Saturday, August 05, 2006

Being Home Alone Males One Think Crap

Home alone again. Very mou liu eh. Actually, I can be doing more productive stuffs like, studying, but just plain lazy.

Aha! I was right about eating economy rice and my doing the chores. If my father is still a bachelor, his house would be a pig sty. And that would just be an understatement. Seriously don't know how he would survive. Dirty dishes everywhere, clothes and socks not washed, sticky dining table not cleaned and reeking with disgusting gravy from last year, dusty and sandy floor etc etc... Ugh. Sorry to say that sometimes, he really disgusts me. Probably had been too dependant on my mom all these years.

God, it's already August. So freaking fast! Without my knowing, the trial would arrive then bam! SPM! Force facts into brain, regurgitate, become brain bulimic, and then suddenly, finish SPM. Just like that. After that, don't know what to do... sigh, so fail, no ambition or should I say, "practical" ambition. I've thought of things like being a fashion designer, writer, open a bakery.... I want to do those stuffs but sure I worry if I'll earn money, if I have what it takes and all that. Maklumlah, typical Chinese ma. How???

Feeling so old yet immature at the same time. Old physically, immature mentally. What a bad combination. I DON'T HAVE A FREAKING PLAN FOR MY FUTURE!!!!!oneonesatuyiyatuno I'm not really keen on the idea of doing Form 6, but my parents most probably are. Then I think: must get superb results in SPM so can apply scholarship to go overseas and study. But then, I'm scared shit of all the interviews stuff. Cos I'm just not fond of those situations. I can see it now, my stuttering, blabbering nonsense or plain stoned, not understanding questions and staring wide-eyed at interviewee. SIGH.

One of the reasons I want to go overseas is to be independant. And break out of this shell of mine. Get to know more friends, be more outgoing, you know. If I'm forced into this totally alien environment, maybe I HAVE to do that, just to survive. That's my theory la. I want to experience life at another country, gain knowledge, broaden my perspective and all that. Then come back a different person, changed for the better ( I hope). If stay in Malaysia, I don't think I would change at all. I would still be this dull, quiet, shy, inept coward.

Maybe I'm just thinking too much. Am I being a worry wart???

This was another post brought to you by yours truly.

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