Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Time Capsule

Note: This time capsule is to be opened after SPM results have been taken.

Dear me,
So your results have been known eh? If it's good, then great! Go to a strip club and celebrate or sth! However, if it sucks big time or is below your expectation, then don't fret, I'm here to cheer you up.

Why am I here to cheer you up? Well, since you'll be ostracised by your own family and looked down upon by your peers, I'm the only person you've got, man. Yeah I know, how pathetic.

Firstly, you know you're gorgeous right? Come on, good looks can bring you anywhere! Yeah baby! Who needs results anyway? Burn that result slip and go pamper yourself!

Ok ok... on a more serious note, getting bad results is not the end of the world. Deal with it with 'ping seong sam'. Like that 'ming ju' you know? "hui shou xiang lai xiao se chu, gui qu, ye wu feng yu ye wu qing" or "shi fei cheng bai zhuan tou kong, qing shan yi jiu zai, xi yang ji du hong" you know? You can really learn from those. Don't let some crappy results define your intelligence or mere existence. Move on with life.

You can also console yourself by thinking, you were once a straight As student, so your having shit results will be very kembang-fying for other students, you are actually doing a good deed! Your good karma will eventually find you a good, loving, loaded husband, so yeah, there's no need to worry about your future.

Whatever your results are, remember that you still rock in your own way, k? Come on, say it out loud:" YOU RAWWWWKKKKK!!!" With more conviction, baby! YOU FREAKING RAWWWKKKKK!!!! WOOOOHH!!! (do the wave!)

Don't care what other people think, you see no evil, hear no evil. You must disregard every sucky opinion about you and only absorb the good ones. Ok, that may sound a tad too narcissistic. But hey, you're the one with the emotional turmoil! Stay with me here!

Listen to me! Don't go crying over spilt milk! That's just plain stupid! No 'what if's, ok? Although... sometimes you may ask yourself, "what if I had flat rock hard abs?" But I digress. When your parents nag you, just mute them, enough is enough. History shows that listening actually makes things worse.

Hey, I'm doing this for your own mental health ok? So you. better. do. as. I. say.


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