Feeling like a whale. But can't be arsed to do ath abt it cos I'm having my period and letting myself go. So here I am, home alone and looking pregnant. Was reading a book but took this hard-to-come-by opportunity to amuse my readers (me) once again.
It's already freaking Feb now. Can u believe it? SPM results coming out in March. That's like, a blink away. I wasn't terrified by the thought of going to college, furthering my studies and all that shit. But all of a sudden, I feel like I can totally freak out. Imagine, I'm getting my results real soon! And I'm not too optimistic abt them either. What if I fail my Chinese? OMG... cannot face my tuition teacher liao... I'm at lost at what to do, was just taking it day by day, chilling, and BAM! (Reality always hits me hard. Always.) Wake up girl! You have to start thinking abt your freaking future! You know? Future?
Anyway, that day I got 15 books at the price of around RM60. What a bargain! An average of RM4 per book! You kidding me? Of course, they were 2nd hand books from Pay Less Books' stock clearance, but still damn cheap right??? Btw, was looking for some chick lit instead of the usual thrillers but couldn't find them cos maybe I didn't look thoroughly enough or during those ancient times, chick lit just wasn't popular. Heaps of books, loads of them quite antique, I must say. In the end, ended up with more thrillers than other genres. That was also partly bcos there were lots of Michael Crichton novels... I'm gonna try to finish all of them b4 getting my cataclysmic results *cringe*.
Previously, I was kinda happy with the idea of going to college, not really bcos of the education n for the sake of pertaining sagacity, but bcos of the prospects of meeting new friends, shedding this cold blooded shell I've been wearing. Seriously, I don't actually keep in touch with any of my friends, no initiating phone calls, or MSN whatsoever. Mainly, it's precipitated by my loathe of telephone conversations. I just have no idea what to say sometimes, so there are long moments of awkward silences (u can almost hear the crickets serenading), awful segues, and less than hearty laughter trying to fill in those gaps.
Ugh, how I hate my atrocious communication skills. That's why I don't call my friends voluntarily or without ulterior motives just to chit-chat. I just don't do chit-chat on the phone. The longest I can hold.. maybe an hour? That's when the long uncomfortable silences finally catches on and my friend obliges to hang up. Mostly, it would be them calling me to go out or whatever. AND, my lazy arse even turns down their kind offers when I feel too malas to go out (ugh, have to figure out what to wear, don't wanna look too shabby ma... transport n so on n so on). When I'm not in the mood, just have to cook up some lousy excuse lor.
Geez, no wonder my social life is as exciting as a sloth's. I am the epitome of anti social-ness.
Digressing, yesterday I felt like cutting open my uterus and ending it once and for all. OMG, the pain was unbearable okay, it was gnawing n refusing to go away. Thank God for Panadol Menstrual. My hair was totally matted with sweat n I felt like puking. The worst is that bcos it's internal, u can't really do ath abt it, n the idea of ripping open ur uterus is really tempting. Dahlah I woke up with my panties stained n needed to wash it myself, dahlah my tummy ached n I crapped till my legs wobbled, I didn't even have the energy to wash my hands after doing my business (can u say, ew?) n ran straight to my bed in my shirt n panties. I just wanted to pass out.
But oh Lord the pain was relentless, I had to put on my shorts, crawl down the stairs n tried to find those life-saving bright pink Panadols in the fridge. Alas, I found that I was too weak n gasping for air with my dry mouth. Really one okay, no exaggeration one... So I crashed on the stairs, moaning like a pathetic lil puppy. Then I had no choice but to call for my bro's rescue, but that bugger only responded after 3 tries. Ignore me la, next time I pengsan n knock my head see how u can handle that. Anyway, after rummaging through the fridge, failing to find the pills, phoning mum to find out its location n finally procuring those evasive pills (meanwhile I was in the fetal position n on the brink of tears), he came with a cup of warm water n those oh-thank-God-they-exist pills. Then I slept. On the stairs. Just like how a sad lil puppy would. But only for a few mins, I think. When I woke up, the pain was gone! I was like 'Hallelujah!' So I went to a chair n slept. The whole episode was totally draining ok. I thought I had my worst episode, but YESTERDAY.. oh yesterday definitely was wayyy worse.
Sigh, what have I done to deserve being female? *cries*
Oh ya, I made a post SPM to-do list right? And what have I accomplished? SIGH. There's no bigger disappointment than disappointing urself. Out of the list, I read- check, I drew... but only a lil still have loads of personal projects I haven't started on. And that's it. Did I customize my template? Nooooo.... did I roller blade? Nooooooo.... did I work out? NOOOOOO.....
Sigh. Please. This is depressing me. I've gotta stop. And they say blogging's supposed to be fun, therapeutic. Where the heck did they get that idea?