I have a lot going on in my mind.
And I have nothing going on in my mind.
Is that even possible?
What I'm feeling right now is lying-on-the-bed-silently-weeping-wondering-why-the-tears-ain't-coming-kinda emptiness. You familiar with that feeling?
It's very different from bawling-your-eyes-out-clawing-at-your-heart-cos-it-just-hurts-SO-MUCH sensation.
The difference is for the latter, the tears come much easier.
Back then I would say what I had was moderate to severe depression. Now, I mean right at this moment, it's just mild depression...? So... that's a good thing right?
Some self-sabotaging part of me wishes that I could go back to those days. Where I had a reason to cry. Or it seemed that I had a valid, indisputable reason.
Yeap, it's one of those days.
One of those days where you just wanna lie somewhere and slowly rot and cease to exist. Cos it wouldn't make a difference anyway. Nobody would even notice.
Ahh, what the heck.
I'll be better.
No, I will.