Sunday, September 23, 2007

I Need Dark Chocolate

How I wish I could write like pinkpau. She just has this undeniable talent to write! Man, I envy her la. It's like the world's her oyster, but she does experience bouts of sadness... I wonder why.

I wish I could just dive in my brothers' minds sometimes, and find out what they're thinking. To me, we don't seem like a happy family. I mean, we don't seem to be happy people. My impression of us is we're grumpy, whiny, querulous people. Or maybe it's just me. I know I can be really grumpy and have mood swings all the time. So, I wanna dive into their thoughts and see if they're really unhappy as I am. If they are, why? Is it our problem? We're just dysfunctional like that? I think I'm trying to justify my own moodiness here. Playing the 'dysfunctional family' card. Am I sad or what.

Man, sometimes I just feel I have this wild child inside me just waiting to burst out. I wanna dye my hair bright red, put on some rock chick attire and paint the fucking town red. Wanna do whatever I want, and don't care about what other people think. Be an ECCENTRIC. Sometimes, I hate the fact that I really care about other's opinion about me. It's kinda hard to be happy with myself this way. If I intend to release my inner wild child, I really should do it during my teenage years, cos there won't be any chance to do it when I'm all grown up and working. Except for maybe in the future I work in the media industry or art industry. Sigh, but the future is unpredictable.

How and when will I feel at peace with myself? How and when can I achieve equilibrium? Am I gonna live forever like this? I don't know how long I'll last...

No comments: