Digital Fortress
So, yesterday I finished Dan Brown's "Digital Fortress". It was good. As all Dan Brown's books are. Now I'm just lacking "Deception Point" and I'll be a full fledged Dan Brown fan. Well, there were a lot subplots which kinda got into the way but were nonetheless important for the buildup. Am I contradicting myself here? Whatever. Still, "Angels and Demons" is my favourite. I've probably forgotten most of the plot by now, but I remember that I loved it.
The climax was riveting, but kinda anti-climax. See, they needed this pass-key, well kill-code actually to neutralize a worm destroying their (NSA, National Security Agent) security filters. And the clue was "the prime difference between the elements responsible for Hiroshima and Nagasaki" if I'm not wrong. Someone figured out it was chemical elements, instead of socio-political ones those people kept thinking of. Oh, I missed out that they entered the wrong kill-code once and it accelerated the attack, so things were pretty hectic and chaotic. So, chemical elements. First, they thought it was plutonium and uranium, which was actually a misconception.
As a matter of fact, they were both uranium, but isotopes. They were racking their brains trying to find the "prime difference". And I was sitting on my static ass thinking,
'wtf? they're freaking isotopes! The most obvious freaking difference of course is their nombor nukleon la! Nombor nukleon damnit! And you call yourself freaking geniuses?! Do you even know what isotopes are?'
And the likes, cos I was kinda pissed at their imbecility. Turns out, I was freaking right after all. They were U-238 and U-235, hence the kill-code was 3. *heaves a content sigh* It's good to know that one is better in saving the world than fictional geniuses. Those two years of education weren't for nothing after all. Hehehehehe..... syok sendiri betul. So yeah, that was too easy and predictable. Some other stuff were predictable too, like you know that the initial good guy would turn out to be guilty after all, because come on, it's Dan Brown you oaf. That's what happened at "Da Vinci Code" and "Angels and Demons" too. It was a good read nonetheless.
I'm sure it would be exciting for non Science students. Hehehehee.... just let me bask in the warmth of my own glory for a while.... Yea yea, I know I should cut those fictional characters some slack, because 'they're geniuses for God's sake, surely their minds wont be as simple as yours?' Ugh, What. Ever. Let me syok sendiri also cannot wor.
The Host
And, I watched "The Host". Not in the cinema, but in the petty confinement of my home. My bro downloaded it, so sue him. Firstly, there was a pretty lousy excuse to contaminate the Han River. The American was not fond of dust, and there were thick layers of them on loads of bottles containing toxic chemicals, so he just asked the Korean to dump them.
The Korean exclaimed," but they will go into the Han River"
and the exasperated American said sth stupid like," Look, the Han River is very broad..... so let's try to be broad-minded here"
Jesus Christ, who comes up with these shit?
6 years later, there's this humongous, hideous, voracious, mutated tadpole terrorizing the place. Which is pretty good at gymnastics, I might add. You'll know when you watch it. This monster abducted Hyun-Seo (if I remember correctly), leaving her family to think that she's dead. But, her father receives her phone call, saying that she's in a huge sewer. Hence starts their journey to rescue her. There were a couple of frightening moments, but only a couple.
And moments which will leave you dumbfounded, like the one where Hyun-Seo suddenly appears out of thin air when her family was having dinner, and they just kept quiet and fed her one by one. It's like 'Is it a message? Is it supposed to tell us sth? Or is the director trying to play with our minds?'
In the end, of course the monster's dead, Hyun-Seo's dead too, her grandfather died as well, her father appears to be alive, but.. you're not so sure anymore, maybe he's in heaven? Whatever.
My verdict is, just download it and watch la, not really worth RM10. Go watch Happy Feet or sth.
Monday, December 11, 2006
Friday, December 08, 2006
Book Review
From my list, I have only managed to accomplish one thing - read. Yesterday, I finished "The Curious Incident of the Dog In the Night-Time" by Mark Haddon. Cant believe it took me two whole days to finish it. It's only 226 pages. I'm a slow reader la.
Anyway, it was a book written from an autistic 15-year-old's perspective. I read good reviews about it, thus I decided to get it. And, I learnt some things from it too. There was the Monty Hall question, the homunculus, and er other stuffs la, I have a bad memory, k? So the main thing to be learnt from the book is what actually goes on in an autistic person's mind. With his "superbly logical mind", Christopher really sees everything literally. That's why he doesn't really get jokes or humour. Oh my, imagine a life devoid of laughter. How can??!
The book starts with Christopher finding his neighbour's (Mrs. Shears) dog, Wellington stabbed by a pitchfork in his neighbour's garden. Hence, he decided to "play detective" and find out who's the killer. He records the process in the book, which was supposed to be a murder mystery novel. But in sleuthing around, he discovers that his Mother was still alive (he was told she died of a heart attack), she had an affair with Mr Shears, and is now living in London. AND, who killed Wellington. Okay, maybe that was a lot of spoilers. But who cares, nobody's reading anyway. And that is why, boys and girls, I'll totally fail at book reviews.
Well, I kinda pitied Christ's father too, cos it's evident that he loves his son A LOT, but since admitting that he killed Wellington (tadaa!) Christ ran away to London to live with his mother, is completely terrified of him and refuses to speak with him even when they are in the same house. That must hurt a lot. But in the end, things looked up just a little. That little was just enough to assure that things would eventually be better between father and son.
I didn't actually cry while reading this book, but just cos it's really hard to make me cry through books. That was a totally redundant sentence, so ignore it. I would say, get this book even if it's RM30+. It would bring some understanding towards autism, why they react the way they do and you may even discover some facts you've never come across before. Plus, there's not much big a difference between human and computers.
Conclusion, this book was easy to read since I didn't have to check the dictionary every few minutes. And I can't believe I took two days to finish it. This was a crappy review brought to you by yours truly.
Anyway, it was a book written from an autistic 15-year-old's perspective. I read good reviews about it, thus I decided to get it. And, I learnt some things from it too. There was the Monty Hall question, the homunculus, and er other stuffs la, I have a bad memory, k? So the main thing to be learnt from the book is what actually goes on in an autistic person's mind. With his "superbly logical mind", Christopher really sees everything literally. That's why he doesn't really get jokes or humour. Oh my, imagine a life devoid of laughter. How can??!
The book starts with Christopher finding his neighbour's (Mrs. Shears) dog, Wellington stabbed by a pitchfork in his neighbour's garden. Hence, he decided to "play detective" and find out who's the killer. He records the process in the book, which was supposed to be a murder mystery novel. But in sleuthing around, he discovers that his Mother was still alive (he was told she died of a heart attack), she had an affair with Mr Shears, and is now living in London. AND, who killed Wellington. Okay, maybe that was a lot of spoilers. But who cares, nobody's reading anyway. And that is why, boys and girls, I'll totally fail at book reviews.
Well, I kinda pitied Christ's father too, cos it's evident that he loves his son A LOT, but since admitting that he killed Wellington (tadaa!) Christ ran away to London to live with his mother, is completely terrified of him and refuses to speak with him even when they are in the same house. That must hurt a lot. But in the end, things looked up just a little. That little was just enough to assure that things would eventually be better between father and son.
I didn't actually cry while reading this book, but just cos it's really hard to make me cry through books. That was a totally redundant sentence, so ignore it. I would say, get this book even if it's RM30+. It would bring some understanding towards autism, why they react the way they do and you may even discover some facts you've never come across before. Plus, there's not much big a difference between human and computers.
Conclusion, this book was easy to read since I didn't have to check the dictionary every few minutes. And I can't believe I took two days to finish it. This was a crappy review brought to you by yours truly.
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Things I Wanna Do After SPM
1. Draw
2. Read (devour novels)
3. Rollerblade (at least try to, I swear my skates have cobwebs in them)
4. Work out and acquire Gwen Stefani abs (pffffttt... like THAT'S gonna happen)
5. Pamper myself in all ways possible
6. Catch up with all the TV shows I've missed
7. Customize my template
8. Search for a long lost friend
Er, that's pretty much all I can think of right now.
Shit, I really should be studying.
Edit: OMG totally can't concentrate can die. Just think of it, in a few hours time, all these shit will finally be over!!! OH GODDDDDDDDDDDD!!!! I'm too hyper right now. And I truly think that I'm gonna flunk my Bio. Oh well...
2. Read (devour novels)
3. Rollerblade (at least try to, I swear my skates have cobwebs in them)
4. Work out and acquire Gwen Stefani abs (pffffttt... like THAT'S gonna happen)
5. Pamper myself in all ways possible
6. Catch up with all the TV shows I've missed
7. Customize my template
8. Search for a long lost friend
Er, that's pretty much all I can think of right now.
Shit, I really should be studying.
Edit: OMG totally can't concentrate can die. Just think of it, in a few hours time, all these shit will finally be over!!! OH GODDDDDDDDDDDD!!!! I'm too hyper right now. And I truly think that I'm gonna flunk my Bio. Oh well...
Friday, December 01, 2006
Whatever III
*gaspppp!!* A mosquito bit me in my lip! Yes, in my lip. It wasn't outside, now my lower lip is swollen. My mouth must have been gaping when I napped. Stupid mosquito! I'm always bit in the weirdest places. When I woke up, one bigass bite was on my left cheek too. *grumble grumble grumble*
Sigh, yeah, a mosquito bite is probably the most exciting thing in my life right now. What a freaking loser.
But then hor, just now I also had a weird dream. The kindergarten I went to held a gathering of some sort. I reckon it was exam related cos we were all in our uniform, or maybe every dream I have these days are school related. Whatever.
The weird thing was, the people there were not ex-kindergarten mates. Not even one of them was supposed to be there. And my friend, who was supposed to, was not seen.
Ok la, that sounded so lame. Lately a lot of dreams have involved school. Most of my dreams are disturbing, but at least this one was only weird, not disturbingly so. And I woke up when my lip began to itch. I wish there's someone to decipher my dreams, who can be at my side when I sleep, so when I jolt awake with a dream fresh in my mind, he/she can analyse it for me. Yeah, I wish.
Again, I am fully aware that I'm ridiculously lame. But I can contradict myself sometimes, I'm narcissistic about my looks (well, bcos I'm simply ravishing *cough cough*) but self deprecating about other aspects simultaneously. Like, about my lack of personality, lack of wit, lack of leadership skills, diminutive grey matter... well these things are as important, if not more, than looks. And having above average (*cough cough*) looks just doesn't balance my deficiencies. I just can't help but wallow in self-hatred sometimes.
End rant.
People! There's only one more day of SPM to go!!!! My worst Science subject of all times...... Biology!!!! Technically there's only memorising to do, no calculations (actually got a few), no ass cracking formula, so should be easy right?
WRONG. Ugh I just hate it. I hate hate hate it. Tell me, how to finish two years' syllabus in two days?? I think I have forgotten all that I've revised before exam, so much for preparing early. Dad, as badly as you want me to be a doctor, I swear I'm never EVER EVER gonna be one. I fear that my brain will explode in overload.
Seriously, I'm not too optimistic abt how I've fared so far. What happened to "I don't care, I don't wanna care"?? Bitch, I do care I do care! Everybody does. It's either care less or care more.
Possible non-A subjects:
Physics
Chemistry
Biology (haven't took, but seeing how the other 2 have been...)
History (almost sure die liao)
Pendidikan Moral (the world's most pointless, useless, redundant subject. Well, aside from History)
Chinese (gosh, I hope I didn't steer off topic! I sure as hell hope I didn't *gasp* FAIL! ARGHGHGH!)
and all the others
The mentioned six have more chances of flunking, I think.
One more day of exam to go!!!! And then it's liberation!!!
Sigh, yeah, a mosquito bite is probably the most exciting thing in my life right now. What a freaking loser.
But then hor, just now I also had a weird dream. The kindergarten I went to held a gathering of some sort. I reckon it was exam related cos we were all in our uniform, or maybe every dream I have these days are school related. Whatever.
The weird thing was, the people there were not ex-kindergarten mates. Not even one of them was supposed to be there. And my friend, who was supposed to, was not seen.
Ok la, that sounded so lame. Lately a lot of dreams have involved school. Most of my dreams are disturbing, but at least this one was only weird, not disturbingly so. And I woke up when my lip began to itch. I wish there's someone to decipher my dreams, who can be at my side when I sleep, so when I jolt awake with a dream fresh in my mind, he/she can analyse it for me. Yeah, I wish.
Again, I am fully aware that I'm ridiculously lame. But I can contradict myself sometimes, I'm narcissistic about my looks (well, bcos I'm simply ravishing *cough cough*) but self deprecating about other aspects simultaneously. Like, about my lack of personality, lack of wit, lack of leadership skills, diminutive grey matter... well these things are as important, if not more, than looks. And having above average (*cough cough*) looks just doesn't balance my deficiencies. I just can't help but wallow in self-hatred sometimes.
End rant.
People! There's only one more day of SPM to go!!!! My worst Science subject of all times...... Biology!!!! Technically there's only memorising to do, no calculations (actually got a few), no ass cracking formula, so should be easy right?
WRONG. Ugh I just hate it. I hate hate hate it. Tell me, how to finish two years' syllabus in two days?? I think I have forgotten all that I've revised before exam, so much for preparing early. Dad, as badly as you want me to be a doctor, I swear I'm never EVER EVER gonna be one. I fear that my brain will explode in overload.
Seriously, I'm not too optimistic abt how I've fared so far. What happened to "I don't care, I don't wanna care"?? Bitch, I do care I do care! Everybody does. It's either care less or care more.
Possible non-A subjects:
Physics
Chemistry
Biology (haven't took, but seeing how the other 2 have been...)
History (almost sure die liao)
Pendidikan Moral (the world's most pointless, useless, redundant subject. Well, aside from History)
Chinese (gosh, I hope I didn't steer off topic! I sure as hell hope I didn't *gasp* FAIL! ARGHGHGH!)
and all the others
The mentioned six have more chances of flunking, I think.
One more day of exam to go!!!! And then it's liberation!!!
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Whatever II
Two more days of exam to go!! Woot!!! After what seemed like forever....
Physics and Chem were well, hell. And I thought my Chem sure A already. Pfffttttt... yeaaaahh rite. I'm totally hopeless without exam tips. Not tips, but soalan yang dibocor-bocorkan until dunno how. Trial was like that. No wonder I got 90+ for Chem. And people think I'm so smart. Nyahahahahahaha..... Today my friend was also murdered in the exam and she asked if I knew how to do, since I blatantly said 'No' she was kinda relieved cos if I also dunno how to do, then it's OK. Noooooo.... I'm not that geng AT ALL..... sorry la if I gave you false hopes. Futher shows that I'm just not into Science. I'm just a dumbass who once thought that she actually liked it. That was Form 3 la.. but who didn't like Science when it was just ONE subject right? Right??
Yes, I know I'm whiny and boring and dull, but my family is made up of whiners, so just cut me some slack here k? Again, I think it's the house's feng shui.
Crappy mood. Probably PMS. Noooo.... so soon?
Physics and Chem were well, hell. And I thought my Chem sure A already. Pfffttttt... yeaaaahh rite. I'm totally hopeless without exam tips. Not tips, but soalan yang dibocor-bocorkan until dunno how. Trial was like that. No wonder I got 90+ for Chem. And people think I'm so smart. Nyahahahahahaha..... Today my friend was also murdered in the exam and she asked if I knew how to do, since I blatantly said 'No' she was kinda relieved cos if I also dunno how to do, then it's OK. Noooooo.... I'm not that geng AT ALL..... sorry la if I gave you false hopes. Futher shows that I'm just not into Science. I'm just a dumbass who once thought that she actually liked it. That was Form 3 la.. but who didn't like Science when it was just ONE subject right? Right??
Yes, I know I'm whiny and boring and dull, but my family is made up of whiners, so just cut me some slack here k? Again, I think it's the house's feng shui.
Crappy mood. Probably PMS. Noooo.... so soon?
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Whatever
wham bham kapow my ass. This exam seems to be going on foreverrrrr....
but the worst is yet to come, tomorrow is Physics, all freaking 3 papers. These few days are gonna be uber tiring.
No chance to blog cos either too tired or the coast wasn't clear.
Must hang in there. 4 more subjects only!!!! 10 more papers only!!!! 4 more exam days only!!! woot!
but the worst is yet to come, tomorrow is Physics, all freaking 3 papers. These few days are gonna be uber tiring.
No chance to blog cos either too tired or the coast wasn't clear.
Must hang in there. 4 more subjects only!!!! 10 more papers only!!!! 4 more exam days only!!! woot!
Friday, November 17, 2006
Exam Day 2 & 3
Prinsip Perakaunan was okay, I guess. If no major mistake, hopefully can get A1 lor.
I was more nervous yesterday than the day before, cos you know, I've never actually sat for an Accounts exam before. My being a Science student and all. I thought I was jittery, but heck my friends were sweating profusely, they said.
So, like that lor. Nothing much to say.
p/s: I wish I can think of more interesting titles...
I was more nervous yesterday than the day before, cos you know, I've never actually sat for an Accounts exam before. My being a Science student and all. I thought I was jittery, but heck my friends were sweating profusely, they said.
So, like that lor. Nothing much to say.
p/s: I wish I can think of more interesting titles...
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Exam Day 1
Countdown: 11 more days of exam to go.
Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.
So here's the thing. I'm a risk taker during essay papers. Well, actually the truth is there was one obvious choice, but I couldn't think of sufficient points, so... I chose the appalling-nobody-should-write question (or so they say). It was quite natural for me to do that, because I always choose stupid questions like these. Risk taker, you see. (yeahhh rite) Sometimes it reaps good results, sometimes it doesn't. Therein lies the risk.
Now, the nagging question of whether I went off topic. It's reaaaaally easy to do that, I think. Therein lies the stupidity of choosing that question. Therefore, I'll appear as a genius or one heck of a dumbass to the examiner's eye. Let's hope it's the former. Let's pray that the risk pays off. *cross fingers cross fingers cross fingers*
Oh dear God, if You exist, I hope that You make my examiner's mood very very very good on the day he/she marks my essay. That's all I ask for. Pleaseeeee... pretty pleaseeeee...
The thing is, it didn't seem that big a risk during examination. But in retrospect, I could have flew off topic on a freaking rocket. Sigh. Must be optimistic ehhhhhhh.... damn those people who "put my lang sui"
What happened to the I-don't-care attitude you ask, well as much as I don't wanna care I still don't wanna fail ma... the kiasu attitude still resides within me, because I'm a typical Chinese hehe. Cos if really steered off topic, then surely cannot get high marks or even worse *gasp* FAIL!
Let's pray again, that the examiner sees the genuineness of my writing, appreciates the conversational prose, is grateful for the change of topic and gives me an A+ on first impression. (macam my essay very superior liddat)
But still, I don't wanna get my hopes too high.
Oh God, help me pleaseeeee...
Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.
So here's the thing. I'm a risk taker during essay papers. Well, actually the truth is there was one obvious choice, but I couldn't think of sufficient points, so... I chose the appalling-nobody-should-write question (or so they say). It was quite natural for me to do that, because I always choose stupid questions like these. Risk taker, you see. (yeahhh rite) Sometimes it reaps good results, sometimes it doesn't. Therein lies the risk.
Now, the nagging question of whether I went off topic. It's reaaaaally easy to do that, I think. Therein lies the stupidity of choosing that question. Therefore, I'll appear as a genius or one heck of a dumbass to the examiner's eye. Let's hope it's the former. Let's pray that the risk pays off. *cross fingers cross fingers cross fingers*
Oh dear God, if You exist, I hope that You make my examiner's mood very very very good on the day he/she marks my essay. That's all I ask for. Pleaseeeee... pretty pleaseeeee...
The thing is, it didn't seem that big a risk during examination. But in retrospect, I could have flew off topic on a freaking rocket. Sigh. Must be optimistic ehhhhhhh.... damn those people who "put my lang sui"
What happened to the I-don't-care attitude you ask, well as much as I don't wanna care I still don't wanna fail ma... the kiasu attitude still resides within me, because I'm a typical Chinese hehe. Cos if really steered off topic, then surely cannot get high marks or even worse *gasp* FAIL!
Let's pray again, that the examiner sees the genuineness of my writing, appreciates the conversational prose, is grateful for the change of topic and gives me an A+ on first impression. (macam my essay very superior liddat)
But still, I don't wanna get my hopes too high.
Oh God, help me pleaseeeee...
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Pre Exam Insanity (PEI)
Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's one/uno/1/yi/yat/satu day before exam!!
I'm soooooooo excited! Not. But yes, I am! Not. Actually, I'm not quite sure how I'm feeling right now.
I don't think I've done enough, I don't think I'm fully armoured for battle....
But heck, just bring it on!
After the first paper, it will wham! bam! kapow! done! Exam's over!!! Let's celebrate!
Nyahahaahaahahahaahahahahahahaaha.... or at least that's what I expect.
Let's see, hmm.. no, I'm not fully prepared for Prinsip Perakaunan or BM or Chemistry or Biology or Sejafuckingrah......
Wtf? What am I prepared for anyway?!!
Whatever la. To see if I really deserve an A1, it shouldn't be cos of last minute, midnight oil burning, eleventh hour studying right? Right? That means, I've gotta abstain from all reference books and text books during exam period to see what I'm really made of.
Nyahahahahahaahahahahahhaha... I think I'm going crazy. Completely cuckoo.
p/s: This is a stupid post. IF sometime in the future I chance upon this post, and my results turn out crappy, I'll surely be filled with regrets. Cos I'll find out that I was wasting time being loony and blogging. And I wasn't armed with any knowledge AT ALL.
But still, my oh-so-beloved-future-self, you're the most gorgeous being ever born on this Earth. Your responsibility is to save the universe from all of its ugliness and impurities. Yes, rock on, baby.
OMG I AM crazy.
It's one/uno/1/yi/yat/satu day before exam!!
I'm soooooooo excited! Not. But yes, I am! Not. Actually, I'm not quite sure how I'm feeling right now.
I don't think I've done enough, I don't think I'm fully armoured for battle....
But heck, just bring it on!
After the first paper, it will wham! bam! kapow! done! Exam's over!!! Let's celebrate!
Nyahahaahaahahahaahahahahahahaaha.... or at least that's what I expect.
Let's see, hmm.. no, I'm not fully prepared for Prinsip Perakaunan or BM or Chemistry or Biology or Sejafuckingrah......
Wtf? What am I prepared for anyway?!!
Whatever la. To see if I really deserve an A1, it shouldn't be cos of last minute, midnight oil burning, eleventh hour studying right? Right? That means, I've gotta abstain from all reference books and text books during exam period to see what I'm really made of.
Nyahahahahahaahahahahahhaha... I think I'm going crazy. Completely cuckoo.
p/s: This is a stupid post. IF sometime in the future I chance upon this post, and my results turn out crappy, I'll surely be filled with regrets. Cos I'll find out that I was wasting time being loony and blogging. And I wasn't armed with any knowledge AT ALL.
But still, my oh-so-beloved-future-self, you're the most gorgeous being ever born on this Earth. Your responsibility is to save the universe from all of its ugliness and impurities. Yes, rock on, baby.
OMG I AM crazy.
Monday, November 13, 2006
Trying to be Poetic
Frustration consuming every freaking fibre of my being.....
I cannot take this any longer....
End it for me....
I think I'm going crazy....
Every single day my head feels so empty yet so heavy....
Like its concentrated but when I dig in nothing's there....
ARGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Just wanna scream my lungs out....
Everything's heavy, my heart, my breathing.....
I can't go on any longer....
Just. End it for me...
Can this actually qualify as a poem? Cos you know, poems don't actually have a format (or do they?) and you can string a few words together and voila! You're a poet!
Yadda yadda yadda.....yak yak yak... (softer and softer)
Whatever. Nobody listens anyway.
Yesterday, or rather this morning, I left out my fifth random thought.
Fifth
In my opinion, my family is somewhat dysfunctional. In this house where everybody's grumpy all the time, where no one actually show that they care, I cant help but feel the abnormality in this otherwise "normal" family. Somehow, I feel that we're a bunch of misfits. Or maybe it's just me. And this... this house, perhaps the feng shui's not good or sth like that, everytime I step into this house, my mood turns bad. Almost instantly. Even before I put my foot into it. It's like,
at school: good mood
in the car: good mood
reaching the house: good mood
reached house, still in the car: good mood
in front of house grill: instant change to @#@%#^$ mood, dark clouds hover above head
I've no idea why this happens. Probably caused by the gust of negative energy from my house. That's why everybody's so grumpy all the time. That's why it's so depressing in here. Or maybe it's just me.
I cannot take this any longer....
End it for me....
I think I'm going crazy....
Every single day my head feels so empty yet so heavy....
Like its concentrated but when I dig in nothing's there....
ARGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Just wanna scream my lungs out....
Everything's heavy, my heart, my breathing.....
I can't go on any longer....
Just. End it for me...
Can this actually qualify as a poem? Cos you know, poems don't actually have a format (or do they?) and you can string a few words together and voila! You're a poet!
Yadda yadda yadda.....yak yak yak... (softer and softer)
Whatever. Nobody listens anyway.
Yesterday, or rather this morning, I left out my fifth random thought.
Fifth
In my opinion, my family is somewhat dysfunctional. In this house where everybody's grumpy all the time, where no one actually show that they care, I cant help but feel the abnormality in this otherwise "normal" family. Somehow, I feel that we're a bunch of misfits. Or maybe it's just me. And this... this house, perhaps the feng shui's not good or sth like that, everytime I step into this house, my mood turns bad. Almost instantly. Even before I put my foot into it. It's like,
at school: good mood
in the car: good mood
reaching the house: good mood
reached house, still in the car: good mood
in front of house grill: instant change to @#@%#^$ mood, dark clouds hover above head
I've no idea why this happens. Probably caused by the gust of negative energy from my house. That's why everybody's so grumpy all the time. That's why it's so depressing in here. Or maybe it's just me.
Random Thoughts
I want to rant I want to rant I want to rant.
I've gotta get all these thoughts out of my system or else I just can't/wont concentrate.
First
Dear freaking bloggie,
I dislocated my patela or kneecap or sth today! Man, I really felt sth shifted and pain ensued. It was more painful when I bent my leg so I just sat there, not really knowing what to do. I thought of straightening it really fast, like in the movies where you go 'crick crack!' and the job's done. But then I'm a coward. I was scared that my legs would fly off or my tibia would pop out...
So there I was bloggie, feeling oh-so-helpless. Scenes of my taking SPM in the hospital appeared in my head. Damn knee, sth has always been wrong with my right knee, it was my creaking knee. Probably the result of squatting in the toilet. I was trying to stay calm, and brave, so I waited for my mother to come down to maybe bring me to her chiropractor.
In the midst of breaking down, I said to my bro,"sth dislocated!" Well he looked concerned for a while bloggie, but that bugger didn't believe me when he saw that I was holding on to my knee! What he said was,"tch, can dislocate one meh?" WTF? I'm like, asking for your help here and you dismiss me like that? And he went on with his business... man, NOBODY takes me seriously in this house...
Now I'm thinking, if only it were more obvious, like sth sticking out at a weird angle or ath like that, not only would it be cool, people would actually believe me. Frightening and traumatising, yes, but still COOL.....
OK OK.... so in the end I straightened my leg slowly and it just moved back in place. Really! I felt it move! Phew! Luckily no surgery was required!
Message of the story: I'm nothing but a speck of dust to my family.
Second
I've been not wanting to care abt future SPM results but seeing how much my friends have been panicking, I sorta feel guilty for not caring... And my friends, they have plans of what to do after SPM, what to study and all that... but me? I feel like such a loser. Bleah.
Not to say I've given up but, I just want this whole ordeal to be over and done with. The freaking AGONYYYY! Actually I think the most torturous days are the few before the exam, where D-Day seems so close yet so far. There's the worries, there's the fumbling, there's the blanking out. And there's some sort of anticipation. For all this to be over. OMG AAAAAgony!!! ('A' must be said as if you're constipated)
And... and thatstupiduselesspatheticexcuseforasubject Sejarah! ARGHHHH Driving me up the wall!! Sejarah is a worm that bores through your brain sadistically, turning mine into more of a mush than it already is... It brainwashes you! fklskdf;lskd;flk;sldkf;slkd;fsk (mouth foaming) FUCK SEJARAH! SEJARAH ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY SUCKSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!! Anyone who likes Sejarah are asswipes. Period.
I wanna say, stop caring so much people! If my results sucked, I'm pretty sure my parents would be more kan cheong than me, thus affecting me too, cos I'm so darn easily affected by their opinions and moods. Arghhh frus betul! I'm surrounded by all these people who... who... CARE! (for the lack of a better term)
I so wanna press the fast forward button right now. If only things were that easy...
Message of rant: Sejarah sucks the life out of you. Probably devised as a torture tool.
Third
I envy pinkpau. Fuiyoh, that girl can write leh! Her posts are capable of evoking strong emotions, unlike mine which has a total readership of one, including me. Jealousy, envy, admiration all moulded into a sphere, resides in me every time I read her pretty pinkish blog.
Forth
I asked myself one day,"How do you know who you are?" It was one of my 'questions of life' moments. I mean, are there boundaries? Who sets the guidelines of who you can be? How do you actually discover yourself? How does one soul search? What does the phrase 'be yourself' actually mean? Since you have no idea who you are. There's no theory or principle of what you should become, right? If I put on a facade to get through the day, to deal with difficult people, it's still ME right? It's what I do. That's part of ME. Nobody is really one dimensional, right? No statements in black and white restricting what one's personality should be exists. People evolve, change through time, do they ever have an inkling on who they really are? Whatever that means.
Sigh. I'm not very good at expressing myself, am I? I realise that when I gouge out my innermost thoughts, they come out incoherent and don't make much sense. But they sure made sense when they were in my mind...
This is hard, man. It's not like I'm gonna 'discover myself' in a courier parcel from Hawaii. Maybe I'm just too young? Haven't experienced enough asam garam in my life? Yeah, maybe. When is this identity crisis phase gonna end anyway?
*Heaves a big sighhhhh.* Cis, I sigh too much.
Note to self: I'm hoping that in years to come, I'll still be blogging and I'll look back at my archives. I'm hoping that I'll cackle like a hyena when I read this one. Especially the one on Sejarah. I'm hoping that I'll mumble,"and to think that I was bothered by petty issues like these... so silly... and SPM? cis, 'wet wet water'!" *cackle cackle cackle*
I've gotta get all these thoughts out of my system or else I just can't/wont concentrate.
First
Dear freaking bloggie,
I dislocated my patela or kneecap or sth today! Man, I really felt sth shifted and pain ensued. It was more painful when I bent my leg so I just sat there, not really knowing what to do. I thought of straightening it really fast, like in the movies where you go 'crick crack!' and the job's done. But then I'm a coward. I was scared that my legs would fly off or my tibia would pop out...
So there I was bloggie, feeling oh-so-helpless. Scenes of my taking SPM in the hospital appeared in my head. Damn knee, sth has always been wrong with my right knee, it was my creaking knee. Probably the result of squatting in the toilet. I was trying to stay calm, and brave, so I waited for my mother to come down to maybe bring me to her chiropractor.
In the midst of breaking down, I said to my bro,"sth dislocated!" Well he looked concerned for a while bloggie, but that bugger didn't believe me when he saw that I was holding on to my knee! What he said was,"tch, can dislocate one meh?" WTF? I'm like, asking for your help here and you dismiss me like that? And he went on with his business... man, NOBODY takes me seriously in this house...
Now I'm thinking, if only it were more obvious, like sth sticking out at a weird angle or ath like that, not only would it be cool, people would actually believe me. Frightening and traumatising, yes, but still COOL.....
OK OK.... so in the end I straightened my leg slowly and it just moved back in place. Really! I felt it move! Phew! Luckily no surgery was required!
Message of the story: I'm nothing but a speck of dust to my family.
Second
I've been not wanting to care abt future SPM results but seeing how much my friends have been panicking, I sorta feel guilty for not caring... And my friends, they have plans of what to do after SPM, what to study and all that... but me? I feel like such a loser. Bleah.
Not to say I've given up but, I just want this whole ordeal to be over and done with. The freaking AGONYYYY! Actually I think the most torturous days are the few before the exam, where D-Day seems so close yet so far. There's the worries, there's the fumbling, there's the blanking out. And there's some sort of anticipation. For all this to be over. OMG AAAAAgony!!! ('A' must be said as if you're constipated)
And... and thatstupiduselesspatheticexcuseforasubject Sejarah! ARGHHHH Driving me up the wall!! Sejarah is a worm that bores through your brain sadistically, turning mine into more of a mush than it already is... It brainwashes you! fklskdf;lskd;flk;sldkf;slkd;fsk (mouth foaming) FUCK SEJARAH! SEJARAH ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY SUCKSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!! Anyone who likes Sejarah are asswipes. Period.
I wanna say, stop caring so much people! If my results sucked, I'm pretty sure my parents would be more kan cheong than me, thus affecting me too, cos I'm so darn easily affected by their opinions and moods. Arghhh frus betul! I'm surrounded by all these people who... who... CARE! (for the lack of a better term)
I so wanna press the fast forward button right now. If only things were that easy...
Message of rant: Sejarah sucks the life out of you. Probably devised as a torture tool.
Third
I envy pinkpau. Fuiyoh, that girl can write leh! Her posts are capable of evoking strong emotions, unlike mine which has a total readership of one, including me. Jealousy, envy, admiration all moulded into a sphere, resides in me every time I read her pretty pinkish blog.
Forth
I asked myself one day,"How do you know who you are?" It was one of my 'questions of life' moments. I mean, are there boundaries? Who sets the guidelines of who you can be? How do you actually discover yourself? How does one soul search? What does the phrase 'be yourself' actually mean? Since you have no idea who you are. There's no theory or principle of what you should become, right? If I put on a facade to get through the day, to deal with difficult people, it's still ME right? It's what I do. That's part of ME. Nobody is really one dimensional, right? No statements in black and white restricting what one's personality should be exists. People evolve, change through time, do they ever have an inkling on who they really are? Whatever that means.
Sigh. I'm not very good at expressing myself, am I? I realise that when I gouge out my innermost thoughts, they come out incoherent and don't make much sense. But they sure made sense when they were in my mind...
This is hard, man. It's not like I'm gonna 'discover myself' in a courier parcel from Hawaii. Maybe I'm just too young? Haven't experienced enough asam garam in my life? Yeah, maybe. When is this identity crisis phase gonna end anyway?
*Heaves a big sighhhhh.* Cis, I sigh too much.
Note to self: I'm hoping that in years to come, I'll still be blogging and I'll look back at my archives. I'm hoping that I'll cackle like a hyena when I read this one. Especially the one on Sejarah. I'm hoping that I'll mumble,"and to think that I was bothered by petty issues like these... so silly... and SPM? cis, 'wet wet water'!" *cackle cackle cackle*
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Time Capsule
Note: This time capsule is to be opened after SPM results have been taken.
Dear me,
So your results have been known eh? If it's good, then great! Go to a strip club and celebrate or sth! However, if it sucks big time or is below your expectation, then don't fret, I'm here to cheer you up.
Why am I here to cheer you up? Well, since you'll be ostracised by your own family and looked down upon by your peers, I'm the only person you've got, man. Yeah I know, how pathetic.
Firstly, you know you're gorgeous right? Come on, good looks can bring you anywhere! Yeah baby! Who needs results anyway? Burn that result slip and go pamper yourself!
Ok ok... on a more serious note, getting bad results is not the end of the world. Deal with it with 'ping seong sam'. Like that 'ming ju' you know? "hui shou xiang lai xiao se chu, gui qu, ye wu feng yu ye wu qing" or "shi fei cheng bai zhuan tou kong, qing shan yi jiu zai, xi yang ji du hong" you know? You can really learn from those. Don't let some crappy results define your intelligence or mere existence. Move on with life.
You can also console yourself by thinking, you were once a straight As student, so your having shit results will be very kembang-fying for other students, you are actually doing a good deed! Your good karma will eventually find you a good, loving, loaded husband, so yeah, there's no need to worry about your future.
Whatever your results are, remember that you still rock in your own way, k? Come on, say it out loud:" YOU RAWWWWKKKKK!!!" With more conviction, baby! YOU FREAKING RAWWWKKKKK!!!! WOOOOHH!!! (do the wave!)
Don't care what other people think, you see no evil, hear no evil. You must disregard every sucky opinion about you and only absorb the good ones. Ok, that may sound a tad too narcissistic. But hey, you're the one with the emotional turmoil! Stay with me here!
Listen to me! Don't go crying over spilt milk! That's just plain stupid! No 'what if's, ok? Although... sometimes you may ask yourself, "what if I had flat rock hard abs?" But I digress. When your parents nag you, just mute them, enough is enough. History shows that listening actually makes things worse.
Hey, I'm doing this for your own mental health ok? So you. better. do. as. I. say.
TAK NAK DEPRESSION! YOU FREAKING RAWKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!
Dear me,
So your results have been known eh? If it's good, then great! Go to a strip club and celebrate or sth! However, if it sucks big time or is below your expectation, then don't fret, I'm here to cheer you up.
Why am I here to cheer you up? Well, since you'll be ostracised by your own family and looked down upon by your peers, I'm the only person you've got, man. Yeah I know, how pathetic.
Firstly, you know you're gorgeous right? Come on, good looks can bring you anywhere! Yeah baby! Who needs results anyway? Burn that result slip and go pamper yourself!
Ok ok... on a more serious note, getting bad results is not the end of the world. Deal with it with 'ping seong sam'. Like that 'ming ju' you know? "hui shou xiang lai xiao se chu, gui qu, ye wu feng yu ye wu qing" or "shi fei cheng bai zhuan tou kong, qing shan yi jiu zai, xi yang ji du hong" you know? You can really learn from those. Don't let some crappy results define your intelligence or mere existence. Move on with life.
You can also console yourself by thinking, you were once a straight As student, so your having shit results will be very kembang-fying for other students, you are actually doing a good deed! Your good karma will eventually find you a good, loving, loaded husband, so yeah, there's no need to worry about your future.
Whatever your results are, remember that you still rock in your own way, k? Come on, say it out loud:" YOU RAWWWWKKKKK!!!" With more conviction, baby! YOU FREAKING RAWWWKKKKK!!!! WOOOOHH!!! (do the wave!)
Don't care what other people think, you see no evil, hear no evil. You must disregard every sucky opinion about you and only absorb the good ones. Ok, that may sound a tad too narcissistic. But hey, you're the one with the emotional turmoil! Stay with me here!
Listen to me! Don't go crying over spilt milk! That's just plain stupid! No 'what if's, ok? Although... sometimes you may ask yourself, "what if I had flat rock hard abs?" But I digress. When your parents nag you, just mute them, enough is enough. History shows that listening actually makes things worse.
Hey, I'm doing this for your own mental health ok? So you. better. do. as. I. say.
TAK NAK DEPRESSION! YOU FREAKING RAWKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, November 02, 2006
The Joys of Camwhoring
These couple of days at school have been spent camwhoring! Wohoo! I have finally discovered the camwhore in me! Am I considered a late bloomer? I didn't realise that taking pics would be so fun, we did it for hours! This whole week was practically wasted....
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Renovation
My house is being renovated and Oh My God the noise! I was woken up abruptly at around 9.30am. Which is wayyyy early for me. All those drilling, hammering, and god-knows-what-else, you know what kind of noise they emit right? Yeah, imagine that 100 times louder cos I was practically behind the walls that were violently enveloped by shock waves. It was like sleeping in an amplifier. Only worse. I could even feel the floor vibrating, damnit. Which ended up in my waking up with uncontrollable spasms. Ugh, the trauma.
Somehow, I'm just not quite comfortable with changes. I'm the kind of person that prefers settling in her comfort zone. Wouldn't it be great if we're SIMians and everything could be changed with just a click of the mouse?
The noise totally wrecked my mood to study. So this couple of days I've practically been slacking off. Hence, this renovation can be an excuse for my failure in the exams. Yeah right...
Somehow, I'm just not quite comfortable with changes. I'm the kind of person that prefers settling in her comfort zone. Wouldn't it be great if we're SIMians and everything could be changed with just a click of the mouse?
The noise totally wrecked my mood to study. So this couple of days I've practically been slacking off. Hence, this renovation can be an excuse for my failure in the exams. Yeah right...
Friday, October 27, 2006
Blue Skies
Oh oh! The sky is soooo blue today! The sun is shining bright! Albeit just now it rained a lil... But it's still very tempting!
I feel I should be in a vast meadow somewhere, wearing some girly fluffy dress, prancing around in its lush greenness, chasing butterflies, giggling like an innocent schoolgirl (wait I AM a schoolgirl, but innocent? hmm..) ....
and sleeping on the soft green carpet when I get tired. Ahhh... that would be life!
Too bad, here I am stuck at home and dancing only in my mind. Pathetic betul.
Quote viewtru (about blue skies) :"A gift of nature, which many take for granted, fills my life with awesomeness."
I feel I should be in a vast meadow somewhere, wearing some girly fluffy dress, prancing around in its lush greenness, chasing butterflies, giggling like an innocent schoolgirl (wait I AM a schoolgirl, but innocent? hmm..) ....
and sleeping on the soft green carpet when I get tired. Ahhh... that would be life!
Too bad, here I am stuck at home and dancing only in my mind. Pathetic betul.
Quote viewtru (about blue skies) :"A gift of nature, which many take for granted, fills my life with awesomeness."
Feeling Royal
My stomach was in pain, and I ran to upstairs toilet wondering who put laxative in my food (a common thought for me in times of an emergency like this). Sitting on the toilet seat doing my "soothing" business (it wasn't exactly soothing, I was in pain and I swear my anus was ripped open)... err, back to my point.
The artificial orange light (toilet light) and natural sunlight came together, casting multicolour streaks of light by the window. The unlikely camaraderie made the toilet look pristine, clean for a change. For a moment, I felt I was basking in the gentle sunlight.
I looked around, suddenly feeling quite tiny in the toilet. In my mind's eye, I was in a mansion or castle with the ceiling wayyy up high and intricate designs decorated it. There even hung a spectacular chandelier.
Wooh, I felt ROYAL. There I was, a royal descendant sitting on my royal throne doing my superior "royal business". The reflective floor caught my eye and I smiled. Who knew having diarrhoea would be so liberating, eh?
The artificial orange light (toilet light) and natural sunlight came together, casting multicolour streaks of light by the window. The unlikely camaraderie made the toilet look pristine, clean for a change. For a moment, I felt I was basking in the gentle sunlight.
I looked around, suddenly feeling quite tiny in the toilet. In my mind's eye, I was in a mansion or castle with the ceiling wayyy up high and intricate designs decorated it. There even hung a spectacular chandelier.
Wooh, I felt ROYAL. There I was, a royal descendant sitting on my royal throne doing my superior "royal business". The reflective floor caught my eye and I smiled. Who knew having diarrhoea would be so liberating, eh?
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Concerns
Ooooooo... that day I had fun messing around with my template. It's equivalent to having a Barbie doll and loads of mini clothes, getting to mix and match to your heart's content. So much fun!!! But I don't think I did a very good job... since it was during the wee hours of morning and my conscience was nagging.
Yesterday, or rather today (around 3 am) I was spending my time drawing instead of studying. Great! Way to go! Wohoo! Sigh, when will I ever learn?
And before I slept, I kinda came to the conclusion that the only 1As I'm gonna get in SPM is for English, Modern Maths and Chemistry...
Cannot like that! Must be positive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yesterday, or rather today (around 3 am) I was spending my time drawing instead of studying. Great! Way to go! Wohoo! Sigh, when will I ever learn?
And before I slept, I kinda came to the conclusion that the only 1As I'm gonna get in SPM is for English, Modern Maths and Chemistry...
Cannot like that! Must be positive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Restless
I feel like rambling today. I think I'm addicted to blog-hopping. Totally OBSESSED. I'm like, checking on blogs every single minute. Crossing my fingers and hoping that people will update. And when they don't, I click on random links on their site, just to find something interesting to read. Sheesh. Cannot like that..... must concentrate! Must study! Arghh... update la you people!!
I wish this restlessness will pass, fast. Is there any way to obtain 24-hour attentiveness? I'm so failing at studying my ass off. If my SPM results suck, I'll probably feel guilty and cry my ass off cos I know that I didn't try my best.
And OH MY GOD, I have cellu-freaking-lite! I'm like what, 16?! Only 16 and already have cellulite? What the heck! These ripples on my thighs were there before, I just chose to ignore it (probably in denial) But now, there's no point in running away from the truth anymore. It's horrifying! My sedentary lifestyle has taken its toll on my body. Next, I'm gonna discover that 95% of my arteries are clogged. Anytime now... anytime now...
After SPM, I have to get off my ass and exercise like there's no tomorrow! No more lame excuses! And boy do I have a huge ass or what! *peers at humongous blocks of grease behind* I'll have a hard time lugging my baggage to the front door, even. Sigh...
Must study! Must concentrate! Must study! Must concentrate! Must... study.... must.. concen... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
I wish this restlessness will pass, fast. Is there any way to obtain 24-hour attentiveness? I'm so failing at studying my ass off. If my SPM results suck, I'll probably feel guilty and cry my ass off cos I know that I didn't try my best.
And OH MY GOD, I have cellu-freaking-lite! I'm like what, 16?! Only 16 and already have cellulite? What the heck! These ripples on my thighs were there before, I just chose to ignore it (probably in denial) But now, there's no point in running away from the truth anymore. It's horrifying! My sedentary lifestyle has taken its toll on my body. Next, I'm gonna discover that 95% of my arteries are clogged. Anytime now... anytime now...
After SPM, I have to get off my ass and exercise like there's no tomorrow! No more lame excuses! And boy do I have a huge ass or what! *peers at humongous blocks of grease behind* I'll have a hard time lugging my baggage to the front door, even. Sigh...
Must study! Must concentrate! Must study! Must concentrate! Must... study.... must.. concen... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Friday, October 20, 2006
Encounters
Wednesday, I had my first encounter with a drunkard! The 4 of us went for lunch at Petaling Street. When we sat down, A sensed something was wrong at the next table. The guy kept on staring at C. I was the last one to know, as usual (cos I'm slow and unobservant liddat). So we moved closer together, as far away from him as possible.
And then he started ranting loudly:"You all don't have to be scared! I will protect you! I'm (insert sth) God! Hahahaha!" WTF ar... during our meal we were scared out of our shits and pissed in our pants. The latter is not true, of course. He asked:"Do you want to go to heaven with me? I'll bring you to heaven!" and other shits,"Study hard! I love you!" "I wont bring you to heaven, don't worry... I'll only bring those who betrayed me...." etc.
Luckily he wasn't violent. He was practically harmless. But still we were scared and C was grabbing my thigh relentlessly. Somehow, I had this faint urge to just punch him in the face or slap him senseless. "Get a grip on yourself! Stop bothering us!" If I were PMS-ing, my hormones surely would have drove me to do that. At the same time, I kinda pitied him. I was wondering what kind of turmoil did he experience.
He left before we finished our meal. He had a hand luggage with him. My friend, B said that he looked as if he was gonna commit suicide! When I thought abt it, yeah.. it pretty much looked like that right? And I linked it to that Spiderman comic strip when Peter Parker mistook someone else's bag for his. That guy wanted to commit suicide eh! Perhaps the drunkard had a newspaper in his luggage too? Just like in the comic strip!
Pffftt.. what am I rambling abt. This was probably my first encounter with a drunkard or anyone emotionally disturbed. BUT it really pales in comparison with other incidents our friends experienced. The same day at a cafe, they met a pervert who was staring and smiling at them lecherously while gyrating his groin! Or sth obscene like that la, I was not at the scene ma... The worst incident happened to another friend! Somebody flashed on the bus eh! Ewwwww... why are there so many pervs around? I'm lucky in the sense that I've never met one.. hey wait a min! I have!
I met a hamsup old ah pek twice! It was probably the same guy. The first time, he kinda walked past me and touched my hand from the elbow down. That time I thought it was just an accident, maybe he accidentally bumped into me liddat. But the second time! That sei hamsup lou tried to touch my thigh while walking past me again!! Fucker! It was only a light touch and the fucker really can walk fast! By the time I realised what had happened, he was already quite far away crossing the street! I looked back and realised in horror, OMG ah pek again! Must be the same jerk! What the hell does he do? Walk abt everyday preying on innocent schoolgirls? That's so sick and twisted! MCH! I hope he's already dead by now! Hmph!
And then he started ranting loudly:"You all don't have to be scared! I will protect you! I'm (insert sth) God! Hahahaha!" WTF ar... during our meal we were scared out of our shits and pissed in our pants. The latter is not true, of course. He asked:"Do you want to go to heaven with me? I'll bring you to heaven!" and other shits,"Study hard! I love you!" "I wont bring you to heaven, don't worry... I'll only bring those who betrayed me...." etc.
Luckily he wasn't violent. He was practically harmless. But still we were scared and C was grabbing my thigh relentlessly. Somehow, I had this faint urge to just punch him in the face or slap him senseless. "Get a grip on yourself! Stop bothering us!" If I were PMS-ing, my hormones surely would have drove me to do that. At the same time, I kinda pitied him. I was wondering what kind of turmoil did he experience.
He left before we finished our meal. He had a hand luggage with him. My friend, B said that he looked as if he was gonna commit suicide! When I thought abt it, yeah.. it pretty much looked like that right? And I linked it to that Spiderman comic strip when Peter Parker mistook someone else's bag for his. That guy wanted to commit suicide eh! Perhaps the drunkard had a newspaper in his luggage too? Just like in the comic strip!
Pffftt.. what am I rambling abt. This was probably my first encounter with a drunkard or anyone emotionally disturbed. BUT it really pales in comparison with other incidents our friends experienced. The same day at a cafe, they met a pervert who was staring and smiling at them lecherously while gyrating his groin! Or sth obscene like that la, I was not at the scene ma... The worst incident happened to another friend! Somebody flashed on the bus eh! Ewwwww... why are there so many pervs around? I'm lucky in the sense that I've never met one.. hey wait a min! I have!
I met a hamsup old ah pek twice! It was probably the same guy. The first time, he kinda walked past me and touched my hand from the elbow down. That time I thought it was just an accident, maybe he accidentally bumped into me liddat. But the second time! That sei hamsup lou tried to touch my thigh while walking past me again!! Fucker! It was only a light touch and the fucker really can walk fast! By the time I realised what had happened, he was already quite far away crossing the street! I looked back and realised in horror, OMG ah pek again! Must be the same jerk! What the hell does he do? Walk abt everyday preying on innocent schoolgirls? That's so sick and twisted! MCH! I hope he's already dead by now! Hmph!
Friday, October 13, 2006
I is a speck of dust
Lately, I don't know why but I've been feeling sentimental and all that. Yesterday, there I was on my bed trying to sleep. Then, I remembered a magazine article about ways to sharpen your mind. One of them was try to randomly choose a year and think back on any interesting events that happened, before going to bed. Ok, I thought, easy enough, let's try that.
So, I chose 6 years ago, when I was in Standard 5. Then I started to get all nostalgic, you know, because honestly Standard 5 was one of my best years, I guess. At least that's what I think. That year was a good year..... I was reminiscing on my admirers.... hahahaha.... damn, I was popular! Ok, end gloating. And then, MCH I went waaayyy back to kindergarten, and tried to remember anything during those years as well. That was totally uncalled for. Why the heck did I do that? The article only stated ONE year.
Sheesh. From kindergarten I went on to Std 1, 2, 3 and so on and so on. At least I TRIED to recall events, but seeing that I don't have a sharp memory... vague scenes just appeared in my (blank) head. Gosh, I realised that I was so totally freaking shy. That may have improved a lil bit over the years. But I'm still quite shy eh. Some events were hilarious, some embarassing, it was like a slideshow in my head.
I wished that I could start over. Numerous "If only"s pranced about in my head, teasing me endlessly. 'If only I was more daring' 'If only I wasn't so shy' 'If only I was a born leader' etc. And that was the moment that tears welled up in my eyes. The bitter-sour feeling deep down my throat lingered. But tears didn't flow. I was a bit confused. I didn't get why I felt like crying. It was just so sudden. I was like,"OMG, WTF, where did these tears come from?"
It was probably caused by regrets. Regrets that the whole 16 years of my life had been NOTHING. There were no precious memories, nothing worth mentioning at all. Like, what did I DO all those past years??! NOTHING!!
In the end, I felt like crap and lost maybe an hour of precious sleep. MCH that stupid article.
*This has been sitting as my draft for over a week now. Lost the mood to blog abt it liao.
So, I chose 6 years ago, when I was in Standard 5. Then I started to get all nostalgic, you know, because honestly Standard 5 was one of my best years, I guess. At least that's what I think. That year was a good year..... I was reminiscing on my admirers.... hahahaha.... damn, I was popular! Ok, end gloating. And then, MCH I went waaayyy back to kindergarten, and tried to remember anything during those years as well. That was totally uncalled for. Why the heck did I do that? The article only stated ONE year.
Sheesh. From kindergarten I went on to Std 1, 2, 3 and so on and so on. At least I TRIED to recall events, but seeing that I don't have a sharp memory... vague scenes just appeared in my (blank) head. Gosh, I realised that I was so totally freaking shy. That may have improved a lil bit over the years. But I'm still quite shy eh. Some events were hilarious, some embarassing, it was like a slideshow in my head.
I wished that I could start over. Numerous "If only"s pranced about in my head, teasing me endlessly. 'If only I was more daring' 'If only I wasn't so shy' 'If only I was a born leader' etc. And that was the moment that tears welled up in my eyes. The bitter-sour feeling deep down my throat lingered. But tears didn't flow. I was a bit confused. I didn't get why I felt like crying. It was just so sudden. I was like,"OMG, WTF, where did these tears come from?"
It was probably caused by regrets. Regrets that the whole 16 years of my life had been NOTHING. There were no precious memories, nothing worth mentioning at all. Like, what did I DO all those past years??! NOTHING!!
In the end, I felt like crap and lost maybe an hour of precious sleep. MCH that stupid article.
*This has been sitting as my draft for over a week now. Lost the mood to blog abt it liao.
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