, gajah di depan mata tak nampak" or sth like that la.

By the way, I could have ironed my own clothes ok. You the one beriy-iya wanna iron while I was napping. I was so darn pissed yesterday. Buat geram saja! *grits teeth* Sometimes I just wanna run around amok and slash anyone in sight. And lastly slash myself. One day I might just be pushed to do that. Sometimes really teetering on the brink of insanity.

Okay, maybe I don't do everything in the house, but saying that I "NEVER DO ANYTHING" is plain pissing me off ok. You want me to study and also want me to do all the chores? WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT FROM ME??!! I'm not a Supergirl!

Arghhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!! *slashs bunnies*
GAHHHHHHHH!!!!!*kicks some guy's groin*
RAWWWRRRRRRR!!!!!*bites off somebody's hand*
YEARGHHHHHHH!!!!!!*break rat's neck, squish rat's head*
AAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!*punches strangers' heads off*
HAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYA!*fly kicks anybody in sight*
NY..NYAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!*burns down neighbour's house*

Urgh. The people I'm living with can be so insulting sometimes.

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Mozzie Plague

OMG there are so many mosquitoes in my house. Aedes mosquitoes mind you. Zebra stripes and all. So scary. Yesterday two mosquitoes were sucking my blood side by side, after that countless mosquitoes kept on attacking me. There were of all sizes, man, from XS to XL. I couldn't even eat my dinner in peace. What the hell is wrong with my house? Is there some breeding ground that I don't know of? You have to experience it for yourself. It's like they were having some feeding frenzy. The whole community of mozzies decided the venue to be my house. For God-knows-what-reason. Only got two people leh. Sigh. Mosquitoes like me so so much.

Maybe I'll get dengue fever. Then no need to go to school. MUAHAHAHHAHA. Yeah, I'd rather contract a deadly disease than go to school. THAT'S how much my school sucks.

Am eating Nutrigen LITEYO (Light low fat yoghurt) right now. Stawberry flavour highly recommended. Just cos it has whole massive stawberries inside. Yum. Have yet to try other flavours.

I totally bore myself.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

"Blogging Again Ar?"

Now seem more free to blog cos weekdays home alone for a few hours... kekekeke...

Refering to the above title, that's what my dad asks when he sees me READING blogs or blog-hopping. WTF right.... he actually thinks that reading blogs = blogging. Where did he get that idea man. Everytime I hear him say that, I really want to roll my eyes to the back of my skull.

And then, his tone suggests that reading blogs like breaking some law like that. Sheesh. More eye rolling. Eh, at least I'm not surfing for porn ok. Things could be much worse.

Why doesn't he think: If blog reading = blogging, then what is the term for blog writing?

Argh. I'm rambling again.

Monday, August 07, 2006

I Must Mention....

...that my freaking pair of flip flops were stolen. Who the hell steals flip flops anyway? WHO'S CHILDHOOD WAS THAT DEPRIVED?? Well, it wasn't those Japanese slippers la, but black and a little decorated that kind. AND, it was new ok. I only wore it for 2 or 3 times. Then came back from school one day, it was Gone. Vanished. Disappeared into thin air. WTF? Now I don't have slippers to wear. Great. Stupid flip flop stealing asscrack.

...that a mouse was living in my drawer for God-knows-how-long. Imagine opening your drawer one day and seeing first, a seemingly used tissue paper, then an apple core. Ok, like that also never mind. I freaking thought a family member was that disgusting to leave an apple core inside my drawer. But then, BUT THEN, you see a whole lot of shit. Mouse shit. Those oval, black shit. I tell you, it was so disgusting that you would feel like taking a gun and shooting yourself there and then. Other than shit, there were also crushed dried bones. Ugh. God. How long has it been living in there?? That was one time. I cleaned my drawer, took mum's advice and put in some mothballs. Not long after that, opened drawer, MOUSE SHIT again. Plus some sunflower seeds. That stupid mouse cannot find better place to live in ar? Why my drawer? MY drawer? How did it get in anyway??? Now drawer taken out, all my stuff put somewhere else (not much since I threw most of them away... stupid mouse!!!!), and the mouse is still lurking around the house. It even ate some rat poison but this super-duper resilient mouse survives. Crazy.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Being Home Alone Males One Think Crap

Home alone again. Very mou liu eh. Actually, I can be doing more productive stuffs like, studying, but just plain lazy.

Aha! I was right about eating economy rice and my doing the chores. If my father is still a bachelor, his house would be a pig sty. And that would just be an understatement. Seriously don't know how he would survive. Dirty dishes everywhere, clothes and socks not washed, sticky dining table not cleaned and reeking with disgusting gravy from last year, dusty and sandy floor etc etc... Ugh. Sorry to say that sometimes, he really disgusts me. Probably had been too dependant on my mom all these years.

God, it's already August. So freaking fast! Without my knowing, the trial would arrive then bam! SPM! Force facts into brain, regurgitate, become brain bulimic, and then suddenly, finish SPM. Just like that. After that, don't know what to do... sigh, so fail, no ambition or should I say, "practical" ambition. I've thought of things like being a fashion designer, writer, open a bakery.... I want to do those stuffs but sure I worry if I'll earn money, if I have what it takes and all that. Maklumlah, typical Chinese ma. How???

Feeling so old yet immature at the same time. Old physically, immature mentally. What a bad combination. I DON'T HAVE A FREAKING PLAN FOR MY FUTURE!!!!!oneonesatuyiyatuno I'm not really keen on the idea of doing Form 6, but my parents most probably are. Then I think: must get superb results in SPM so can apply scholarship to go overseas and study. But then, I'm scared shit of all the interviews stuff. Cos I'm just not fond of those situations. I can see it now, my stuttering, blabbering nonsense or plain stoned, not understanding questions and staring wide-eyed at interviewee. SIGH.

One of the reasons I want to go overseas is to be independant. And break out of this shell of mine. Get to know more friends, be more outgoing, you know. If I'm forced into this totally alien environment, maybe I HAVE to do that, just to survive. That's my theory la. I want to experience life at another country, gain knowledge, broaden my perspective and all that. Then come back a different person, changed for the better ( I hope). If stay in Malaysia, I don't think I would change at all. I would still be this dull, quiet, shy, inept coward.

Maybe I'm just thinking too much. Am I being a worry wart???

This was another post brought to you by yours truly.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

You Blog I Blog

Yay.Monthly test over already. This was only a 3-day monthly test. But imagine, got fed up after 3 days only. Oi, trial how like that? SPM leh? Sei lorr... lousy attention span. But... I can finally read my novel!

I understand why some bloggers say that nowadays the good bloggers are all "veterans", where are all the new blood? Heck, I get bored reading my own blog. The problem is, the teenagers here really have nothing much to blog about. School, tuition, exam, stress, tuition, exam..... and that's pretty much about it. Well, my life at least. I know, I'm like THE boring-est person you could ever meet. And I discovered two schoolmates' blogs. Honestly, zzzzzzzzzzzzz..... nothing interesting lor. But oooh.. one of them writes poems! OMFG, I was like.. what the.. she LIKES to write poems!! I didn't even know her English was not too bad for a student from my school (sarcastic meh?) Ok lar, her English was OK . Well I guess I shouldn't judge her since we don't even know each other.
(Eh, I totally digressed... -_-)

Anyway, I was shocked that some schoolmate of mine write poems! Mindfucked! Baffled! Awestruck! Yeah, I totally look down upon my own alma mater. Who writes poems anyway? I thought those artsy fartsy people? Erm, weird people? eccentric ones? Geez.. you really should not judge a book by its cover, or a blog by its template whatever. I was flabbergasted cos she looked kinda normal ma... tell me, how many normal people you know write poems??!! Err, maybe I'm over reacting a little. Calm down..

Moving on, about the second last post, I have to admit something. I was wrong about my brother. Hehe... malu nak cakap ni.. he's not actually useless lar. See, parents gone to Australia so only two of us at home for a week. At first I thought: Sei lor... all the chores also I do la? Where got time to study for test like that? These unfounded worries were just that, unfounded. To my shockness, he stepped up and did pretty much everything. From the cooking, washing dishes, hanging clothes, ironing, to the vacumning and mopping floor. Fuyor~~ really make me gua mu xiang kan.... why suddenly can be so rajin 1? Aiya, feel guilty la like that, my uniform he also iron! A little unbelievable, man. But... at least I got wash my own dishes and shoes!

Reminder: Must not assume things. I totally thought that he would let me rot by myself besides being my chauffeur. Does thinking like this make me evil?? Bad girl! Now, I may look upon him with newfound respect. Will it be shortlived? Will he continue his slobby ways after he comes back from Australia? Hmm... lets wait and see eh. Oh yeah, he left just now for the airport. Dad coming back tonight. His turn to take care of me. kekekeke... and I'm gonna make one more assumption: I'm gonna have to eat economy rice from now on. Dad would be lazy to cook. Hah, this assumption should would be correct! And... and.... it would be my turn to do all the freaking chores. Luckily, test ended liao. But I wont be mopping the floor, vacumn maybe lar, mop.. lazy ler...

The good thing about my bro taking care of me is..... home-cooked meals everyday! Oooh my bro cooks! Not a bad chef either. (Chef? Chauffeur? Like really my employee....) Feeling a bit useless leh, need to be taken care of. Because I don't know how to cook lor.

Erm.. what else leh. Everytime also like that. Churn out crap, digress until don't know where, then 'brain juices' come to abrupt halt. Blankness.

Back to the blogging topic, what do you reckon makes a good blog? For me, it's lots and lots of PRETTY photos. Leng lui photos to be spesific.. (lecherous smile) And of course, interesting content la. So that's why my blog is not good, and will never be good. Crap isi, no photos to boot. Example, kinkybluefairy's blog. Originally I went there to look at the photos, but then I started to actually read it. I'm liking it now, short and simple sentences... photos of hot guys and chicks here and there. And the partying! Envy betul! Sigh, what a life that woman has. Turning green.... Another example, jasiminne the penguin's blog. I mainly go there to see her camwhoring photos. Cos she's hot ma. But I seldom read. Too long maybe? (like mine) ANOTHER one, cheesie's blog. Also go there mainly for the pics, another hot gal. Yet hers I do read. Not too long. Quite berkualiti also her puns. Heh.

Anywayyyyyy..... I wonder how many more of my schoolmates blog? So darn curious, maybe can find out some secrets.. kekekkekeke.... *malicious grin*

Saturday, July 29, 2006


Shit. Got test on Monday but haven't studied. Can't even concentrate for more than 1 minute. Arghhhhhh!!!!!!!oneonesatuyiyat Past weeks have been sian. Realised time is running out before SPM but still, given my laziness and lack of motivation, not studying and watching the time fly by. In just a blink of an eye, it's already June damnit! WTF? Birthday already passed, must stop daydreaming already... big girl liao.

Feel so old. I don't feel my age at all, I feel like 50 plus. What with my sedentary lifestyle and all. Aren't teenagers supposed to be vibrant, energetic and fun? Geez, all of that I'm not. A freak I am. Bleah.

I want to start on a new novel, but cannot because of the test. Sigh, so annoying. No wonder Malaysians don't read. They study texts, and texts and texts.

Oh God, waistline expanding to China. It's like I'm having a whole float for a tummy. Sheesh, until my pinafore tight already (it was quite loose before!). Despite that, still eating like a pig. Maybe I'll get hypertension or clogged arteries? Or *gasp!* stroke! My diet is probably a major part of the reason why I feel so lazy all the time. Fat arse.

There. Life of a teenager. Bitching like nobody's business.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Untitled again

Damn useless. So fucking USELESS..SS..SS. I don't understand my bro. The whole freaking pail of clothes to hang sat there for the whole freaking morning. dong mou tai dou isit? Must wait for me to come back to hang isit? I'm a maid isit? You're the emperor ISIT? IS IT???????? Now I know how mom's been feeling all these years. So irritating. Lift one finger also cannot la. How to be doctor like that? MCH AR. I'm already very useless la, can't believe elder bro more useless. Don't even seem nearing 20. More like still an immature teenager. Sheeeesssssshhhhhh.... and he thinks I'M the only spoilt one here. MCH! Aiya one day I will die young after a heart attack cos too gik sam.

It's one of those days again. Those I-wish-I-wasn't-born days / Hoping-to-strangle-someone-or-myself days / Wanting-to-scream-out-loud days. Most probably PMS. I think. It's times like these that I wish I was a boy. Sigh. Such a shitty mood. Enough shit to make a three-tier chocolate cake. Really, sometimes I think that I'm just a mistake. I shouldn't be here. Redundant existence. More burden to parents. Why couldn't they have stopped after 4 children? Shit. Never heard of condom isit. MCH.

How the hell did I end up being who I am today? I don't like it ok. I don't like it at all. I hate it. I know wallowing in self-pity wont do anything but I can't help it. Mostly when my mind wanders, the self-loathing begins. I think sometimes mom regrets ever getting married. And getting married to dad. She probably envies her single friends who I think, have much less restrictions and more indulgences.

People really should think thoroughly when they decide to have babies. They should be really really really sure that they can handle it. There's something called contraception, damnit. Don't be irresponsible and let someone be brought to this world to suffer.

Sigh. Birthday's coming. I want a punching bag, so can vent. So much repressed frustrations to let out. This blog is sooo pathetic, only have 6 posts.Damn fail.

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Fight Videos Research-cum-Crap

I couldn't have said it better. Quote Kenny Sia, "It seems as if handphone-recorded fight videos are the new porn."

Why leh har? If ass itchy and feel like picking fight then fight only la, why ass itchy until want to record leh? It baffles me. Maybe they:

a) are aspiring film makers. After witnessing how much attention Tammy NYP got, they decided to do the same thing. But aiya... too shy to flash their tits or penises. Considering what gets attention, ie VHS (violence, horror, sex), them genius teenagers thought that the horror thing totally overdone and settled for violence. Everyone has a lil' violence in them, so they got equipment, actors, script (actually don't have also can), talent.... why not?? Action!

b) are aspiring actors. Taking the opportunity to pave their future career path, the videos would definitely benefit them when they go for auditions.
"Neh, I acted in that 'St Jose girls fighting' video leh... I was that vicious bitch who kept on screaming hysterically ar... "
"OH! That bitch! Fuyoorr.... really lihai eh you.. can act really well eh! Ok, you're hired!"
"We'll probably give you the role of CCB, a woman who occasionally runs in the scene and slaps people..."
"......." -_-'

b) are innocent and naive, just wanted to test their handphone video. What better way to test than recording a fast-paced, real event right? Sigh.. one of the consequences of technology... yadda yadda yadda..

c) ass itchy (si fat han) la, what else...

Geez, why don't these things happen at my school. Then got something interesting to talk about ma. I don't see any cat fight? Wrestling matches? Sian only. So outdated, man.

*Shit must finish this post eh. Sitting as draft for one day liao.
*Shit now REALLY must finish this. Sat for two days liaooooo.. but now no mood to blog already. Damn.

Er, moving on. Well, I wonder how did they feel when they first saw their video in the papers. Was it "Ah ma, ngo duk jor la!! Ngo sheong bou zi ar! (Mom, I've made it! I'm in the papers!)" or "shit... if kena found out how?"

Maybe... just maybe I can 'direct' my own video! Muahahaha... just have to find someone yong sui enough to be punched. No, not slap, punch.

Er, ok. I think I better stop now. Reading what I wrote, I want to puke blood. So mou liu.

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Titled Rubbish

My English teacher told me I have a flair for writing. Wow. I was really flattered! I think compared to Michael Ooi or viewtru, I only deserve to dunk my head into a toilet bowl and flush. Their talent is really wasted, man. They definitely have what it takes to be probloggers...

Do I really have a flair for writing? I don't know lor. I wanted to become a freaking writer or columnist, but I'm just very unsure. My other options include fashion designer and bakery owner. Hah. They're dreams, just dreams. Typical Chinese mindset: find 'practical' job to earn money, money, money... Sigh. Sibeh sian. I don't really want to become a millionaire, I just want to earn enough money for neccesities and occasional pamperings. I also want to travel, like everywhere. But these are all 'drafts' for my future, only sketches. I guess you can say I daydream a lot, lor.

(Suddenly, with conviction) Yes, my main goal is to travel (with whom, not sure) . So, of course I would need some dough right. Maka, either I marry a rich guy or work my ass off to earn enough money... hmm.. decisions decisions. It's final. I'm gonna be a gold digger. kekekeke...

You see, that's why I blog anonymously. If rich guys read this( I doubt anybody reads this shit, but still better safe than sorry, rite?), I sure cannot reach my goal liao.

Afterthought:What a whole load of crap I just wrote. Teacher said I have a flair somemore.... sheesh! OK, I admit it! I wrote this bullshit so my loser blog wont have a grand pathetic amount of 3 posts!

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

My Fantasy Guy

I never knew I would say this but I think I want a freakin' boyfriend. Not just ANY boyfriend, but to fall in love. I reckon it would be a good feeling, you see.

I want someone who wants to take care of me for the rest of his life. Yeah la I'm damn spoilt like that. But to be fair, I also can take care of him ma. Physically, he doesn't have to look like Wentworth Miller (but there's no harm if he does.... drool..).

It's best if he has broad shoulders, for me to lie on, and nicer to hug (I think?)

Seriously, I don't want any puppy love bullshit. What is the freaking point anyway. Guys my age are just too immature, ugh. I WANT A MATURE GUY, DAMNIT. (Very weird la, like I'm demanding or ordering a grown man from some counter)

My fantasy guy would know how to cook... because I can't. He doesn't need to be a gourmet chef la, knowing basic stuffs is enough. And I also will learn to cook and bake for him, so I can fatten him up so he cannot complain if I grow fat! MUAHAHAHAHA.... He also won't mind doing the chores and all (this very hard to find loh..)

Daydreaming sigh... he must be very huggable, cos all I have to hug now is my pillow. While hugging pillows are comfortable, it can't grow hands and wipe my tears off. Sigh... somemore he can cheer me up whenever I'm down, is able to bear with my idiosyncrasies and bouts of depression...

Plus, his kindness and other good qualities will affect me too and make me a better person. He will make me feel good about myself. He doesn't necessarily need to be a saint cos I'm aware that I'm no angel myself. Good listener. Good sense of humour. Yadda yadda yadda...

Oh ya, he gives a real good massage. This trait would be really useful when I'm tired and sore.

If got some of these qualities, I think good enough gua. Unfortunately, I don't think I'll ever get a guy like that cos I don't really deserve him.... so my fantasy guy will remain just that, a fantasy.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

10 Weird Things About Dad

Dad, you are weird in many ways.

Let me elaborate.

1) Don't wash your hands after pissing.
- You say that you don't touch your 'kuku' but how can we know for sure? Is it really possible for guys to piss without touching their penises?

2) Like to throw rubbish into the kitchen sink when the rubbish bin is right beside it.
- What's with that eh?

3) Always repeat yourself.

4) Always repeat yourself. Again and again and again.
- And see? Now you have me doing it too!

5) Talk when nobody else's listening.
- And it amazes me that even without a listener, you still can go on and on and on... about a topic no one really cares about.

6) Shout at the handphone.
- There's really no need for that la, the person at the other side can hear you just fine. Just cos your hearing is deteriorating, it does not mean that other people's are.

7) Scratch your butt and then 'sayang' me and still don't think that anything's wrong with that.
- Wah, your butt made of gold is it? You argue by saying:" I'm your father, you know!" So?? That makes your butt cleaner than other people's is it? It's gross ok!

8) Scrath your crotch too.
- And don't you think I don't see it. Actually, you don't make much an effort to hide the habit either. The weird thing is I seem like the only one who notices. Don't know whether mum and bro pretend cannot see or really blind already. Again, that's gross ok! Grosser! And don't even say "I'm your father, ok?!"

9) Put on waaaaayyy to much perfume when you go to functions.
- Do you take pleasure in suffocating people? You should really have watched "Queer Eye". Kyan says:" Spray, delay and walk away!"

10) Easily get obsessed.
- There was the 'Bejeweled' obsession, internet surfing obsession and now you're obsessed with health. I reckon that's not really a bad thing but it's starting to piss mum off. *she even says you're on the verge of being crazy! gasp!* Is this a mid-life crisis thing?

That's all I can think of, for now.

Oh yeah, Happy Father's Day.

Lame First Post

Well, actually, 'self-absorb' does not exist, neither does 'self-absorbence'. Bah, whatever la.

I deleted my late blog because my bro found it. *sob* I even gave it a proper funeral and all. Actually, no I didn't. I blogged anonymously but it was damn freaking obvious it was me cos of some things I blogged about... sheesh what's the point of anonymosity if people are gonna find out anyway?? Anyway, I'm gonna try to be real careful this time. People are freaking weird. Can blog to let strangers read but scared of family or friends finding out. At least I am weird in that sense.

So, I wondered whether to start a new blog... and I figured that I'll go crazy if I just keep talking to myself in my head. I need a place to ramble, damn it! Muahahaha... and this is the first of other self-obesessed posts to come.

Or is this the start of a journey of self-discovery? Erm, yeah I know that sounded real corny and all... I'm just in this state where I have no idea who I am or what I wanna do in my life. I'm sure everyone's been through this. I think. Being a teenager with raging hormones, this process is not easy at all. For me, it has been painful, emotionally. And perhaps slowly numbing my senses to everything else but me.. is that why I'm so self-absorbed?

How does one start or end this journey?